Carpe Noctem
by Sorrel
Summary: In the summer that follows the defeat of the Mayor, Xander is attacked by a demon and almost loses his life. The cure gifts him with interesting new powers and leads him down a path towards a rocky romance with someone he never expected: Spike. SLASH
1. Changes

**Chapter One: Changes.** In the summer following the Master's death, Xander has a run-in with a demon and Angel is the only one who can help.

* * *

Even years later, Xander would swear that it wasn't his fault.

Of course, everyone else would argue that of course it was his fault- what the hell was he doing in the cemetery after dark, anyway? It's a shortcut, he'd argue back, and then everyone would laugh.

A shortcut to where, Buffy would scoff, an early death?

But he maintained that it wasn't his fault. He'd promised Willow that he would meet her at the movies at exactly eight o'clock, and when he was late due to a drunken shouting match between his parents, all he could think was that he had to make it there on time, or Willow would want to know why. So he'd taken the shortcut, and since there hadn't been any demonic activity at all, all summer, it couldn't be too unsafe, right?

Wrong.

* * *

Giles was having a very relaxing evening with his books and a cup of tea. Music that was actually music- rather than the meaningless noise that his Slayer called music- was pouring out of speakers, and Giles was reveling in the peace and quiet of a nice evening at home.

Then the pounding at his door commenced. Honestly, Giles wondered why he was at all surprised. Quiet evening, enjoying the peace- naturally, some disaster would occur. It was Murphy's Law.

Sighing, he marked his place in his book and went to answer. He opened it, then immediately opened it wider and ushered the two teenagers on his doorstep into his home.

"Get inside. Christ. What happened to you two?"

"Nothing happened to me," Willow panted, helping a staggering and bleeding Xander across the room to the couch. "Just to him. I'm not sure what happened, exactly- we were supposed to meet at the movies, and I was starting to get worried about him when he showed up, looking like this. He said something about the graveyard and a demon, but that's all I've gotten out of him."

More worried than he wanted to admit, Giles crouched in front of the boy on his couch. "Xander? Xander, can you hear me?"

Xander rolled his head weakly. "Can hear you fine, G-man," he said, with a ghost of his usual grin. "Though there seem to be two of you."

"Xander, what happened?"

"Was late. Cut through the graveyard. Ran into a demon. It cut me up, but I killed it with a rock. Not the hardest head in the world, I'm guessing. Hit it in the head and it collapsed like a puppet with the strings cut. Ran away, made it to the movie theatre. Wills was pacing all over the place, took one look at me and brought me here." He was silent for a minute. "Giles? I don't feel so good."

"I should say not. You're covered in blood."

"No, not that. I mean, I feel sick. Hot. So fucking hot." He tossed his head restlessly, kicked weakly at the blanket Giles was trying to cover him with.

Giles and Willow exchanged a worried glance. "Willow, why don't you make some tea? Use the jar on the top shelf, all the way to the right- the one painted black. I'll go get some bandages."

Willow was in the kitchen with the water boiling and Giles was just coming back with the first aid supplies when he heard another knock at his door. Muttering under his breath, he dropped the supplies on the table and went to answer the door. Again.

Angel stood there, looking anxious, with his shoulders hunched and his hands tucked into his pockets. "Is everyone okay? I ran across a very dead Chellwith demon in the cemetery, smelled blood, and tracked it here."

"Xander was injured, but he seems to be- Chellwith? Did you say Chellwith demon?"

"Yeah. Xander was injured?"

"Oh, no," Giles said, and turned back to the injured youth on the couch without another thought to the vampire still standing in his doorway. "Xander, the demon you ran across- was it about six feet tall, with three horns on its forehead?"

"Yeah, that was the one," Xander said, and his voice seemed weaker than it had just a minute ago. "Why? Is it bad?"

"Fairly so," Giles admitted. "It cut you with its claws?"

"Yeah," Xander said. "Why?"

"Chellwith demons have a certain... poison, in their claws," Giles admitted cautiously. "It has a rather rapid effect, as I'm sure you've noticed."

"Oh," Xander said. "That would explain the fever, wouldn't it?"

"Yes, it would," Giles said grimly, and raised his voice. "Willow? Could you hurry up with the tea, please?"

"Sure," Willow called back easily. "What's going on?"

"We seem to have a bit of a... situation, on our hands."

Willow immediately hurried out, only to stop and stare with surprise at Angel, who was still standing on the doorstep, looking awkward. "What's he doing here?"

"He saw the dead demon and tracked Xander's blood here," Giles said grimly. "Willow, I need that tea. It should slow the poison's progress through Xander's veins."

"Poison? Wait, when did the poison thing happen?"

"The claws that cut Xander were filled with a very fast-acting poison," Giles said impatiently. "Unless we act quickly, Xander could-" He stopped, suddenly remembering that Xander could hear every word.

"Die?" Xander finished for him. "It's okay, Giles. I think I already knew." He looked pensive for a moment. "This tea, it's not a cure? It's just a temporary measure."

Not trusting his voice, Giles nodded.

"Is there a cure at all?"

"I don't know of any," Giles finally admitted. "Though I'm sure that, given just a little time, I could find one."

"Do we have time?" Xander asked. "I don't think so. I can feel it moving. I can feel it getting worse. In a few minutes I'm not going to be able to talk anymore. I already can't move."

"I know a cure," Angel said into the following silence. When everyone looked at him, he winced and said, "You're not going to like it, though."

"For God's sake, man, Xander's life in on the line, here," Giles snapped. "Hurry and tell us the cure."

"An exchange of blood with a vampire."

You could have heard a pin drop in the following silence. "You want to turn me?" Xander demanded. "No fucking way."

"You're not talking about turning, are you, Angel?" Giles said softly.

"No. I can stop before Xander's anywhere near drained, and give him some of my blood. It will heal him without killing him."

"You're sure I won't be a vampire?" Xander said suspiciously. "How can I trust you?"

"Xander, shut up and let the nice vampire save your life," Willow snapped. The other three looked over at her with surprise at her unusual vehemence. "I'm not going to sit here and watch you die if you have a chance to live," she said, more softly. "No way. If something happens, well, at least we tried. I'm not going to let you go without a fight. I love you too much for that."

Xander smiled painfully at her. "Alright, Wills," he said slowly. "For you." He looked over at Angel, and his expression went hard and tight- with pain, and with determination. "Do it."

Slowly, Angel approached the couch.

* * *

For someone who was dying the day before, Xander felt pretty good. Really good, in fact. Better than ever. He stretched, pressing his hands against the headboard, and heard a loud crack echo through the room.

Whoa.

He sat up so fast his head spun and whirled around to see the damage. Somehow, just by pressing against it, he had broken the friggin' headboard. That was... very not normal.

"Oh, listen, Xander's awake," he heard Willow say, and then footsteps crossing a room before thudding on the stairs.

What? He'd heard her voice, as clearly as if she'd been standing right beside him, and she'd been in the _kitchen?_

"Xander, how are you feeling?" Willow said, flying into the room, and he shook his head to clear it because he could hear her heartbeat, and he could smell her shampoo from clear across the room. "I'm... okay?" His voice made the last word a question.

"You look good," Willow said critically, then caught a glimpse of the headboard. "Xander Harris, what happened?"

"I didn't mean to!" He looked pleadingly at Giles when the older man came into the bedroom. "I just stretched, and somehow I cracked the headboard. I didn't mean to!"

"I believe you," Giles said soothingly. "Xander, do you feel... different? Changed, somehow?"

"Yeeees," he said slowly, looking around the room. "I can see a lot better than I did before. I heard Willow talking all the way in the kitchen. I can smell the bacon cooking in the next house over. I broke the headboard just by pushing on it. I think it's safe to say that I feel different."

"Angel said there might be some... changes," Giles said cautiously. "That you might awaken with some of the strength, and possibly the sense, of a vampire."

"I'm a vampire?"

Willow looked pointedly at the stripe of sunlight the touched his skin. "No," she said patiently. "He didn't say that you were a vampire. Just that you had some of the stuff that vampires have."

"So how do I have vampire strengths, without actually being a vampire? Mind sharing, Giles?"

"Vampire blood is very powerful," Giles explained. "Taking Angel's made you, well, partly a vampire is the best way to explain it. You have a lot of their strengths, such as more power, heightened senses, and I expect when you get up you'll realize that you can move much faster. You are not, however, an actual vampire. You're still alive. Surely you can hear your heart beating?"

Taking stock of himself for the first time since awakening, Xander nodded. "Yeah, okay. Not dead. That's reassuring, at least."

"And do you find yourself with a sudden craving for a little A pos?" Willow persisted.

"No," he said. "I have a sudden craving for pancakes, and a need to talk to Angel." He frowned. "Actually, I pretty much just need to see Angel. Talking or not. That's creepy."

"Well, he is, in a strange way, sort of your Sire," Willow admitted. "I think it's a vampire thing, needing to be with your Sire when you rise."

"Hello? Not a vampire. Didn't rise from my grave or anything. So why do I still have a craving to just be standing next to him?"


	2. Sire

**Chapter Two: Sire.** Xander faces Angel, and finds out exactly what it means to have a Sire.

* * *

Xander knew where Angel's apartment was, and he was hoping against hope that Angel would be there. There was this pain in his chest, and it had nothing to do with being hungry. He'd had a huge breakfast as soon as he'd gotten up- way more than he could usually eat. Just another change in on a growing list of changes, and every one could be placed at Angel's door.

Of course, he also owed Angel his life, and that was why he wasn't going to Angel's place to spew condemnation at him. He was going to say a very nice thank you, and then demand what the hell was happening to him, because he wasn't exactly used to having a desperate need just to see Angel. It rankled, especially when he didn't even like Angel that much.

Thankfully, Angel opened when Xander knocked. The vampire didn't look at all surprised to see him there, and after a moment's consideration, Xander had to say that he wouldn't have been surprised either. Angel obviously knew what was going on with him, so it followed that he'd have known that Xander would have needed to see him.

"Xander, come in," Angel said. "I thought you'd be here, sooner or later."

"Really?" Xander strolled past him, then stood in the middle of the living room, hands in his pockets, rocking on his heels. "Did you really, cause honestly? I didn't think I'd be here anytime soon. So, can you tell me- why am I here?"

"It's because you had my blood," Angel said quietly, shutting the door behind him. "A lot of it. I wasn't sure how much to give you, because you were pretty close to death as it was, and I was worried that it wasn't going to work. But it obviously did."

"Yeah, and thanks for that. I'm grateful for having my life back, honestly I am. It's just... I hurt. All the way here, it was like my heart was on fire. And then you open the door, and it goes away. Why is that?"

"Blood," Angel said again. "You're not actually a vampire, but your blood thinks you are. And your blood wants to be near your Sire- which would be me, as far as it goes."

"Well, cool, glad that's explained, but what the hell can I do about it? I can't exactly be with you 24-7, and I can't function very well when I'm not with you."

"It usually goes away with the first kill," Angel said. "The only other way is..."

"Is?" Xander prompted. Angel remained silent. "C'mon, Deadboy, I'm not going to be killing anyone. What's the other way?"

"To be claimed by your Sire," Angel said quietly.

Xander was silent for a moment. "Please tell me that doesn't mean what I think it means," he said slowly. "Please tell me that I wear a little dog collar with your name on the tag. Tell me that you frigging well bite me again, just tell me it doesn't mean..."

"Sex," Angel said. "Yes. That's what claiming is."

"Shit," Xander said succinctly, and whirled away to pace back and forth across the room. "You're sure that there's no other way?" he demanded. "Because really, really not liking this idea."

"It's not exactly my dream date either," Angel snapped back. Xander curled his lip back from his teeth in a silent snarl and ignored that. "There's no other way," Angel said more gently. "Those are the only two options."

"What happens if I choose door number three?" Xander said. "What happens if I do neither?"

"The pain will just get worse," Angel said grimly. "I've seen it happen before. You either kill or get claimed by your Sire. There is no door number three."

"Fuck that," Xander said. "I'm leaving."

"Xander, you're not going to be able to keep going like this," Angel said. "Soon you won't be able to move. You'll be crippled, wracked with pain from forehead to heels. Do you really want that?"

Xander cast a vicious glare over his shoulder. "Better than the alternative," he snarled, and slammed out of the apartment.

* * *

"You're sure?" Willow said.

"Well, he was sure," Xander snapped. "And somehow, I don't think this is all an elaborate plan to get in my pants. He looked about as happy with the idea of fucking me as I was with the idea of getting fucked."

"That's.... insane," Willow said. "You can't have sex with Angel. He's... _Angel._"

"Yeah, Wills, I noticed," Xander said bitterly, and flopped back against the pile of pillows that Willow had put there for his comfort. "Even if he weren't a guy, and a vampire, and someone I don't like very much, I still wouldn't have sex with him. I mean, hello, Buffy?"

"Not exactly good friend behavior to have sex with her boyfriend while she's in LA," Willow agreed. "You know, if it weren't for the guy vampire and seething hatred thing."

"Well, not so much seething hatred," Xander said with a shrug. "More mild dislike. I mean, he did save my life and everything. Even if I currently resent the fact that I apparently have to either have sex with him, kill someone, or suffer blinding torment, I still have to be happy about the fact that I'm not dead."

"Hey, I'm pretty happy about it too," Willow said. "I just don't like the sex or death or torment thing. That's not so much of the good."

"You're telling me," Xander said ruefully. "I just- Ah!" He curled around himself, clutching his stomach, his face screwed up in a grimace of pain.

"Xander?" Willow said hesitantly, touching his cheek with one cool hand. "Xander, are you okay?"

He slowly straightened again, and gave her a weak smile. "I'm fine. That was just a really bad one, is all. I'll be okay in a minute."

"Are you sure?" she said. "Because really, you don't look very okay."

"I'll be okay," he said determinedly, and left the rest of the thought unsaid. The part where he thought, _I have to be. The alternative in unthinkable.

* * *

_

Willow was feeling less than comfortable with herself at the moment. It was three days after Xander's... incident, and he was not doing well. At all. She'd finally had to take him out of his own house and install him at Giles', where she was currently spending all of her free time, trying to make him as comfortable as possible.

She was less than successful.

Xander was in constant pain. She loaded him up with extra-strength painkillers and didn't ask where Giles had gotten them, but they barely made a dent in the pain. For one thing, his new vamp-ness seemed to give him a resistance to medication of any kind, but the pain was also just so great that no amount of medication could get rid of it.

She was deeply worried about him. Angel's words came back to her, filtered through Xander's mocking and bitter voice: _You either kill or get claimed by your Sire. There is no door number three._

She was starting to believe it- really believe it. Sure, she had listened to Xander when he'd told her and made all the appropriate noises, but inwardly she'd sort of passed it off as a cruel joke or something. But this- this she couldn't ignore.

Giles was as worried as she was, but he was sure that he could find some sort of cure. Willow wasn't so sure. She figured that Angel knew what he was talking about, and so if he said that there wasn't another option, well, there probably wasn't.

She just wasn't sure what she was supposed to do about it. Xander had steadfastedly refused to go see Angel, though Willow guessed that Angel's presence would probably at least alleviate the pain. The one time that she had called Angel and gotten him to come to Giles' place, Xander had refused to even let him into the room. Willow wasn't sure what to do.

Well, she actually was sure what to do. She just wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do. It would be going against Xander's wishes, that's for damn sure, and she was probably betraying Buffy as well, but... this was her best friend. She wasn't just going to let him die because he didn't want to have sex.

Decision made, the only thing she had left to do was get it to happen.

* * *

Angel was feeling less than certain, himself. Willow had called him ten minute ago, and told him what would have to happen. She'd made all the arrangements, and had gotten Giles out of the house for a good while, but he wasn't going to be gone forever. Angel stood in the hallway outside of Xander's temporary room and tried to tell himself that he was doing the right thing.

It was just... This was Xander Harris. This wasn't Buffy Summers, and she was the one he was in love with.

If he'd known this would happen, would he have... No, he had done the right thing in saving Xander's life. And if he didn't want all his efforts to be in vain, he would have to do this now.

Taking a deep and unnecessary breath, he opened the door.

Xander looked up at his entry, and his expression was not friendly. "I don't want to see you," he snapped. "Go away."

"Willow called me," Angel said. "She said that I should at least take a look at you, see if there was anything I could do."

"You told me yourself- I could either sleep with you or kill someone. There's nothing you can do that I'm going to let you do, so get the hell out."

Angel took another deep breath. Christ, this was hard. "I can't let you do that."

Xander looked like you'd hit him over the head with a two-by-four. "What?"

His resolve crystallizing, Angel said firmly, "I'm not going to stand by while you die by inches. I'm going to fix this, for once and for all."

"Oh no you're not," Xander said. "You stay away from me. We are so not going to do this."

Angel took a determined step towards the bed. "We have to."

"I am not going to betray Buffy like that."

"Would Buffy rather you die?" Angel snapped. Xander drew back, and Angel gentled his voice. "Look, I love Buffy, more than anything in the world. I don't exactly want to do this either. But as much as I love Buffy, I'm not going to let you die, and if she were here, I think she'd tell me to do exactly what I'm going to do."

"I'm not going to let you," Xander said, his voice weak but very firm. "So you might as well leave."

"No."

"What?"

"No, I'm not going to leave. No, because we're going to do this. I've tried reasoning with you, but if that won't work, well, too bad. We're doing this anyway, and you've just lost your vote."

"What? I definitely get a vote! I'm an American! I totally get a vote!"

"Not anymore you don't," Angel growled, and started to unbutton his shirt.

* * *

Xander lay on the bed, feeling like the survivor of a shipwreck. The crippling pain was gone, but it was replaced by a lingering soreness in his ass, and the way he felt at the moment, he almost wanted the crippling pain back.

He'd just done the worst thing in his life. He'd had sex with his best friend's boyfriend, and that was just.... wrong. Wrong beyond all measure of wrong. He was moving into new realms of wrongness, and he wasn't sure he wanted to be alive, not if he had to live through the guilt of doing what he'd just done.

The door creaked open, and he tried to find the energy to lift his head, but catching the person's scent, realized that it wasn't worth it. "Willow, I kinda want to be alone with my evil self right now."

"You're not evil," she said, very firmly. "You're the same Xander you've ever been. And I, for one, am thankful that you're alive Xander." She sat down next to him, and bumped her hip against his shoulder. "Deal with your aliveness, rather than your horrifically painful death."

"But Willow... Buffy..."

"Buffy will deal too," she said. "You know she will. Yeah, she'll be wigged, and probably really pissed, but when she gets through that, she'll just be grateful that you didn't die, that you're all better now. You are all better now, aren't you?" she said, suddenly worried.

"Don't worry, Wills, I'm all better. Better than ever, really, with the vampire strength thing going for me. I'm just..." He sighed and rolled over, burying his face in the pillow and hoping that the cloth would muffle his next words. "I just suddenly gay, is all."

"What?" Willow said. "What do you mean by that?"

He rolled back over and glared at her. "I liked it! I just got fucked by a very male vampire, and I liked it. What does that say about me?"

"That you're potentially bisexual?" she offered. He glared harder, and she sighed. "I don't know, Xander. And neither do you. You're just going to have to wait. This isn't something that's going to be worked out in a few minutes of best friend talk and a hug, okay? It's gonna take time."

"I know," he sighed. "And in the meantime, I have to learn how to deal with my new strength and stuff, and figure out what I'm going to say to Buffy when she gets back."

They sat in silence for a moment, and then he threw a plaintive look her way. "Can I get a hug anyway?"

She laughed at that, and threw her arms around him. "No matter what you decide," she whispered in his ear, "I still love you. Remember that when you next decide to hate yourself, okay?"

"Okay," he whispered back, and held her close.


	3. Slayer

**Chapter Three: Slayer.** Buffy's back in town, but all is not happy in Slayerville. Something's bothering Buffy, and Xander agonizes over how to explain what happened between him and Angel.

* * *

"You know," Xander said reflectively as he licked his ice cream, "except for the whole, being a semi-vamp and having sex with Angel thing, this has been a pretty boring summer."

"That's a pretty big 'except,'" Willow pointed out. "How are you dealing with that, anyway?"

"I'm pretty much not," Xander admitted. "Every time I think about Angel, I get this weird feeling in my stomach that I don't want to think about too much, so I'm pretty much just avoiding the whole thought."

"I can get that," Willow said sympathetically. "Just- Buffy's supposed to be back sometime soon. What are you going to tell her?"

"Kinda tricky, isn't it?" he said. "What with the whole, having sex with her boyfriend, thing. Bound to put a damper on the friendship."

"And is that how you're feeling about Buffy?" Willow wanted to know. "Friends?"

He shrugged, looking sheepish. "I don't know. I want to be friends with her, definitely. And when I think about kissing her I get the same old thrill. Just... Mostly I haven't been thinking about kissing her; I've been shaking with terror at the thought of telling her that I had sex with her boyfriend."

"And so what about Angel?" Willow asked. "Are you thinking about kissing him?"

"Absolutely not," he said. "I'm repressing that, remember?"

"And so you haven't come to a conclusion about the gay thing?"

"I don't know," he admitted. "I still get the whole, Buffy Kissage! thrill, but then I catch myself staring at the guy serving ice cream. It's kinda weird, truth be told."

"The guy serving ice cream _was_ cute," Willow pointed out. "So... bi, maybe?"

"Maybe," he said with a shrug. "I'd like to repress for a while more, though, if you don't mind."

"Sure thing," she said, and with a smile he slung an arm around her shoulders.

"Knew I could count on you, Wills."

"Yeah," she said quietly. She looked like she was about to say something else, then suddenly said, "Hello! Vampire!"

Xander whirled and then somehow managed to duck the punch that the vampire threw. "Willow, get out of here!" he cried, and threw a punch of his own, smiling at the satisfying crunch under his knuckles even as he positioned his body so that he was between Willow and the vampire.

He got in another couple punches before the fledge got him in the jaw with a well-timed kick. Xander hit the ground, and even as he shook off the ringing in his ears and jumped to his feet again, he heard footsteps rapidly approaching, and blinked as he saw Buffy grab the vampire by the shoulders and throw him straight into a jagged branch protruding from a nearby tree.

She brushed the dust away from her clothes, then turned back to her friends with a smile on her face. "Hi guys," she said cheerfully. "Miss me?"

* * *

Xander was in a bad mood. Buffy was back- good, great even. Only, how the hell was he supposed to explain to her that he'd had sex with her boyfriend in a way that wouldn't get him punched?

_Hey Buffy, great to see you. What did you do over summer break? Well, I almost got killed, was turned into a part-vampire, and had sex with Angel._

Yeah, that'd go over well.

Not.

So what was he supposed to do? Was there any way to do this and avoid major trouble and heartache?

He wasn't any closer to an answer when he met Willow at the Bronze that night. Buffy was supposed to show, and he was frantically playing over potential explanations when he spotted her through the crowd.

"Okay," he said under his breath. "Okay, you can do this. Honestly, you can. She won't kill you. She likes you. You're her friend. She wouldn't kill her friend, would she?"

Willow through him a sympathetic look, and then there was Buffy, looking stunning as ever and wearing a big grin. "Hey, you two."

"You're looking good, Buffy," Xander said through a tight throat. "Working on your tan, were you?"

"Yeah," she said carelessly, and tossed her head, deliberately not looking to her right. Xander glanced over and saw Angel standing there, looking frustrated but not despairing. Had he told her yet? If he had and that was why she was all pissy, then why was she still here? Still talking to him, instead of eviscerating him?

The band started the next song, and Buffy grabbed his arm. "Let's dance," she said, and he wasn't so slow that he didn't notice the command in her voice. He went, very reluctantly, and let her lead him to the center of the dance floor.

He was shocked down to his very toes when she plastered herself against him and started to move. This was new, this was different, this was... very bad.

"Buffy," he said, and then had to clear his throat when his voice broke. "Buffy, I need to tell you something."

"Do you?" she said, sounding like she didn't particularly care. "Xander, did I ever thank you for saving my life?"

"No, you didn't. Buffy-"

"Don't you wish I would?" she whispered into his ear, then whirled away and went stalking off into the crowd.

Okay, that... didn't go well.

"Wills, did you see which was she went?"

Willow pointed to the door. "What's up with her?"

"Don't know. I'm gonna find out, though."

* * *

"Buffy!" he called. "Buffy, wait up for a second, okay?"

She turned on her heel and stared at him. "What do you want, Xander? I'm not going to sleep with you. I'm done for the night, thanks."

"And I can't tell you how much of a relief that is," he said, and watched with distant pleasure as her face went blank with shock.

"What, got over your pathetic little crush?" she demanded, recovering quickly.

"I don't know. At the moment I'm thinking yes, since you're being something of a bitch, but more importantly, there's something I have to tell you."

"Can't it wait? Can't you tell me tomorrow?"

"No, it can't," he said firmly. "Because I think you'd rather be alone to hear this, and frankly, I'm expecting to get punched, so you'd probably rather be alone for that too."

"What do you mean?" Her voice was wary now, and sounded more like the Buffy he knew rather than the pod person who had taken over her body.

"Well, it's like this. While you were gone during the summer, I was attacked by a demon. I killed it, but it poisoned me, and the only known cure was an exchange of blood with a vampire. So, in a word or several, Angel saved my life."

"That's nice of Angel," she snapped, and there was a serious bite in her voice. "Why do I care?"

Issues much?

"I wasn't finished," he snapped back, then took a deep breath, trying to calm down. Losing his temper wouldn't do any good, and could do even more harm than this conversation was already going to do.

"His blood made me into something... more than human. Not a vampire, but I have a lot of their strengths."

"Good for you," she said, her voice dripping sarcasm. "Again, why do I care?"

"There's more to it," he said carefully. "Afterwards, I was... it was sort of like I was turned. And when a new vampire rises, he goes through a serious pain. The only way to get rid of it is either to make their first kill, or to be claimed by their Sire."

"Which would be Angel," she said, no longer sounding quite so venomous. "So, what, he bit you again?"

"Not exactly," he said, and then took a very deep breath, and let it out. "Claiming involves... well.... um..."

"Spit it out, Xander."

"Sex," he blurted out, and then closed his eyes when he saw the look on her face. Comprehension, followed by shock and then a nice chaser of hurt.

"You fucked Angel?"

"Other way around, really," he said, and then winced. Tactful, Harris. Real tactful.

"So Angel fucked you. What, to save your life?"

"Pretty much," he said. "The pain just gets worse and worse, till you eventually die. Or so I was made to understand, after three days of said pain."

"And, what? You told me, just to twist the knife and gloat?"

"No," he said, keeping the shreds of his nonexistent dignity wrapped around him like a cloak. "No, I told you because you're my friend, and I'm not going to keep something like that from you. You deserved to know the truth, and so I gave it to you."

"You're not my friend," she hissed. "No one who is my friend could have done this to me."

He took a step towards her, one hand outstretched, and dropped it when she backed a hasty step away, dashing tears away from her eyes. "I'm still your friend, Buffy," he said sadly. "No matter what you think, no matter what happened with Angel. I'm still your friend."

"No," she said. "No, you're really not. In fact, you're nothing to me."

He watched sadly as she turned on her heel and stormed off, but couldn't feel anything but a sort of dragging tiredness.

"Didn't go well, I take it."

He didn't turn around at Angel's voice. "No, that would be a bit of an understatement," he said quietly, watching the empty alleyway where she'd been standing. "If it's any consolation, I think she currently hates my guts rather than yours."

"Not really," Angel said.

"No, it isn't really, is it?"

* * *

"So, how'd it go?" Willow asked as she sat down next to him. Xander lifted his head from the table and stared at her out of bloodshot eyes.

"How well do you think it went?"

"That would be a 'not so great, Willow,' then," Willow said, and sighed. "Damn. I knew that she'd be upset, of course, but I hoped..."

"What? That she'd understand and forgive my little betrayal? Don't think so, Wills."

"What happened?" Giles said, as he sat down at the table as well. "You spoke to Buffy, I presume?"

"It went badly," Willow supplied.

"It was fucked," Xander said, more bluntly. "She's not going to forgive any time soon."

"Can you really blame her?"

"Me?" Xander shrugged. "Not at all. Willow was the only one who expected her to understand."

He caught the sound of an additional heartbeat near them, and looked up to see Buffy standing there. "Uh, hi, Buffy," Willow said. "How's it going?"

"I need to talk to Giles," Buffy said, and the anger in her look was reserved entirely for Xander. Well, at least she didn't hate Willow, as well.

"Don't worry, I'm leaving," Xander said. "No need for the rest of you to shift yourselves."

"You'll be in class?" Willow asked, looking anxious.

"Willow, have I ever skipped class? No, don't answer that. I'm going."

He walked off and ignored the pain he felt when he felt the angry glare of a Slayer on his back the whole way out.

* * *

Willow caught up with him later in the day. "You should know that the Anointed One has gathered forces again, and they're trying to bring the Master back," she told him. "Buffy just left to deal with it. She seemed a little... tense."

"Can't imagine why," Xander said wryly. "Guess she's glad I'm not around, at least."

"I think it's more than just you," Willow said thoughtfully. "She was acting weird before you told her, remember? Mean. Cruel, even. Bitching out Cordy, and she was obviously hacked off at Angel even before you told her, and then there was the whole dance thing."

"You're right," Xander said, then shrugged. "Well, the whole thing with the Master must have her really wigged. Nothing we can do about it now. Just gotta hope that she works out her issues on the Anointed One and his minions."

Willow agreed, and followed him into the library. "Hey, speaking of Cordy, has anyone seen her?" Xander wanted to know. "She wasn't swanning around, mocking the less fortunate."

"She was kidnapped as bait to get Buffy around so that they can use her blood to raise the Master," Willow explained. Xander raised an eyebrow.

"She always did have the most fun," he said dryly, and then waved when he saw Giles. "Hey."

"This is not good news," Giles said, almost to himself, as he ran his finger down the page of the book he was reading. Both teens crowded around behind him, trying to see what it was, exactly, that he was reading.

"Giles, what is it?" Willow demanded when Giles said nothing.

"Well, it's just... it seems that I didn't quite translate this properly. The ritual to raise the Master requires the blood of the one or ones who were closest to the Master when he died- _physically_ closest. That means..."

"Me, you, Cordy, and Mrs. Calendar," Willow finished. "What do you bet that they've already got Mrs. Calendar, too?"

"No bet," Xander said, and pointed to the vampires that were leering down at them from within the stacks. "And it looks like they're trying for a full quartet."

* * *

The day was saved and everyone was safe, except for all the vampires that had been dusted. Xander put his arm around Willow's shoulders, and watched as Buffy pounded the Master's bones into little itty pieces.

She dropped the hammer and turned to Angel, crying. Xander watched, feeling a pang when he put his arms around her, making meaningless shushing noises into her hair. Well, at least Angel wasn't going to pay for his mistakes.

"She'll get over it eventually," Willow said, guessing accurately at his thoughts. He lifted one shoulder in a halfhearted shrug.

"Will she? I'm not sure I would, in her position. It's the ultimate betrayal of friendship. Would you get over it, if it were you?"

"I'm not sure," she admitted. "I think I would. But I can't really know, can I?"

Xander leaned his chin on the railing and listened with half an ear to the sound of Buffy crying. "No," he said softly. "I don't think anyone can."


	4. Jealousy

**Chapter Four: Jealousy.** Grave robbery abounds, while the events of the summer tie all three participants of the love triangle in knots.

* * *

Xander leaned against a tree and sighed. This was... not one of his best days, frankly. He'd failed at least one test, gotten in the middle of yet another parental fight, and now he was patrolling through the graveyard, for no other reason than that he was bored and didn't want to stay in, because staying in meant time to think.

Buffy was still not speaking to him, which, while it didn't surprise him, also sent a particular pang through his heart. She'd been one of his best friends, and his biggest crush ever, before this whole mess had started.

He sighed again, and straightened back up. Might as well keep going, see if he could meet a fun new demon to test himself against. Giles had been training him during his spare time, and he was pleasantly surprised by his success. He'd quickly reached the limits of Giles' endurance, and so that was reason number three for patrolling tonight- to find something with more-than-human strength, to see if he could beat it.

His sensitive ears caught the sound of voices before he actually caught sight of the couple, and for that he was grateful. He didn't particularly want to stumble into the middle of an argument between Angel and Buffy, especially since, from what he could hear, they were arguing about him.

So, in the interests of self-preservation, he hid behind a bush. And eavesdropped.

"What would you have had me do, Buffy? Let him die?"

"Yes- No, of course not. But you had sex with him, Angel. That's not exactly good boyfriend behavior."

"Yeah, and I'm sorry about that, and I've said I'm sorry about that. But I'm surprised you even care- the way you were acting when you showed up at the Bronze that night, you weren't exactly wanting to start up where we'd left off."

"I was just doing that to make you crazy!"

"Well, congratulations. You were practically fucking Xander yourself out there on the dance floor for no better reason that to 'make me crazy', and you're pissed at me for fucking him to save his life?"

"That was different!"

"Yeah? And how, exactly, was it different?"

"It was-" She was interrupted by a snarl from the vampire that had just risen behind her. "We're not done yet," she promised him, and then turned to swiftly fight and then dust the vampire. "It _was _different!" she exclaimed as she tucked the stake back into her waistband. "That was just one little dance, and we had all our clothes on. It wasn't like-" She stopped suddenly, and sighed. "Okay, so you're right. I wouldn't want you to have let Xander die. Just... there wasn't any other way?"

"There really wasn't," Angel said. "Believe me, I would have found one." He paused, then seemed to just go ahead and say it. "Buffy, neither of us exactly wanted to. I only want you. You should know that. And Xander... well, Xander pretty much only wants you too."

"I know," she said, and drooped. "I just... I can't get my mind around it, you know? I look at him, and all I can see is the guy who had sex with the guy that I consider 'mine,' you know? And it doesn't help that he feels more like a demon than a human to my Slayer sense. It's like... not only is it my dear friend Xander who had sex with you, it's not even Xander in there anymore. Does that make any sense at all?"

"It makes plenty of sense," Angel assured her. "But this is really something you should be telling him, not me. You two need to talk, you know."

"I know." She sighed. "Well, it looks like I'm going home now. I'll... see you later, I guess."

"Yeah, later," he said, and watched her as she walked away. "I know you're there," he said as soon as she was out of earshot. "I can smell you."

Xander shrugged as he emerged from his hiding place. "I figured," he said. "That was... illuminating. I'm glad you two are getting along now, at least."

Angel snorted. "Were you listening to the same conversation that I was? If that's your definition of getting along, well, I'd like to see what you consider an argument."

"Well, it did sound a little... bitter," Xander said delicately. He sighed and leaned back against a nearby tree, then slid down to sit at the base. "Hell. What are we going to do?"

"What, about Buffy?"

"No, about us," Xander said. Angel remained silent, and Xander smiled mirthlessly. "What, cat got your tongue?"

"There is no us, Xander. We both know that."

"Oh, I know it," Xander said. "That doesn't prevent this... thing between us to make us incredibly uncomfortable in each other's presence."

Angel sighed, then came over and sat next to Xander. "You're right. But I haven't turned anyone- so to speak- since before I got my soul back, and sex is slightly less awkward when you're evil."

"You mean there's no ugly morning-after's?" Xander said. "Damn, sign me up."

Angel half-smiled. "Yeah. It's just... This is always going to be between us. It's partly a Sire-Childe thing, and partly..."

"Partly the fact that I remember what it's like to have you inside me? Yeah, I know."

Angel closed his eyes. "Yeah. That. It's not exactly comfortable for me. When Buffy was dancing with you, all I wanted to do was tear you two away from each other, and I was having trouble deciding whether I was trying to get you away from her... or to get her away from you."

"Christ, tell me about it," Xander sighed. "When you two were doing the comforting embrace thing after her smashing up the Master, well, let's just say I had the same reaction. Still attracted to Buffy- nothing wrong with my eyesight, that's for sure- but it seems like I'm attracted to you too." Xander shrugged and eyed Angel's faintly panicked expression with tired amusement. "Don't get all wiggy. I'm not gonna go panting after you. I'm just saying it, because it seems like it's better to just get it out there rather than dance around it."

"So, it's said," Angel said. "Now what?"

"Now we both go home, and pretend we didn't say it," Xander said, and gave him a lopsided smile. "Relax. This doesn't really mean anything in the grand scheme of things. We'll deal, and you'll get the girl, and I'll hang back and be Funny Xander. It's how it works."

"What about you?" Angel wanted to know.

"Me? Well, maybe Buffy and I'll patch things up, and maybe we won't. Either way, the world will go on."

"No, I mean... will you find someone?"

"Maybe." Xander shrugged. "I'm not thinking about it right now, you know. I'm just trying to get through one day and night at a time. It's a simple way to live."

"Can't argue with that," Angel said, and stood up, brushing off the seat of his pants before offering a hand to Xander. "You going home?"

"Yeah," Xander said, and let Angel pull him up. "Was looking for a fight tonight, but I think I've tapped all my energy with this lovely little heart-to-heart. You?"

"I think I'm going to look for the fight you're giving up," Angel admitted. "Kinda in the mood, you know?"

"Oh, I know," Xander said. "Guess I'll be seeing you aro-"

The rest of the word was cut off when he fell into the open grave in front of him. Angel's head was immediately visible over the lip of the hole. "Are you hurt?"

"Only my pride," Xander said wryly, and pulled himself neatly out. "Another vampire?"

"Not vampire," Angel said distractedly. "Look at that. The body was dragged out of here."

Xander stared at the tracks. "Well, that's new and different."

"That's one word for it."

"Two words, actually."

"Whatever."

* * *

Xander finished telling Giles what he'd found the night before with a sighed, "Can you tell Buffy for me? I somehow doubt she wants to hear it from me."

"Hear what?" Buffy said from the doorway. Xander looked up sharply, then took a deep breath and decided to just keep it professional instead of dancing around with joy over her speaking to him at all.

"I was in the cemetery last night, and I found an open grave. Tracks indicate that the body was dragged from it, rather than walking away on its own power."

"Ew," she said succinctly. "Even by Hellmouth standards, that's creepy. Any lead on who did it?"

He shrugged. "You and Angel pretty much trampled all over the scent tracks. I doubt I'd even recognize the guys if I got near them."

She blinked. "Scent tracks... right, vampire sense. I forgot." Her expression said that she'd have been happier without the reminder.

He shrugged again. "I just got done telling Giles. Hadn't gotten to the theories part yet. Giles, contributions?"

"Well, it could the work of a demon that eats only the flesh of the dead. It could also be the work of a voodoo practitioner."

"Zombies?" This came from Willow.

"Yes, exactly."

"It could be a garden-variety human psychopath," Xander pointed out. "I'm sure that we could manage to get those, even on the Hellmouth."

"Yes, that was absolutely the most encouraging thing you could have said," Buffy pointed out snidely.

Xander held up his hands, palms out, in a defensive gesture. "Just a suggestion." He glanced over at Willow and Giles, then said, "Well, I'm done. I'll just head off to class. You lot can do the Slayer thing."

He was almost out of the library when Buffy caught up to him and grabbed his elbow. "Xander, I... I need to talk to you."

He took a deep breath, prayed to whatever deity would listen, and turned to face her. "Of course. Now, or do you want to wait?"

"I think putting it off would be of the bad," she said tightly. "Can we just..." She gestured toward the door.

"Sure." He left the library and headed for a classroom he knew was empty this block, knowing by the near-silent footsteps behind him that she was following.

He shut the door behind her, then leaned against it. "Shoot."

"I just wanted to say... Well, I... I'm glad that you're not dead."

He was silent for a moment. "So am I?" he offered. "Buffy, what do you want from me here?"

She sighed and sat on top of the nearest desk. "I don't know. It drives me crazy to think that you've had sex with Angel when I've never done anything more than kiss him and I'm pretty sure I'm in love with him, but I also wouldn't want you to be dead."

"It can't help that I'm not entirely human anymore," Xander added, drawing on what he'd learned from eavesdropping the night before to help him now.

"No, it really doesn't," she agreed, then shook her head. "What am I saying? It's awesome that you're more than human. It keeps you safer, and could even make things easier for me. I should be overjoyed."

"But you can't convince your instincts that I'm totally Xander anymore, and my non-human-ness is what led to the whole mess with Angel."

She flinched, and he sighed. "Am I not supposed to say his name? Are we dancing around the subject again?"

"No, we're not, it's just... it hurts, you know?"

He smiled lopsidedly. "I know. But if it helps any to hear it, it didn't mean anything. There's something between us, yeah, but it's not... it's not like I think you're worried it is. Angel loves you. Actually, Angel loves you more than he loves anything on this Earth or beyond it. And if you don't know that, then you're a fool." He finished his little monologue with a much harsher tone than he had meant to, but decided not to apologize for it.

Silence reigned for a moment. "I know. I don't always think about it, and definitely don't talk about it, but I do know that he loves me. It's just... you said you had a thing between you. What sort of thing?"

"Not sex," he reassured her. "I am possibly starting to think about guys in a way I hadn't previously, but not about Angel. We're just... friends, sort of. It's complicated. I never liked him that much-" He stopped and smiled when she gave a snort of laughter. "Yeah, I wasn't exactly subtle about it, was I? Anyway, I never liked him that much, but now he's my Sire, as far as that goes, and so there's a bond there. A very reluctant bond," he added, "but a bond nevertheless. And even that bond of blood is nothing compared to the bonds that tie you to him."

She stared at him in silence for a minute, then abruptly closed the distance between them in a few strides and wrapped her arms around him. He hugged her back and rested his chin on the top of her head, smiling a little mistily.

"I missed you," she said into his chest. "It's not the same without you there, making witty comments about everything."

"That's me, Funny Xander," he said, and felt a little pang at the unconscious echo of his conversation with Angel. "I missed you, too."

They stood there for a minute before she finally pulled away to kiss him on the cheek. He smiled down at her, and returned the kiss, on her forehead.

"Are we okay now?"

"We're okay," she said.

"Good. Wanna go deal with grave robbers?"

"Yeah, I think I do."

"Cool," he grinned, and with one arm around her shoulders, he opened the door and guided her back towards the library.

* * *

Another night in the cemetery, another conversation that Xander was just as glad to have been able to avoid stumbling into. Was this déjà vu, or what?

"Sounds like he took it too far to me," Angel was saying, as he and Buffy strolled through the graveyard.

"Love makes you do the whacky."

"What?"

"Er, crazy stuff."

"What, like a vampire with more than two centuries under his belt getting tied into knots over a single dance?"

"Yeah, and a girl who should know better getting wiggy over her boyfriend saving her friend's life?" Buffy smiled and sighed. "We've both had our share of bad moments the last few days. Me more than you, I think."

"I don't know. I think we're pretty evenly tied, as these things go."

Buffy shook her head. "I went crazy. I can see that now. Xander told me about you two, and I just... flipped. Didn't get over it, not really, until I talked to him yesterday. He made me see that there's nothing to be jealous of. That you two belong to each other in some weird way, but that it doesn't necessarily have to get between the two of us."

Angel made some sort of affirmative noise, and Buffy glanced sideways at him. "Yeah, I know what you're thinking. He's been more mature about this than either of us, hasn't he? The boy who couldn't even stand to hear me say your name just did his best to make sure that things between you and me were as smooth as possible. Makes me feel a little stupid, truth be told."

Angel smiled and her and hitched one shoulder in a half-shrug. "He's growing up. Doesn't mean that you're not. You listened to him, didn't you? That means that you've got a fair share of maturity under your belt."

Buffy gifted him with a brilliant smile. "I did, didn't I? Good for me." She stopped, and looked around the cemetery. "Okay, this place is dead, no pun intended. I think I'm going to go home and get caught up on my beauty sleep."

"I could... walk you home?" Angel offered. She smiled at him again, this one shy.

"Okay," she said, and clasped her hand in his when he held it out. They started to walk together, but Angel paused and stared hard at the spot in the bushes where Xander was hiding.

Xander gave him a thumbs-up, and Angel smiled back at him. "What is it?" Buffy asked. "Did you hear something?"

"It's nothing," he said, and smiled down at her. "Just saw a shadow or something."

Xander watched the two of them walk off together, and ignored the pain he felt in his heart. It didn't matter than he loved them both, albeit in different ways. They were meant to be together, and nothing could change that, not even him.

No matter how much he might wish otherwise.


	5. Spike

**Chapter Five: Spike.** Just when Xander thinks he's going to go insane without a good fight, here comes Spike to grant his wish. Only things don't go quite the way anyone wants them to.

Note: Apologies to anyone who had problems with the summary. The first time around, it was cut off, and prompted several responses telling me that I hadn't given a slash warning in the summary, and so I apologize to anyone who read it and didn't understand it was slash. I also realize that the summary speaks of a romance with _Spike,_ not Angel, which confused some. The events with Angel were simply setting the stage for Spike's entrance, which occurs in this chapter, thus the title. Those who were waiting for Spike's entrance with bated breath, here he is. Enjoy.

* * *

Xander sighed and tilted his chair back till his head rested against the wall. "Remind me why I'm here again?" 

"Because Giles is in full-on research mode, and you told me just this morning that you were bored out of your mind?" Buffy suggested.

He glared at her. "Research not exactly helping the boredom factor, Buff. In fact, I think I can feel it getting worse as we speak. What I meant when I said I was bored and wanted something to do was more along the lines of a good fight, or something _interesting_ for a change. You have to admit, things have been pretty dead for the past week or two."

She glared at him. "You had to say that. You had to wish for trouble, just when I need Sunnydale to be trouble-free. Parent-teacher night, remember? Pending expulsion? Snyder's got a bug up his butt about me again, and this is his newest hoop for me to jump through."

Xander winced. "Er, sorry. Though if something does happen, I'll kill, and you'll make punch."

Buffy sighed. "Xander, I know you're stronger now and everything, but you're still human."

"Not really," he said. "Buffy, I broke the chain on the punching bag last week. And that was when I _wasn't_ trying very hard. I can handle myself pretty well."

"Can you really? You haven't exactly been in any major battles yet. You haven't even fought a single demon."

He arched an eyebrow. "What, you and Angel don't count?"

She sneered. "No, we don't count, because we're not really trying to kill you. A fight is entirely different when it's in an actual life-or-death situation, rather than just training."

"Hey Giles!" Xander called. "Did you catch that? I think Buffy had actually been listening to you. Some of those words sounded suspiciously like yours, only minus the stuffy accent."

"Yes, thank you, Xander," Giles said, emerging from the stacks. "While it's always reassuring to know that Buffy is listening to me, could you have possibly phrased that in a slightly less insulting manner?"

"No, he couldn't," Buffy said with a little glare for Xander. "He's witty if it kills him."

"Which is hasn't, yet," Xander said, and neatly brought the conversation back to its original point. "And isn't likely to any time soon, since I can hold my own pretty well. Or are you going to tell me that you were pulling your punches?"

"No, I wasn't," she said with asperity, then sighed. "Okay, fine. You can hold your own. Can you not go rushing off into major battle any time soon, though? I like you Xander-shaped, instead of in little itty bitty pieces."

Xander shrugged easily, and ignored the irritation that came from her continued protectiveness of him since she really was just worried about him, and anyway he'd gotten the concession he wanted from her. "Sure, Buffy. When have you ever known me to be rash and impulsive?"

He favored her with a charming don't-you-trust-me smile, and Buffy groaned and buried her face in her arms.

* * *

The Bronze was jumping, in the very best way. Xander had discovered, to his delight, that dancing came easier to him now. Willow also claimed that his dress sense was improving, but he took that with a grain of salt, since she could just be trying to make him feel better about his new wardrobe. He'd started buying darker and better-fitting clothes, which were more suitable for the time he was spending out and about after dark, and Willow had been known to lie through her teeth about how good or not his clothes looked. 

He liked the band, and when a new song started he decided that it was time to round up the girls for a little group dancing. Buffy objected for all of... three seconds, and between the two of them they managed to drag Willow out to the dance floor.

They were soon interrupted by necessary slayage, though, and so all three of them went rushing out back to save the day. Buffy started pummeling tall, dark, and ugly, and when she called out for a stake Xander immediately started scanning the area for something suitable.

"Spike, help!" the guy demanded, but Xander didn't have time to look around for "Spike," because he was busy breaking off a slat from an already shattered wooden crate and tossing it to Buffy. She quickly dusted the vamp, and then all three of them were startled by the sudden clapping from the shadows.

A man emerged, still clapping slowly, and Xander stared at him for a moment. Lean body, lots of muscle, and... vamp face, right. Xander immediately stopped checking him out, and took to examining more towards "bad guy" criteria rather than "hottie" criteria. His nostrils flared as he caught the scent. This Spike smelled like... Angel, somehow. Not much, but enough that Xander wanted to know what the hell was going on.

He was so caught up in wondering what this vamp's connection to Angel was that he missed the little menacing byplay between the vamp and Buffy. Spike vanished off somewhere, and Buffy was staring, caught up, at the spot where he'd been standing seconds before.

"Go talk to Giles?" Willow suggested, and Buffy nodded her wordless agreement. Xander said casually, "I think I'm going to go home. I'll catch up on everything tomorrow, okay?"

"You need a walk home?" Buffy asked absently, then flushed when he gave her an unamused look. "Okay, sorry, you can take care of yourself, blah blah blibbity blah. Go home, catch up on beauty sleep. We'll see you tomorrow."

"I'll have you know that I'm plenty beautiful as it is," Xander said grandly, then ducked as she threw something at him. "I'm going, I'm going. See you tomorrow."

He waited till he was around the corner, and out of their eyesight, before changing direction to head for Angel's place.

* * *

"It's the funniest thing," Xander said the moment Angel opened his door. "There's this vampire that threatened to kill Buffy tonight. He calls himself Spike, and he smells like you. Care to explain?" 

"Yes, Xander, come in," Angel said dryly, and shut the door behind him with a sigh as soon as he entered. "He's... not my Childe, but he was turned by one of my Childer."

"Well, that explains that, at least. Did you know he was in town?"

"Not until now," Angel said with a shrug. "I'm not exactly tied in very well to the demon world's gossip hotline."

"Yeah, I get that. What's he like?"

"Persistent to the point of terror," Angel said bluntly. "Once he decides that he wants something, he'll go after it until he's either dust or has eliminated everything in his path."

"That's... somehow less than encouraging. Anything else you want to share?"

"He's gone up against two Slayers in his time. He's killed both of them. Don't underestimate him. Other than that, Giles probably has more information that I do. We haven't exactly been in touch over the last... century or so. Tell him to look up William the Bloody- that's what he went by before he decided to change his name, for reasons I still don't understand."

"Right. William the Bloody, one dangerous bastard. And he's after Buffy? Not good."

"Not good at all," Angel agreed soberly.

* * *

"Buffy, relax," Xander said, then wondered why he was bothering to say it at all. There was no way she was going to relax. There was too much at stake, on this night of all nights. 

"I can't relax!" she wailed. "The parents are going to get here any minute, and I can't get rid of the feeling that says that I've forgotten something."

"Um, banner, lounge, snacks, punch..."

"Punch!" she exclaimed. "I've forgotten punch!"

"Relax. You get the punch, and I'll finish the veggies."

She gave him a dubious look. "You, cook?"

He sighed. "It's not cooking," he explained patiently. "I'm just chopping and arranging. I think I can handle it. Would you rather me try to make punch?"

"Right, you're on veggie duty." She glanced around the rest of the library, where Giles and Willow were buried in books and Cordelia was unenthusiastically sharpening a stake.

"We'll be fine, Buffy," Willow said absently. "Go do the punch thing."

"Right, I'm punchbound," she said, and made her way out of the library. Xander waited till he heard her steps retreating out of earshot before he turned to Giles.

"So? Spill."

"I beg your pardon?"

"I mean, tell me everything you've learned about William the Bloody. Angel was, shall we say, less than forthcoming."

"Oh, right. Well, this particular vampire seems to be known as a cut above the rest. More vicious than most, and he seems to be the type to actively seek out trouble."

"Such as Slayers," Xander said. "Yeah, that fits. And the feast of St. Vigeous is his night to strike?"

"It seems so, yes," Giles said. "Why are you so curious?"

Xander hunched one shoulder in a shrug as he went back to chopping vegetables. "No reason."

* * *

Xander was in less than a good mood. The evening had been going fairly well, by all accounts. Willow had stalled Mrs. Summers rather brilliantly for most of the night, but things had started going downhill when Snyder had finally managed to get ahold of her. And then... 

And then there was Spike.

So here was Xander, knocking on Angel's door for the second time in as many days, and praying as hard as he could that no one that he cared about would be killed in his absence. He would have prayed for no deaths at all, but after hearing what he had about Spike and seeing the size of the group of minions he'd brought with him, well, he figured that no deaths was a bit too much to hope for.

Angel opened the door, wearing nothing but a pair of sweatpants and gleaming with sweat. "Xander, what's wrong?"

"Spike, minions, school. They've got everyone pinned down in a couple of rooms. I got out through the stacks to get you. I don't know what the death toll is, but Buffy looked like she got most everyone in one of the classrooms with her. What were you doing?"

"Huh?"

"Half-dressed, covered in sweat. What were you doing?"

"Oh, that," Angel said, looking like he was having trouble switching his train of thought. "Tai Chi."

"You do Tai Chi? Cool. Get dressed, will you? It's a bit of a life-or-death thing at the moment."

"Yeah, hold on a minute," Angel said, and vanished in his room to find a shirt and shoes.

Less than a minute later, they were on their way to the school, as fast as they could run. Xander was pleased to see that it was pretty damn fast, and that he was keeping up with Angel without any apparent trouble.

Trouble showed itself when they hit school grounds, and saw the group of vampires that was guarding the way in and out. Xander let out a yip of joy and dove into the fray, distantly aware that Angel was right on his heels.

Oh god, this was what he'd been looking for. _This_ was what his body was meant to do. This was heat, and speed, and the smell of blood and dust on the air as he and his Sire worked their way quickly through the too-few number of guards Spike had set.

Xander grinned at Angel, unaware that the look in his eyes was wild and feral and less than sane at the moment. "Oh god, that's incredible," he said. "What a rush."

"Xander, focus, will you? We've got more problems."

Xander shook his head when Angel's words sunk in. "Sorry. Sorry. Okay. We still have to deal with Spike, right? Do you have a plan?"

"I do."

"Mind filling me in?"

"I'm evil. You're my Consort. I'm handing you over to Spike as a goodwill gift. Hit him very hard, preferably in the face. Then we fight. Any questions?"

"Yeah. What's a Consort?"

"It's complicated, and I'll explain the whole thing to you later, but for right now- it's a human who's had vampire blood, which you have. You're going to smell like my Consort to him anyway, so we might as well go with that rather than trying to pretend you're a meal, which he'd never believe in a million years. So can we go?"

"Sure," Xander said, and they grinned at each other as they sauntered through the open doorway.

* * *

Spike was in the hallway with one of his minions, poking at the ceiling tiles with a long metal pole. He turned when he saw Angel, and a grin spread over his face, displaying his fangs even more prominently. 

"Angelus! I'll be damned." He dropped the pole and strode over, wrapping Angel in a hug. "Haven't seen you for decades, mate."

Angel, also in game face, hugged him back and then stepped back, putting a proprietary arm around Xander's shoulders. "Feels like longer."

Spike gave Xander a measuring look. "Seems like some things have changed. It's not like you to keep a Consort, Angelus. Usually you just kill them, or turn them if you like them enough."

Angel smirked and pulled Xander closer to his body. "Have you ever had a Consort's blood, Spike? It's a rush. Besides, there's all sorts of things he can do for me in the daylight, where I can't go."

Spike clucked his tongue. "Gotta admit, that's useful. Just... the Slayer's boy? You used to have better taste."

"What can I say? Keeps her off my back. She thinks I'm sweet on her boy here, and so she's never coming after me when I feed."

Spike shook his head admiringly. "That's you, always thinking ahead. But I have to ask- why are you here, anyway?"

"Well, much as I like my boy, I've got bigger plans. Say, the Slayer?"

"You've got stones, mate. I'll grant you that. Bit of a problem with that, though. I'm killing her, tonight. Don't plan on leaving much for you to play with."

"Spike, Spike, always stuck in the here-and-now. Why not just catch her and... keep her, for a while? No reason we couldn't share."

"What do I get out of this deal?" Spike asked warily.

"Besides the pleasure of the Slayer's sweet body?"

"Besides that, yeah."

"Him." Angel nodded down at Xander.

Spike arched an eyebrow, and this time his slow up-and-down perusal of Xander was a lot more thorough. Somehow Xander managed to keep from blushing, though it took a bit of effort.

"Well, can't say as I object to the thought of the tender mouthful here, but why?"

"Do I need any more reason than getting my hands on the Slayer?"

"No, not really," Spike said, looking thoughtful. "Alright, then. We take the Slayer together, and you hand the boy over."

"Of course," Angel said, and gave Xander a tiny nudge.

Xander took a step forward, already curling his hand into a fist to clock Spike with, but Spike beat him to it and landed a truly sweet one, right between Angel's yellow eyes. "Did you think you could fool me?" Spike raged, and whirled away to pace back and forth across the room, waving his arms. "You were my Sire, man, my friggin' Yoda!"

"Can I still hit him?" Xander muttered to Angel.

"Be my guest."

Xander strode forward, grabbed Spike's shoulder, and punched him in the face.

Of course, Spike punched right back, and his minions charged forward, intent on slaughtering them both. Xander glanced at them, glanced at Angel, and then bolted out the door, Angel hot on his heels.

The minions charged after them, and were dusted in short order. Spike, however, was still back in the school. As soon as the dust settled, so to speak, they could hear voices, and then the sound of fighting.

They glanced at each other, and then both ran back for the doors.

* * *

Buffy didn't seem to be having too much trouble. She was more than a match for Spike, to all appearances, anyway. And then Spike pulled out the board, and clocked her with it. 

"But not as much as this will," he grinned, lifting the board over his head, and they both leaped forward, ready to stop him, if only they could get there in time...

And then Spike went flying, knocked sideways from the blow that Joyce Summers had dealt him with an axe to the back of the head. "You get the hell away from my daughter," she said, and Xander took the chance to grab Angel's shoulder and pull him outside, out of sight, before Joyce could spot him and wonder what the hell he was doing at the school.

Buffy jumped to her feet and stood next to her mother, glaring at him. "Women," Spike snarled, and threw the board aside, diving through the window.

He paused to glare at Angel and Xander. "I'll be seeing you," he said, threat clear in his voice, and it wasn't clear whether he was talking to Angel, or to Xander.

* * *

"Well, that was exciting," Xander said. He was walking home with Angel at his side, since his place was more or less on the way and Angel couldn't exactly go check on Buffy since Joyce was with her. "Sunnydale does Parent-Teacher Night: the Hellmouth strikes again." 

"I think I want to feel surprised that Spike wasted the night of St. Vigeous by attacking tonight instead, but I really can't," Angel said thoughtfully. "Spike's always been... rash."

Xander snorted. "Understatement, thy name is Angel."

Angel sort of smiled, and they walked a while more in silence. "Okay, I have to ask. You said that Spike wasn't your Childe, but had been turned by one of your Childer. So what was up with the 'you were my Sire, you were my Yoda' crap?"

Angel sighed heavily. "Drusilla- his Sire- was, well, one of the worst things I've ever done. I killed everyone she ever loved, drove her insane, and then turned her. Her insanity carried over into her unlife, and she was... not fit to train a new fledge, especially not one as headstrong as Spike turned out to be. It fell to me to watch over him, and make sure that he didn't get himself and the rest of us killed. It could be said that I was his Sire in most ways that count."

Xander shrugged. "Makes sense to me." He paused, and looked up at his door. "This is my stop. I'll see you around?"

"Yeah, sure," Angel said, and to Xander's surprise clasped him in a quick hug. Xander hugged him back, then stepped away with a grin on his face.

"Sweet dreams," he said, and went into the house, locking the door behind him.

Angel stared at the door for a moment, then shook his head and continued on down the sidewalk, not glancing over to the other side of the road. If he had, he would have seen a shadowy figure, leaning against a tree and smoking.

Spike watched the light in Xander's bedroom go on, and smirked when he saw Xander in front of the window, undressing. "Yeah, pet," he said around a mouthful of smoke. "I'll be seeing you."


	6. Kissing Cousins

**Chapter Six: Kissing Cousins.** While Xander pursues a relationship with Buffy's beautiful houseguest, he has to contend with being stalked by a very persistent Spike.

* * *

"I want to go," Buffy pouted. "Dance. Music. Fun. Giles, do you remember fun?"

Giles rolled his eyes. "Buffy, that's not the point."

"Then what is the point?" She took her anger with Giles out on Xander, landing several punishing punches on the bag he was holding. He winced reflexively, though with the heavy padding he was holding, it didn't really hurt.

"The point is that you have a secret that you have to keep. A very important secret."

"Yeah, yeah, saving the world from the forces of evil, blah blah blah. Anything new, Giles, or are you going to repeat yourself at me all day?"

"Buffy, it's going to be hard enough hiding your secret identity as it is, with someone living with you."

"Then I should be going to the dance like a normal girl, so no one can suspect."

"Buffy, you need to be alert. You need to stay sharp. You need to-"

"Be as stuffy as my Watcher?"

Xander, tired of being pounded, abruptly took a step back and tossed the padding to Giles. "I'm taking a break. Giles, your turn to get beaten on."

Xander crossed the room to sit on the counter. He watched, kicking his feet idly as Buffy pounded on Giles for a change. "I. Want. To. Go. To. The. Dance."

He winced as each punch or kick drove Giles a step further back. Giles didn't look happy with it, either. Buffy stopped to correct her stance, and wheedled, "Come on, Giles, budge. No one likes a non-budger."

He frowned at her, and she shifted to kick again, which prompted him to drop the bag and hold up his hands in surrender. "Alright, you may go to this dance. Just... be careful."

He winced his way back into his office, and Buffy bounced over to Xander. "So. Dance. What are your plans for the night?"

"Taking my mom's car, so I've got wheels for the night. Picking up Willow- can I give you a ride, too?"

"Well, you said you're taking Willow-"

"Not taking. Just, you know, in the sense of taking her there. Not taking her there with me. Three is safe. I don't want her to-"

"Get the wrong idea. Yeah, I know." Buffy said cross-legged on the table and sighed. "Oh come on, Xander, don't you ever think about her that way?"

"Not really," he said. "She's my best friend. And also? Recently I've been more for thinking about guys that way, Buff. You know that."

"Yeah, I know that. Still, you also told me that you weren't sure. I mean, you did say that you were attracted to girls, too, right?"

"Right," he said, but he felt far from sure. "I'm still the girl-loving Xan-man." He heard the little voice at the back of his head that told him that he was fooling himself, but he told it firmly to just shut the hell up and let him live in denial if he wanted to.

"Hey guys," Willow said. Xander turned around and smiled at her.

"Hey Wills. We were just discussing my pathetic love life. Want to take a stab or two?"

"Um, no thanks." She looked upset about something, and Xander frowned.

"What's wrong?"

"Well, it's Rodney. He's missing."

"Missing? As in, not in school? Color me shocked."

"Xander, I think it's more than that," Buffy said. "I didn't see him on the bus yesterday, coming home from the museum."

"Huh, me either," Willow said. "I hope he didn't get in trouble at the museum."

"What, like waking the mummy or something? Never happen."

They all stopped, and looked at each other, then at Giles.

"Er," the Watcher said. "Perhaps we should check?"

* * *

"I don't think I liked that guy," Xander said thoughtfully as they made their way back into the library. "He seemed just a tad bit unfriendly."

"Knife-happy is perhaps a better description for it," Buffy corrected. "I wonder who he is."

"More importantly," Willow pointed out, "what does he have to do with the mummy? And how did Rodney get all mummified, anyway?"

"Valid questions, all," Xander said. "But the most important one is this: Where on earth did he get his clothes?"

The other three glared at him, and he held up his hands defensively. "Joke, but it's still a valid point. Not exactly high fashion in this era, you know?"

Giles sighed. "Yes, Xander, it is indeed a valid point. However, we don't know the answer to any of those questions, and I'm not sure where to start looking. It's not exactly my area of expertise."

"Well, whatever the answer is, I think we can be sure that it's locked in that," Buffy said, and nodded at the seal.

"Again, not my area of expertise," Giles said ruefully. "It could take me weeks to get an accurate translation of these pictograms."

"Yeah, you should probably get right on- Impata!"

Xander blinked. "Was I the only one who just got an unhappy image there?"

"Pervert," Buffy said. "And also? Ew. But that's not what I meant. I meant, I was supposed to pick him up there twenty minutes ago. I'm seriously late."

Willow smiled at her. "I'll tag along, if you don't mind? I'm kinda curious to meet this Impata."

Buffy shrugged. "Sure, no problem." She glanced over at Xander. "Xan? Coming along?"

He shook his head. "Heading home, if you two lovely ladies don't mind. Feel kinda tired."

"Okay then. Will? You ready?"

"Yep," Willow said. She looked over at Giles. "You're research guy tonight?"

"As always," Giles said wryly. "You two go ahead. It wouldn't do for you to be too much later at picking up your guest."

* * *

"So," Buffy asked, as they make their way down the darkened street toward the bus depot. "How much of my conversation with Xander did you actually catch?"

"Pretty much all of it," Willow admitted.

"And are you upset?"

"About Xander not feeling that way about me? No, not really. Well, maybe a little. But I already knew that he didn't want me- not like that, anyway- and he did tell me a while ago about the liking guys things, so it wasn't like there were any great surprises. I just... wish that things were different, sometimes, you know? But they aren't, so there's no point moping about it."

"That's the spirit," Buffy said. "Take it from the lips of experience: moping only leads to bad things, like abandoning your friends and violently crushing bones with a sledgehammer."

"I don't think I'm in much danger of the sledgehammer thing," Willow pointed out. "But Buffy, you know that none of us are upset about that. You'd had a hard summer, with the nightmares of the Master and everything, and then the whole thing with Angel and Xander... well, no one's exactly blaming you for not taking it that well."

"I blame me," Buffy said, then sighed. "Okay, this is share time. Don't tell Xander this, okay?"

"My lips are sealed," Willow said.

"Well, when Xander first told me what had happened, I didn't believe him. I mean... this had to be a joke, right? Even my life couldn't get that screwed up. And then I saw the look on his face, and I believed it. It happened. And then... it was like I couldn't think. Total mental meltdown. All I wanted to do was tear him into little bitty pieces, and Angel too, and then curl up in a corner and cry."

She sort-of smiled when Willow made sympathetic noises. "And then I started to get over it. It wasn't like Xander was trying to cut in on my turf, or anything- Angel was saving his life, after all. Then I talked with Angel- argued is possibly more accurate- and then I talked with Xander, and then I talked with Angel again, and it was okay. But- and here's the part that we're not sharing with the class, okay?"

"Okay," Willow said, looking encouraging.

"After I calmed down about the whole thing, I started to think about it. You know, with rational thought processes rather than homicidal rage. And then I had this dream."

"A Slayer dream?"

"No, just your average hormonal teenager dream."

Willow was silent for a minute, then said a very quiet, "Oh."

"Yeah, oh." Buffy was blushing. "I can kinda picture the two of them... you know... and it's... not that bad of a picture, if you know what I mean. There's hotness potential there. Definite wig potential, but when I suppress the thought of it being my boyfriend and my best friend, there's the hotness."

Willow smiled, though she, too, was blushing. "I can kinda see what you mean. Especially since Xander's all different now."

"Yeah, he dresses way better, and did you see him dance?"

"And that one time I was watching you two sparring..."

Buffy pretended to fan herself, then grinned at Willow. "Okay, horny teenager time definitely over. We have an exchange student to pick up, and I don't want to creep him out by giggling at the weirdest times."

Willow grinned back at her. "You know that I'm gonna start laughing as soon as I see him, don't you?"

"You better not," Buffy scolded, then called out, "Impata? Impata Gutierrez?"

There was no answer, and Willow turned to shrug at Buffy. "Maybe he went somewhere else?"

"Maybe," Buffy said doubtfully, and called again, "Impata? Are you here?"

"I am here," a low, accented female voice said. They both looked up to see an incredibly beautiful woman emerge from between two buses. "I am Impata."

* * *

Xander hummed to himself as he bounced down the sidewalk. Buffy had her houseguest coming tonight, and there was the whole mummy thing going on, so what the hell. He wasn't going to be a bored Xander any time soon, which pretty much meant that he was a happy Xander.

"You're looking good, pet. Surprised that Angel's letting you out on your own."

Xander whirled to face the owner of the voice. "Spike. You haven't managed to impale yourself on Buffy's stake yet. Color me amazed." He stopped, as if considering his words. "What is the color of amazement, anyway? A nice blue, maybe?" He shrugged. "Not important."

Spike gave him an odd look. "You think of the strangest things, pet."

Xander snorted. "This from the guy who thought it would be a good idea to attack the Slayer two days before the night when you'd be at your highest strength. Can we say bad planning, anyone?"

"You'd have a sight more trouble saying it with your tongue ripped out," Spike growled. Xander just laughed, casual and carefree, and slipped one hand into his jacket pocket, where he carried a stake.

"Try it," he invited.

"Think you could take me?" Spike sounded amused at the thought.

Xander shook his head. "No, but at least you'll remember me when I'm dead."

Spike smirked and took one sauntering step closer. "Oh, pet, I already can't get you out of my head."

Xander took a reflexive step back at that. "What? What are you talking about?"

"You're just so luscious," Spike purred. "Dark eyes a man could fall into, a mouth that begs to be kissed, and the sweetest arse this side of the Atlantic. Pretty unforgettable."

Xander just stood there and blinked at him. "Have you gone insane?" he wanted to know. "Taken some quality drugs, perhaps?"

Spike leered and took another step closer. "Just you," he whispered. "You're intoxicating."

"Okay, whoa. Brakes." Xander pressed his hand to Spike's chest and shoved, ignoring the feel of cool muscle under his palm. "If you're going to kill me, please do," he said after Spike had stumbled back a step. "But get it over with. Don't make me crazy with lame-ass come-ons. That's just rude."

Spike straightened up, looking offended. Xander valiantly ignored how good offended looked on a face like Spike's. "Lame? I'll have you know that those have worked-"

"On thousands of lucky lads and ladies, I'm sure," Xander interrupted. "But not me. I'm going home now. Good night."

He turned on his heel and marched off, blocking out the low chuckle that followed him down the street.

* * *

"I have the coolest costume," Willow gushed. "I spent forever working on it, and it looks awesome."

Xander grinned at her. "Good for you."

"Do you know what you're wearing yet?" she wanted to know. When he shook his head, she smacked him on the arm. "Xander Harris, the dance is tonight, and you don't even know what you're wearing? Bad Xander!"

He shrugged helplessly. "I've been a bit distracted by the evil mummy thing, what can I say?"

"Even Buffy's already planning what she's wearing," Willow scolded. "And she's got Impata to show around."

"Speaking of Impata, how'd that go last night? Is he nice, or someone that I have to be manly and threaten?"

"Um, about that," she started, then stopped when Xander did, which was when he caught sight of Buffy walking up the steps, Impata in tow.

A very female Impata.

He turned slowly and looked at his friend. "Something you forgot to mention, Wills?"

"Um, oops?" When he continued to stare at her, she sighed. "It turns out there was a mix-up of some sort, and Impata is, in fact, not a guy. And they're coming over here, so you might as well hear everything from Buffy, anyway."

"Right," he told her, then smiled cheerfully as Buffy waved and towed the apparently-not-male Impata towards them.

"Hey," he said. "I'm Xander."

"Xander, this is Impata," Buffy said, waving one hand towards the girl. "She got here last night."

"Good to meet you," he said with a friendly nod. "How was the trip here?"

"Interesting," she said with a smile. "Buffy told me a lot about you last night."

He smiled back at her. "Good things, I hope."

"All good," she reassured him.

"Hey, Buff, didn't Giles say he wanted to meet Impata?" Willow said.

"Yeah, he did," Buffy said. "Impata, you've gotta meet Giles. He'll love you."

* * *

Buffy stared at Xander and Impata's retreating back. "Is it just me, or was that just a little bit weird?"

"That was definitely weird," Willow agreed. "He was all polite and everything on the way in here, but he didn't seem to be, you know, attracted to her or anything. He didn't seem that interested in her at all, really, except for the fact that she was a girl rather than a guy, like he was expecting."

"And then all of a sudden he offers to take her around for the day, and he's being all touchy-feely, with one hand on her back and leaning close and stuff," Buffy finished. "Definitely weird. Especially after that little heart-to-heart yesterday."

Willow gave her a slightly panicked look. "You mean..."

Buffy shook her head quickly. "No, not that heart-to-heart, Wills. The one me and Xander had. About liking guys more than girls, remember?"

"Ah yes," Giles said, looking up from the seal. "I, well, overheard most of that. It does seem a little odd, in light of his confession, especially if his behavior toward her earlier was as you said."

Willow looked from Buffy to Giles. "He's not possessed, or anything, is he? Under a spell, maybe?"

Buffy was staring at the door that the two of them had disappeared through. "I don't think it's anything quite so paranormal, Wills," she said quietly. "Though I think you'll have to ask Xander to find out exactly what's up."

* * *

Buffy pulled Xander away from everyone else, ignoring his protests that Impata was upset after the attack from the knife-happy freak. "I have to talk to you," she said firmly, and dragged him into Giles' office, shutting the door to make sure that they weren't overheard.

She turned and glared at him. "Okay, what gives?"

He gave her the confused look. "What gives what?"

"With you and Impata, dufus."

"Well, it was like I told you. We were eating lunch, and then the guy jumped down and waved his knife around and-"

"Not that, Xander," she said, and crap, that was the Resolve Face. When had she learned that from Willow?

"What, then?" he stalled.

"Why were you all cool and distant when you were first introduced, then suddenly Mr. Lover? It was a little weird."

He shrugged uncomfortably. "I was just surprised at first, was all. You know, I was expecting a guy, and there was a girl. An extremely beautiful girl, who I'm incredibly attracted to," he lied.

"Well, I was kinda wondering, after what you said yesterday about liking guys and everything. It was a little odd."

He shrugged, and gave her the patented, everything's-okay lopsided Xander Harris smile. "Sorry if I worried you or something. It's really not that complicated, though. Xander see pretty girl. Xander like pretty girl. Xander wants to take pretty girl to dance."

Buffy smiled at him. "So ask her," she said. "Willow won't mind."

Xander cocked his head. "Are you sure?"

She nodded. "I'll get Mom to give her a ride with me. Take the pretty girl to the dance, Xander. She looks like she really likes you. Be happy."

He smiled and hugged her. "Sure, Buff. I'm a happy guy."

He kept smiling when he walked out of the office, and he wondered when he'd become such a good liar.

* * *

He was rethinking his plan later that night, swaying on the dance floor at the Bronze with Impata in his arms. It wasn't one of his better ideas, he had to admit. So what if he'd been thinking about a certain bleached blonde too much? Taking a girl to the dance just to prove to himself that he still wanted to wasn't fair to himself, and it certainly wasn't fair to her.

Especially since he didn't particularly want to be here with her. He stared into her eyes and pretended to be starstruck, when all he could think was that things would have been better if he'd let Buffy take Impata to the dance and he'd been the one hunting mummies with Giles.

She was staring back at him, and she looked almost as lovestruck as he was pretending to be. Not a brilliant idea, Harris, he jeered at himself, and, filled with disgust, he glanced away from Impata's adoring eyes.

And looked right into the smirking face of one William the Bloody.

What the hell? He sure as hell wasn't supposed to be here. Why _was_ he here?

Stalking him, of course. Stupid question.

He looked down at Impata. "I need to go," he said. "I'm really sorry, but there's someone that I need to talk to, and I need to talk to him now. Go sit with Willow- I swear I'll be back in a minute."

She frowned at him, but nodded. "Alright."

"Thanks," he said gratefully, and then disappeared into the crowd in the general direction of where he'd seen Spike standing.

Spike wasn't there, of course. That would be too easy. Sighing, he started scanning the crowd, only to stop when he saw a flash of leather near one of the exits.

Bingo.

He followed, going right out into the alley since he knew that that's where Spike would be waiting for him. And sure enough, there he was, leaning against the wall with a smirk on his face and a cigarette between his lips.

"Alright, Blondie, you got my attention. What do you want?"

Spike took a drag on the cigarette and then tossed it away before leering at him. "Obvious, innit? I want you. You're so bloody tempting, it's a wonder some other nasty hasn't snatched you up by now."

Xander grinned at him, and it wasn't a pleasant grin. "One or two have tried," he said easily. "They didn't succeed."

"That's right. You're a Consort. Angel's Consort, and isn't that just... delicious. Angelus taking a Consort, well, it's unthinkable. Or was until you came along."

Xander shook his head. "There was a poison. Only cure was an exchange of blood with a vampire." He stopped. "Why am I telling you this?"

"Because you can't resist me?" Spike suggested. When Xander didn't dignify that with an answer, the vampire continued, "Maybe because you recognize something in me that you're not finding with your other friends."

"Oh yeah? And what's that?"

"Darkness," Spike answered simply. "The Slayer, well, she's the same sort of thing, really, but the other side of the coin, you might say. But me, well, you've got part of the essence of what makes us _more_ in your veins."

"I'm not like you, Spike. I've got the strength, and the senses sometimes, but I'm not like you. I'm not a vampire."

"Vampires, Consorts- they're kissing cousins, pet. Close as makes no nevermind. The only difference is your pulse, and my lack of one."

"And my soul, and your lack of one," Xander pointed out. "Pretty big difference."

"Not so big," Spike said with a shrug. "It's not keeping us apart right now."

"Right, so what is keeping us apart then?"

"Your willpower," Spike said. "Which, I'm guessing, is less than strong when it comes to me. So if I want to kiss you, all I have to do is take two steps forward, and just... do it." He suited action to word, and somehow, even with all his strength and speed, Xander couldn't find it in him to stop it.

It was amazing. Cool and wet, Spike's tongue slipping into his mouth to twine around his own and invite it to play. And for some reason, his tongue took him up on it, and slipped into Spike's mouth to tickle gently against the roof of his mouth.

Spike pulled back after a moment, sucking gently on his lower lip before releasing it with a loud pop. "Be seeing you around, pet," he whispered, then turned and stalked off, his duster flaring behind him.

Xander leaned against the wall, totally dazed, before remembering that he had left his date inside with Willow. He shook it off, did his best to put it to the back of his mind, and went inside.

* * *

Buffy grabbed him as soon as he came through the doorway. "Xander! Where have you been? Are you okay?"

He nodded, wondering if he looked as confused as he felt. "Yeah, Buff, I'm fine. What's wrong?"

"It's Impata. She's the mummy. I was hoping to get here before she could suck the life out of you or something."

"Well, you succeeded. Where is she, anyway?"

Buffy's eyes widened. "You mean she wasn't with you? Shit! Willow said she ran off a minute ago."

Xander shook his head. "No, she wasn't with me. I was just... checking something out."

"Whatever." Buffy shook that off as unimportant. "But if she wasn't with you, then..."

"Then she's with some other schmuck, sucking the life out of him," Xander finished for her. "We've got to find her."

* * *

Xander sighed and hunched his shoulders. "Buffy, do we have to talk about this?"

"Yes." She gave him her stern-face. "You've been acting weird, and I want to know why."

"I dated a life-sucking mummy?" Xander tried.

"I think this doesn't really have anything to do with Impata," Buffy said gently. "Will you at least give me a hint about what's up with you?"

Xander sighed. "There's this... guy," he started, and was interrupted by her squeal.

"Ohmigod, Xander, why didn't you tell me about this before now? Who is he? What does he look like? Is he yummy?"

"Buffy, do you mind?" he snapped, then sighed again when she pouted at him. "Sorry. It's just... I'm not entirely comfortable with the whole guy thing, you know? And I picked a real doozy to be attracted to, that's for sure."

Buffy made a sympathetic voice. "Not exactly an upstanding citizen, huh?"

He gave a little bark of bitter laughter. "That's a bit of an understatement, there, Buffy. I can't figure out if he means it, or if he's just messing with my head for kicks."

"One of those, huh?" She wrapped her free arm around his waist in a half-hug. "I sensed a 'but' in there, somewhere."

"But I can't stop thinking about him," Xander admitted. "It's insane and possibly suicidal- definitely self-destructive- but I just can't get him out of my head. Does that make me fucked-up?"

"No more than the rest of us," Buffy said with an eye-roll. "Dating the undead here, remember?"

"Yeah, but Angel loves you. He wouldn't ever hurt you."

"And I'm sure this guy won't hurt you either," Buffy told him. She stopped, and grabbed his head, forcing him to turn back towards her. "Xander, you're one of the best people I know," she said. "One of the bravest, and certainly one of the most loyal and the most caring. There's no way that anyone could know you, and still want to hurt you."

He smiled down at her. "Thanks, Buff," he said. "I'm sure you're right, and there's nothing to worry about."

"Damn straight," she told him, and started pulling him along towards the door. "Now come on, we've got classes."

"Right. Class. School." He knew he sounded inane, but he couldn't help it. What was Spike playing at? Because no matter what Buffy said, she didn't know. Spike was just as likely to kill him as fuck him, and Xander wasn't sure what he was doing, letting Spike mess with his head like this.

But he'd been telling Buffy the truth. He couldn't stop thinking about him. The main question now was this:

What was he going to do about it?


	7. All Hallow's Eve

**Chapter Seven: All Hollow's Eve.** What was supposed to be a relaxing night off for all of them turns into a nightmare as they all turn into their costumes- Willow a ghost, Buffy a noblewoman, and Xander a vampire...

* * *

"I can't believe that Snyder is making us do this," Xander muttered. "Costumes? Not my thing. _Really_ not my thing."

"He hates getting dressed up," Willow confided to Buffy.

"I don't blame him," Buffy said. "Which isn't to say that I don't enjoy getting dressed up. Just that I can see why Xander would hate it."

"Thank you for your support," Xander said, shooting a hateful glance towards Willow. "She's after me, every damn year, to try some really cool costume or other."

"And this year I get my wish," Willow said smugly. "Costumes are mandatory. Deal with it, baby."

"Willow, I'm ashamed of you. Taking the opportunity to shamelessly rub your victory in Xander's face."

"So, what, you're ashamed of me because I couldn't get him to do it on my own and rub it in that way?"

"Well, naturally," Buffy said. "You could have done better."

They reached the table in the commons and sat down. Xander immediately grabbed a couple of coins and headed for the drink machine.

"So, no Slayage tomorrow?" Willow asked. "That's... weird."

Buffy shrugged. "Dead for the undead, Giles says. Maybe they just think it's too tacky?"

"I guess. Can't blame them, if that's why."

"Maybe there's some mystical whoosit that keeps them under wraps."

"Ask Giles," Willow said, ending the discussion. Her attention had already turned to Xander, who was standing calmly with a Pepsi in his hand, being glared at by Larry.

"Larry, leave off. She's not interested. In fact, she could probably kick your ass without trying."

"Oh, is that right?" Larry growled back. "You think _you_ could take me, Harris?"

Xander shrugged, which seemed to be answer enough for Larry, who pressed one hand to his chest in preparation to shoving him back. Xander moved almost faster than the eye could follow, setting the can down on top of the machine before grabbing the hand on his chest and twisting it painfully behind Larry's back.

"Go," he said quietly into Larry's ear, and when the much larger boy left, rubbing his shoulder, he calmly retrieved the soda and came over to rejoin the girls at their table.

"So," he said casually. "How'd your date go last night, Buff?"

That shook her out of gaping at him. "Not well," she admitted. "There was this vampire, and so I was late and looked, well, trashed."

"Angel didn't mind?" Willow asked, while Xander popped the top on his soda and took a long swallow.

Buffy grimaced. "He didn't seem to. Of course, Cordelia hanging all over him might have sweetened his mood a little."

"Oh, come on, Buffy, Angel would never fall for her," Willow said immediately. "She's so not his type."

"How do I know? I don't even know what his type _is,_" Buffy lamented.

"Strong, beautiful women with mystical destinies, I'm guessing," Xander said, and when both of them stared at him, he held up his hands. "Look, if you really want to know more about Angel, go raid Giles' Watcher diaries. I'm sure they're full of goodies. Just leave me out of it, okay? When Giles asks me if I know anything, I want to be able to smile and say, 'No idea.'" He looked down at his now-empty can. "I'm gonna go grab lunch. Catch up with you two at the costume shop this afternoon?"

"Sure," Buffy said, then shared a wide-eyed glance with Willow as soon as he left. "Did you see that?" she hissed. "The thing with Larry. He was all... commanding. Not-Xander."

"Maybe that's Xander now?" Willow suggested. Buffy gave her a disbelieving look, and she shook her head. "Okay, so he's still as goofy as ever, most of the time. When he isn't dealing with major angst over that guy he's seeing."

Buffy heaved a huge sigh of relief. "Oh god, I'm so glad he told you about that," she said when Willow gave her an odd look. "It was killing me, not being sure if he'd said anything and so not being able to talk about it. What do you think is up with those two, anyway?"

"I don't know," Willow admitted. "He told me what was up right after he told you, I think, and he hasn't said anything since. Maybe nothing's happened?"

Buffy gave her another get-real look. "The way he's been acting? No way. There's something up, that's for sure. I just don't know what."

"Maybe we can find out?" Willow suggested. "Corner him the day after tomorrow, when all this Halloween nonsense is over with? See if we can get the truth out of him?"

Buffy smirked at her. "The girl with the plan, I like it," she said. "But in the meantime... What say we take up Xander's suggestion and dig up the dirt on Angel?"

* * *

"Hey you two," Xander said, coming up behind Willow and Buffy in the costume shop. "Picked anything yet?"

Willow held up the package containing the "ghost" costume, and he shook his head. "Willow, Willow, why is it that you rag me about neat costumes and yet pick the oldest gag in the box?"

"See?" A triumphant Buffy turned on Willow. "I told you!"

"You told her what?" Xander asked, confused.

"That Halloween is the night to come as you _aren't!_ The night to go all-out."

"I totally agree," Xander said, "which is why I got... this."

He pulled his own packages out of the bag, and held up a makeup kit. "Vampire," he explained. "Figured I'd go for that nice, ironic touch. Set of full black clothes, maybe something a little radical, and I'm set."

Buffy snorted. "I thought this was come-as-you-_aren't_ night, Xander."

He sneered at her. "I resemble that remark," he said, his nose in the air, but stopped when he realized that Buffy was no longer paying attention to him.

Instead, she was wandering off between the racks, and when Xander and Willow followed her, they saw what was catching her attention: a beautiful, full-skirted pink ball gown. "It's so beautiful," she whispered.

"There was this drawing in the Watcher's diary," Willow muttered in aside to Xander.

"Let me guess: beautiful girl?"

"Oh yeah."

"Here, let me," a strange man said, emerging from the back. He unzipped the back of the dress and held it up in front if Buffy with a flourish. "Why, it's you."

Buffy stared at her reflection in the mirror, her mouth open slightly with awe. "I- I can't afford this," she stammered, and the man smiled kindly down at her.

"Nonsense. I feel moved to make you an offer you can't refuse."

"It looks great," Willow said.

"Yeah, go for it, Buff," Xander said. He was slightly distracted by the man's personal scent- it was something he felt like he knew, but couldn't quite place. Odd.

Buffy smiled shyly at the man- shopkeeper, maybe? "You're sure?"

He smiled back at her. "I'm positive."

* * *

The sun had just gone down when Xander started to lead the rugrats he'd been assigned back to the school. The kids were happy, jumping around and crowing about all the candy they'd gotten, and Xander smiled in spite of himself.

Okay, they were _cute_ rugrats.

"Oh, pet, never say that you've got dreams of white-picket fences," Spike's smoky voice said from behind him. Xander whirled and glared at him, unconsciously positioning his body so that he was shielding the kids behind him.

"Trick-or-treating," he said carefully. "It's not voluntary. Spike, what do you want? I thought tonight was the night when you all stayed inside like good vampires."

Spike snorted. "I'm hardly a 'good vampire,' luv," he pointed out. "Besides, I really wanted to get a look at your Halloween costume." He gave Xander a slow, up-and-down look, and Xander could see the heat in his blue eyes. "And I'm really, really glad I did."

Xander shifted uncomfortably. He'd raided the thrift shop for his outfit, and he had to admit, when he'd looked at his reflection earlier, that he looked good. Tight leather pants, heavy black boots, and a _very_ tight black t-shirt that had been cut off just below the chest. He'd unearthed a black dog collar from his basement, bringing back memories of his family's one ill-fated attempt to keep a pet, and had let Buffy mess around with eyeliner. His hair was styled in carefully-mussed waves over his forehead, and combined with the expensive fake fangs he had in his mouth, he knew that he looked damn good. Dangerous, even. Sexy.

Spike apparently agreed, if the look in his eyes was anything to go by. "Vampire, hmmm? Good to know that there's always someone to go for the classics."

"Spike, I have to get the kids back," Xander said, keeping his voice steady with effort.

Spike laughed, throwing his head back. "You're so sweet and respectable," he mocked. "Ah well, I'll just have to find you later. Can't waste the night, eh? Not when you're looking like that, pet."

"Alright, then," Xander said, still carefully. The kids behind him were shifting restlessly, with no idea of what danger they were in. "Later. After all the kids are home safe. It'll be just me and you."

"Just the way I like it, pet," Spike said. "It's a date." He turned to leave.

Xander froze, feeling his heart shudder, and slow, and... stop.

He smiled.

"Spike," he called, and the vampire turned around. He gave him a smile filled with fangs.

Real ones.

"How about we have that date now?"

* * *

Willow was worried. Really, really worried. All around her, everyone was turning into their costumes, and if Xander had dressed as a vampire... Bad. Very bad. Excessive badness.

She had to find Buffy.

Buffy, she discovered two minutes later, was no longer Buffy. Instead, she was some helpless, fainting noblewoman, and why, oh why had she encouraged her friend to dress up in a fancy dress? This was a disaster. All around them, demons were ranging the streets, and here they were, without a Slayer. They were even without a pseudo-vampire-good-guy, since Xander was almost certainly a vampire now, and therefore wasn't likely to be willing to help them.

Angel! That's right, Angel could help them. The only problem was, she wasn't exactly sure where he lived. She had his phone number and everything, but she didn't-

Phone number. She could work with that. Buffy's house was nearby, and she could call Angel to come and look after them. As a nice bonus, it would get them off the streets.

If she could just get Buffy to wake up and move...

* * *

Xander smirked as Spike gave him a wondering look. "Well," Spike said, almost to himself, "Dru had said that tonight was going to be interesting, but I hadn't quite envisioned this." He glanced behind Xander, and saw a bunch of young demons and one screaming princess. "Costumes, is it? I think I like this."

"The man who sold the costumes, Ethan Rayne? He's a Chaos mage. I wasn't sure what I was smelling on him, but I can recognize it now, somehow. Cloves and blood. Chaos magic."

Spike smiled at him and prowled a couple steps closer. "Well, here's to the Chaos bloke, then," he whispered. "He just made my night."

"Got a nice private place we can take this?" Xander said, almost casually. "Pavement is just so last year."

Spike let out a short bark of laughter. "Can't say as I object to moving this party somewhere else," he said. "Long as we make it fast."

"Oh yeah," Xander said, staring at Spike with weeks of pent-up lust in his eyes. "We're gonna make it fast. But once we get started, we're gonna take it really... really... slow..."

Spike's pupils flared. "Hell yes," he said hoarsely. "Just the way I like it.

Xander grabbed his arm and hauled him into a rough kiss. "Let's get out of here," he whispered into Spike's mouth. "Yesterday."

"Oh yeah," Spike said. "I know just the place."

* * *

Willow was getting desperate. Buffy wouldn't wake up, and she couldn't exactly shake her shoulder or slap her or anything, and there was a little band of kid-size demons moving their way. Unless Buffy woke up, _now,_ they were pretty much doomed.

"Willow! Are you okay?"

Her head snapped up. "Angel! Oh god, Angel, it's so good to see you."

Angel whipped his head around to snarl at the pint-size demons, which all made nervous yipping noises and took off. He turned back to Willow, his vampire features fading away, and said, "It's complete chaos out here. What's going on?"

"Everyone turned into their costumes!" Willow said. "It's like some weird nightmare."

Angel gave her an odd look. "And you were going as..."

"A ghost," she said with asperity. When Angel raised on eyebrow, she said, "I had a sheet on, okay? I was a ghost. Now I _am_ a ghost, for real. And Buffy won't wake up."

Angel muttered to himself for a minute, then scooped Buffy up in his arms. "Okay. We're going to her house. You go to Giles, and see if he knows what the hell is going on. Send anyone who's in danger towards her house."

"Got it," Willow said. "And Angel? Xander was dressed as a vampire. What am I supposed to do about him?"

"There's nothing you can do," he said grimly. "We'll just have to hope that he doesn't do any damage while he's out. The most we can do right now is find out how to reverse it, and for that you need to talk to Giles. Go to him, and go fast."

"Okay," she said, and took off, moving much faster without an actual body to tie her down.

* * *

"Abandoned building?" Xander said, as Spike pulled him through the door. "Color me unsurprised."

"Is that the came color as 'amazed,' by any chance?" Spike snarked, and shut the door behind them. He immediately turned and grabbed Xander, almost crushing his biceps with the force of his grip. "I've wanted you since I saw you," he said hoarsely. "Whatever you can say about Angelus, I have to admit that he's got good taste."

Xander narrowed his eyes. "Fuck me," he said. "On the floor, against the wall, I don't care. Been waiting way too long now."

Spike hissed, and lifted him to press him against the crumbling wall. "Feels like I've been waiting forever," he gritted out, wrestling with the fastenings on his own and Xander's pants.

""I _want_ you," Xander growled. "Now, tomorrow, pretty much however I can get you. Though I'd prefer it if you'd be _inside_ me right now."

"Working on it, mate," Spike snapped, and gave a sigh of relief when he managed to push both their pants down. "Slick?"

Xander shook his head, so Spike shrugged and morphed to game face, biting neatly into the inside of his own wrist. He let the blood flow down into his hand, then brought his fingers up to roughly press into Xander's opening.

Xander hissed and threw his head back, panting through his fangs, and said, in a voice almost too low to be heard, "_More._"

Spike grinned, snaking out his tongue to play over the tips of his own fangs, and said, "My pleasure," before pulling Xander over his hips and slamming all the way home.

* * *

"Ethan, I know you're in here," Giles said, quite calmly considering the rage that was boiling just under his skin. "You wouldn't pull this stunt, then not hang around to watch and gloat."

"Hello, Ripper," Ethan said. "It's been a long time." Giles said nothing, just stared at him with anger in his eyes, and Ethan shrugged. "What, no hug for your old mate?"

"I should have known it was you," Giles said.

"Yes, you should have," Ethan said. "You know me better than anyone, Ripper old boy."

"I thought I did," Giles said. "But then, people change."

"Do they really?" Ethan said, arching one eyebrow. "I'm not sure they do. Take you, for example."

"Oh, let's not."

"Oh, let's do. You're the Slayer's Watcher now, aren't you? Tweed and dust, books and tea, and all the while they have no idea what you're capable of. It's almost sweet, except... no, it's really not. It's just sad."

"Sad?" Giles glared at him. "What's sad is a man who's more than old enough to know better, wreaking havoc on the Hellmouth because you want _attention._" Giles spat out the word. "Well, Ethan, you've got my attention now." His fist shot out suddenly, colliding with Ethan's jaw with a sickening crunch. He smiled nastily as Ethan fell, and said, "All the attention you can stand."

* * *

_This_ was what Xander had been dreaming about. Cool skin, very slightly flushed with stolen blood, moving against his, and obscenities hissed in his ear in a low Cockney accent while Spike pounded into him, and it hurt just _so_, just enough to make sparks fly across the blackness of his eyelids. Oh god, just like that, just a little more...

A strangled half-scream erupted from his lips as he came, and Spike moaned against the side of his neck when the clasping of Xander's inner muscles pulled him, too into orgasm. They collapsed into a sticky heap on the floor, panting for breath they didn't need.

"God, pet," Spike said when they could speak again. "If I'd known that you'd give me a ride like that, I wouldn't have waited all these weeks."

Xander lifted his head and smirked at him. "That's sweet," he said. "But won't Drusilla have something to say about it?"

Spike rolled his eyes. "Like that one would even notice, much less _mind_ if I was playing around? 'Sides, why do you care?"

"I don't," Xander said with a shrug. "I was being polite."

"Being a right bastard is more like it," Spike said. "But that's okay. I like a little evil in my man."

"That's so sweet," Xander said, giving a fake simper and fluttering his eyelashes. "I do believe I shall swoon."

Spike snorted. "Better not," he said. "I'm not done with you yet, luv. Nowhere near done."

"Oh really?" Spike thought idly that Xander made a damn good vampire- he even had the evil smirk down, when most new vamps just looked like slightly backwards children with fangs.

"Yeah," Spike said, and leaned down to lightly scrape his teeth over the pulse that Xander didn't have. "Haven't had a chance to taste _this,_ yet."

Xander tilted his head to the side for better access, then moved his head just so; his mouth was near Spike's ear, now, and he whispered, "Just so long as I get to taste you, too," and sunk his fangs into Spike's earlobe.

Spike gave a hiss of pained delight, and bit down.

* * *

"Well," Ethan choked out, "Here's one thing that hasn't changed. You're still a right bastard, Ripper."

"Tell me how to break the spell, Ethan," Giles said.

"Or what?"

Giles landed another hard kick on his ribs. "What do you think?"

"I can't believe I missed this," Ethan said, mostly to himself.

"Because you're a pain addict?" Giles suggested. "Always looking for bigger and badder, aren't you? Well, congratulations. You got me." Another kick.

"Break the goddamn statue," Ethan growled. "I'm done with this."

"Oh no, I'm just getting started," Giles said, but he grabbed the statue, and brought it smashing to the ground.

* * *

Spike knew something was wrong. Xander had given a choked gasp and pulled away, and now the blood flowing across his tongue was hot with life, pulsed out by the now-beating heart on the man under him.

So he wasn't really that surprised when Xander wrenched his head away from his neck and shoved him violently away. He fell gracelessly onto his bare ass, and watched as Xander scrambled to his feet, one hand pressed to his bleeding neck and the other hitching his leather pants up around his hips.

"Gonna just fuck and run, pet?" Spike said, because he had to say something. Xander glared at him, and fastened his pants as fast as he could, not answering him.

"No hug? No kiss? No 'see you later'?"

Xander glared harder. "I'm leaving," he said harshly.

"What, going to go home and start pretending that this didn't happen?"

"Bet your ass," Xander snapped. "Stay the hell away from me from now on, Spike. I see you, I'm gonna dust you- I don't care what it takes."

Spike just watched him as he walked away. "Would you really, pet?" he said softly when Xander was gone. "I don't think so. You're mine, now, and I'm not the only one who knows it. You'll be seeing me around, luv. Don't think you won't."

* * *

"You look like hell," Willow told him bluntly and hour later, when he showed up on her doorstep. Xander gave her a bitter look and went inside, going straight up to her room and ignoring the wide-eyed looks her parents gave him.

She followed him silently into the bathroom, where he started pulling down first-aid supplies. "Everyone's okay, thanks for asking," she said pointedly.

He just shot her a not-remotely-guilty look. "You would have told me first off if they weren't," was all he said, and hissed with pain as he slapped a rag soaked in hydrogen peroxide to the puncture wounds on his neck.

"Of course, you could just wear a hair shirt on your days off," Willow said, giving a wide-eyed glance to the bottle still in his hand. "Xander, that stuff _burns._"

"No, you think?" he snapped, then caught a glimpse of the hurt expression on her face, and finally, finally, lost some of the bitter expression and looked contrite. "Wills, I'm sorry. It was just... a really bad night."

She looked pointedly at his neck. "I see that."

He shook his head. "Worse than that," he said. When she opened her mouth, he held up a hand. "Which I'm not going to tell you about, so don't even ask. Just accept that it's been a bad enough night that a few more near-death experiences would have made it a pleasant vacation."

"Ouch," she winced. He fumbled, trying to get the bandage in place, and she stepped forward, brushing his hands away to do it for him. "But let me ask this: did it have anything to do with this guy you won't talk about?"

His stillness was answer enough, and she shook her head as she neatly taped the edges of the gauze. "I won't say anything, because you've made it clear that you don't want to talk about it. But I'll tell you this: I understand. A run-in with a vampire _and_ a run-in with your somethingorother, on the same night- not exactly a walk in the park. I get that. I also get the not-wanting-to-talk thing, but I want you to know- I'm always here to listen, if that's what you want. Or to sit in meditative silence, if you want that instead."

He was silent for a minute, and she was worried that she'd said something wrong, screwed everything up somehow, but when he turned his head to look at her he finally cracked a smile. "Can I have a hug?" he said, and she wrapped her arms around him as tight as she could.

They stood like that in silence for a few long minutes, but then he peeled her off and tucked her under his arm, turning towards the mirror. "Look at us," he said with a ghost of his usual grin. "The Slut Twins of Sunnydale."

She laughed. "Yeah, we do kinda have that 'slut' vibe going, don't we?"

"Oh yeah."

"You do look really good," she offered. "Well, the bandage kind of ruins it, but I mean... before. You looked great."

"You still look great," he said. "Not a look I'm used to seeing on my Wills, I grant you, but great. Sexy."

She hugged him again, just because she could. "You too," she said. "Definitely, you too."

"Yeah," he said, staring at his image in the mirror, his expression haunted. "Yeah, I got that a lot tonight."

She looked up at him, but he just shook his head. "It's nothing," he said. "Look, I gotta get home, okay?"

She nodded mutely, and he gave her a hug before leaving the bathroom and bounding down the steps. She watched him from her bedroom window, and didn't miss the defeated set of his head, or the defensive slump of his shoulders that he hadn't had since... well, since he'd gotten a dose of Angel's blood and became super-Xander.

She reached for the phone, about to call Buffy, but stopped with her hand just over the receiver, wracked with indecision. Usually she and Buffy told each other everything, but... Well, Buffy had Angel there, and she could always tell Buffy the next day at school.

She knew she wouldn't, though. She was really worried about Xander, but this was something he had to work out on his own, and Buffy wasn't exactly known for thinking before rushing into a situation. She'd try to hunt down this guy on her own, and then she'd beat him up, and things would just be that much worse for Xander.

So she'd wait. And watch. Maybe Xander would work things out with his somethingorother, or maybe he wouldn't. Either way, she'd be there to pick up the pieces when it all fell apart.


	8. Possession

**Chapter Eight: Possessed.** Eyghon is on the prowl, but Xander has bigger problems: namely, a certain bleached blonde vampire who's decided that Xander is his...

* * *

"Hey, what are you two up to?"

Buffy looked up at Xander and sighed. "Just playing a quick game of anywhere but here. So far, we've been to an island beach, and Florence, Italy."

"Ahhh," Xander said. "At the moment, I have to go for, 'home, asleep.'"

Willow gave him a sympathetic look. "It must have been a long night. Usually you go for, 'Amy Yip at the waterslide park.'"

"Well, besides the fact that Amy Yip doesn't exactly ring my bells anymore, yeah, it was a long night."

When he said nothing else, Buffy poked him in the side. "So, tell. Did you patrol or something?"

He hitched one shoulder defensively. "Just couldn't sleep, is all," he said. "It's not big deal. Everyone has nights like that, right?"

Willow patted his arm. "Of course we do," she said, shooting a warning glare at Buffy. "It happens to us all."

Buffy nodded, having caught the hint. "Sure. Just last week I was up for almost three nights straight. I was exhausted all day, but I just couldn't go to sleep. Mom swears by hot milk, though- did you try that?"

Xander gave her a look that said he wasn't fooled, but was grateful, nonetheless, for her playing along. "I'll try that tonight, maybe," he said. "If it happens again."

He spotted Giles heading towards them and waved. "Hey, G-Man! What's the haps?"

Giles blinked at them, looking slightly befuddled, but then, Southern California slang often eluded him. "Er, what?"

"What's going on?" Willow translated. "Anything interesting?"

"Well, delivery night is tonight," he said. It was Buffy's turn to blink, but Xander nodded, since he spent more time actually talking with Angel, rather than making with the kissing, and therefore knew what Giles was talking about.

"The donor blood that gets delivered to the hospital, Buff," Xander explained. "Vamp Meals on Wheels."

"Hopefully not," Giles said severely. "Buffy, I need you to meet me at eight thirty, sharp."

Buffy winced. "I, well, kinda promised my mom I'd stay in with her tonight. Um, Xander could you- No," she interrupted herself. "You need to sleep tonight."

Xander shrugged. "It's no big deal," he said. "I can spare an hour or so to protect the interests of the injured citizens of Sunnydale. Eight thirty, Giles?"

Giles looked like he wanted to protest, but after a moment he nodded. "I'll bring the weaponry."

Xander nodded agreement, then waved a silent goodbye and turned to leave, without any warning. Buffy and Willow both watched him walk away, and waited till he was out of earshot before they turned towards each other and Buffy said, "Is it just me, or is Xander very much not okay?"

Willow nodded. "He's not okay. We're definitely agreed on that."

"He did look somewhat... less than at his best," Giles said hesitantly. "Do either of you have an idea as to what might be wrong?"

"Well, there's this guy," Willow started.

"And apparently he's really messing with Xander's head," Buffy continued.

"Xander's not dealing with it very well."

"With the not sleeping, and everything."

"And he's been patrolling a lot more than he lets on, so he's probably getting even less sleep than he admits to."

"And Angel told me that Xander talks to him on the phone sometimes, and even _he's_ worried about him."

"That's... interesting," Giles managed, trying to take in the flood of information. "Do you know who this person is, that's bothering Xander so much?"

"No." Buffy looked both sulky and militant, somehow. "If I knew who he was, then I'd have tracked him down and kicked his ass already."

Willow nodded with an uncommonly bloodthirsty glint in her eye. "I agree with Buffy," she said. "Xander's a good guy. I've known him forever, and he's never done anything to deserve this. Well, except possibly calling me a boogerhead in first grade."

Giles sighed and took off his glasses to polish them. "We can't get involved in this," he said gently. "Even if we knew who this person was- do you really think that Xander would appreciate your interference?" Both girls were silent. "He needs to work this out on his own."

"I know," Buffy sighed. "Do we have to like it?"

Giles smiled at her. "No, you don't have to like it."

* * *

Xander tapped one finger over the face of his watch. "Half an hour late," he muttered to himself. "Giles, if I weren't so tired I would almost think this was funny."

He heard the thrum of an engine, and watched with interest as the van pulled up and the driver handed off the cooler to the two doctors that were waiting for him. Then the wind changed, blowing their scent to Xander's nose, and his eyes narrowed.

Vampires.

He waited till the van had driven off to make his move, then almost groaned aloud when he saw the car start up in the shadows and pull forward. Three of them? Great. Make my night.

One of them opened the cooler and pulled out one of the packets. Xander closed his eyes, almost tempted to just forget it and let evil have their way for one night, but... No. He was the good guy, the white hat, stalwart and true. He fought evil. He prevented evil from stealing blood when they were too damn lazy to hunt it down themselves.

He sighed, once, to make himself feel better, and charged.

He laid out two of them with the first few blows, but the third came up behind him and knocked him flat on his ass. He managed to kick free of its grip and pull a stake free, but when he was about to bring it down he stopped himself, realizing that their little group had one more member.

"Xander?" Angel said, and Xander gave a little sarcastic wave before launching himself at the vampire that was just now regaining his feet, right behind Angel's back.

Between the two of them they managed to dust both of the fake doctors, but other one drove off, thankfully without the blood in the back seat of his car. Xander shuddered to think what Buffy would have had to say about him losing the blood he'd been sent to protect.

"They only ruined one package," Angel said from the cooler, where he was kneeling and checking the contents. "The rest are good to go."

Xander smiled tiredly at him. "Good to hear it."

Angel nudged the lid back down and stood up, studying his face critically. "You don't look so good," Angel said finally. "Even more than the last time I saw you. Buffy said you weren't sleeping?"

Xander shrugged. "Yeah," he said. "I'm sure I'll get over it. I'd take sedatives, but, well, not really likely to work on me."

"Drugs aren't as potent with vampires," Angel said apologetically. "If you're that tired, why are you here?"

"Buffy had a thing with her mom," Xander explained. "She couldn't away to take care of this, so I was volunteered. Giles was supposed to meet me, but..." He lifted one hand in a what-can-you-say gesture.

"Why don't you go home?" Angel suggested. "I can make sure that this gets safely into the hospital."

Xander sighed as he considered the offer. "Can you call Buffy when you get home?" he said. "Giles wasn't here, and it's not really like him to be late, so Buffy should probably swing by his place and make sure everything's okay. I'd do it, but..."

"But that would defeat the point of going home and getting some sleep," Angel pointed out. "Go. I can handle things for one night."

Xander shot him a grateful, if somewhat worn, smile. "Thanks, man," he said. "I owe you one."

Angel watched Xander walk away. "You don't owe me anything," Angel said, mostly to himself since Xander was out of earshot, even with vampire senses. "Except maybe to tell the name of the one who's doing this to you so I can kill him slowly."

* * *

Xander waited till he was out of Angel's sight to let go of the energetic walk and just trudge, like he wanted to. His feet felt heavy, and he wasn't sure that he could really defend himself if some nasty did decide to attack him. Then again, as bad as he felt at the moment, he would almost welcome some sort of Hellmouthy death.

As if God had been waiting for that thought, there was a scuffling noise from off to his right. Xander glanced over, but didn't see anything. He stopped, tried to decide whether if was worth investigating, and came to the conclusion that he might as well look, because if he didn't, then whatever it was, it was sure to come and get him later. It was some unwritten Hellmouth law.

He left the sidewalk and made his way into the stand of trees where the sound had come from. Instead of a demon waiting to pounce, he found a very large and very dead demon, with its head ripped almost completely off and a burnt-out cigarette lying on its eye.

Xander stared at it for a long moment, then turned and walked away as fast as he could.

He got home a few minutes longer, and made his way up to his room as quickly as he could, hoping to avoid a confrontation with his parents. Luckily, his dad was out terrorizing sheep or something, and his mom was too hammered to even notice him coming in, so he had a fairly easy escape.

He flicked off the light before taking off his clothes, and then located the oldest and most comfortable pair of sweats he could find by moonlight and pulled them on. He went to the window and looked out, staring at but not quite meeting the eyes of the man who stood on the sidewalk, leaning against the lamppost and smoking.

Xander pulled the curtain closed, like he had for the last week, and crawled into bed with a whimper of relief, like he had for the last week.

And then, feeling Spike's presence outside, he lay awake for hours, just like he had for the last week.

* * *

The ringing phone woke him from what felt like about half an hour of sleep, though he knew it was more like four hours. He'd finally dropped off right around sunrise, not coincidentally when Spike had finally left.

He almost knocked the phone off the hook when he groped for it, but he finally managed to grab it and bring it to his ear. "Hello?" he croaked.

"Xander, it's Cordelia."

He pulled the phone away from his ear for a second and stared at it in sheer astonishment, then put it back and said, "Not to be rude, but why are you calling? How do you even know this number?"

"Buffy told me, and she's the one who told me to call you. There's some major trouble with Giles and a walking dead guy that dissolved, and she wants you to get down here to research or something."

Xander shook his head, and tried to think. "Um, library?"

"Where else?"

Xander scowled. "I'll be there as soon as I can."

He slammed the phone down, but when he tried to stand up, he wobbled. Well, as soon as he could might be a little longer than he'd thought, if he was really that weak.

He contemplated just falling back on the bed, like every atom of his body was screaming for him to do, but concern for Giles motivated him into movement. Very slowly movement, admittedly, but movement nonetheless.

It occurred to him that he wouldn't be able to continue like this for much longer, but he brushed the thought aside. He'd manage. He always did, one way or another. There was no reason why this time should be any different.

No reason at all.

* * *

Buffy had been alarmed for a solid hour before Xander had showed up. She had plenty to be alarmed over, with Giles and the Mark of Eyghon, whatever it was, and she really didn't need any more.

But when Xander walked in the door, moving slowly even for a fully normal human without vampire powers, she felt the worry increase. He looked, quite simply, like hell. His eyes were bloodshot and had dark circles under them, his normally golden skin was ashen, and he was dressed in sweatpants that she'd bet he'd slept in and a t-shirt that was inside out.

"Xander, what the hell happened to you?"

He looked up blearily at her strident question. "Nothing," he said. "Couldn't sleep again last night, is all. I'm fine."

"You're definitely not fine," she said, and Willow was by her side by this point, the commotion having pulled her away from the computer. "You look like hell, and you know it."

He gave them a disgruntled look and brushed past them without answering, settling down at the table and picking up a book. Buffy and Willow followed him and stood over him till he looked up with a glare.

"Look, I know I look bad. Maybe I'm sick or something. If so, you two can play Florence freaking Nightingale _after_ we've dealt with the latest crisis, okay? I think I can last that long."

"You better," Willow said, and gave an extra-hard glare to emphasize her point before going back to the computer. Buffy gave him another hard look, and he held up a hand defensively.

"Look, I'll be okay. I'm hardier than I look. Just tell me what I'm trying to find in these dusty books, and I'll be good."

"The Mark of Eyghon," Buffy said after a long silence. "But if you start looking worse, I'm gonna call Angel and get him to take you home, you hear me?"

"Yes, mom," he said meekly, and that seemed to satisfy her, because she finally went away and left him with his book and his headache.

* * *

Willow was, as usual, the brilliant one. He'd know this since first grade, of course, but it was always reassuring to see it put into action, especially when it saved their asses.

She was off, with Cordelia in tow, to meet Buffy at Ethan's Costume Shoppe, and Angel was supposed to meet them there. Xander had wanted to go with them, but Willow had put her foot down, very firmly, and told him to either stay there or go home. He'd chosen option number two, and was now walking- well, staggering- in the general direction of home, hoping against hope that Willow's brilliant plan would actually _work,_ and that someone would remember to call him and tell him so, afterwards.

He reached the place where he would turn off to head towards his house, and stopped. He could make the turn, and actually go home like he said he would, or he could keep going straight, towards the abandoned factory where Spike had nested with Dru.

After a long moment's consideration, he went straight.

* * *

Spike heard him coming long before he got to the door, of course, and the vampire was waiting just inside the threshold, confined there by the last long fingers of the setting sun.

"Pet, what the hell happened to you?" Spike demanded, and Xander felt an inexplicable urge to laugh at the unconscious echo of Buffy's words.

"Oh, nothing. Just a week without food and sleep. Think you might know anything about that, Spike?"

Spike stared at him. "I wasn't stopping you from eating and sleeping," he said deliberately. "I didn't stand there and force you to go without."

"No, you just followed me around and kept me up at night just by being there, and I couldn't stop thinking about it and I could never force myself to eat anything because I knew that come sunset you'd be there, lurking, and I just... I give up, alright? I surrender. Take what you want, do whatever the hell you want to do, just let me have some peace. Is that too much to ask?"

Spike darted forward and pulled him inside before he could be burnt by the fading sun. He tucked Xander into an embrace, which should have felt wrong since Spike was shorter than him, but it didn't because Spike felt strong, and it felt right, somehow. And it was wrong, because it felt so right.

"No, it's not too much to ask," Spike said into his ear, and all the snark and swagger and violence that colored all of their previous encounters was gone, leaving a sort of tenderness in its place. "Come inside, yeah? I'll get you fixed up some. If I'd known I was causing you this much trouble, I would have..." He paused to consider, then said, "Well, I probably would have done exactly the same thing, but I would have made my move sooner. Was waiting for the right moment, I was. Should have forgotten all the stalking bollocks and just grabbed you."

He was leading Xander deeper into the factory as he spoke, and he settled him in one of the chairs surrounding the long, scarred table in the middle of the empty space. "Lucius," he said, without looking away from Xander, "Run out and get some food for the boy. He's a mite peckish."

A slightly overweight vampire nodded and left the factory at a run. Spike smoothed Xander's hair away from his forehead, and he looked quite serious as he said, "I'm gonna take care of you, pet. Just for tonight. Let me take care of you?"

"Okay," Xander whispered, long beyond saying no to this vampire who'd gotten so far under his skin he felt like he couldn't really breathe anymore. Spike smiled and sat in the chair next to his, turning it and scooting closer till his knees were brushing against Xander's own, a contact that somehow felt more intimate than anything they'd done together on Halloween.

Spike reached out to gently tug at Xander's collar, pulling it away to reveal the scars from Spike's bite. "You heal fast," Spike remarked. "I expected that. I didn't expect to leave a scar, though."

Xander nodded to the scar cutting through Spike's eyebrow. "You got that after being turned, didn't you?"

"Yeah, but it was from a blessed sword. My first Slayer. You probably only scarred because you're still alive."

"Yeah," Xander said. "Lucky me."

Spike reached out and laid his hand over the scars. Xander leaned unconsciously into the touch, closing his eyes at the feel of cool, calloused skin against his own.

"Right now, luv," Spike said, very seriously, "I'm thinking that I'm the lucky one."

* * *

"Hey Buffy," Willow called, and caught up to her friend. "Have you talked to Xander?"

Buffy shook her head. "He wasn't answering his phone. Do you think something happened to him?"

"I let him go off on his own!" Willow wailed. "What if he got eaten or something?"

"Okay, let's focus," Buffy said. "Do we have any idea where he is?"

Willow shook his head. "Not at home, not in class. I checked the library, but it was a no-go. He could be anywhere!"

Buffy wondered if she looked as worried as she felt, and figured that she probably did. "Well, wherever he is, I hope he wakes up soon, and calls us. I'm starting to get worried."

* * *

Several miles away, in the abandoned factory on the edge of town, Xander slept on, wrapped tightly in Spike's arms. 


	9. Slayer Redux

**Chapter Nine: Slayer Redux.** A second Slayer has come to town, but Xander's busy trying to find his missing Sire and keep his friends from finding out about his relationship with Spike.

* * *

"I can't believe we have to do this," Xander muttered, glaring down at the paper in front of him. "I don't want to know what I'm going to be when I grow up. Does anyone care about that?"

"Not really," Buffy said. "You have to have a goal to aim for, or else you might get into something stupid, like drugs and alcohol and wild parties."

Xander rolled his eyes. "None of which are in my future any time soon, I promise. Well, unless you consider patrolling a 'wild party.'"

"Not quite," Buffy said dryly. "Though I think patrolling tends to be a bit more dangerous than wild partying."

"Besides, drugs don't really work on me," Xander said. "I wonder if that means that I have a higher tolerance for alcohol?"

"See, that's just the kind of thinking that having a goal in life is supposed to eliminate," Buffy scolded. She looked up when Willow came over to join them. "Hey, Wills."

"Hey you two," Willow said. "What are you two talking about?"

"Not wanting to do this, essentially," Xander said. "There's a hundred things I'd rather be doing."

"And Xander's tolerance for drugs and potentially for alcohol," Buffy added. "It was something of a far-ranging discussion.

"A hundred things, huh?" Willow asked Xander. "Like what?"

He shrugged, casually. "Sleeping. Eating. You know, the basics."

Willow gave him a Look. The "mommy" look. "So we're sure that we're over the insomniac and starving yourself phase?"

"It wasn't intentional," he defended himself. "I had a lot on my mind."

"And you don't now?" Willow said sternly. He gave her a wide-eyed look of innocence.

"Why Willow, would I keep something like that from you?"

"Yes," Buffy said. She'd been watching the exchange with fascination. "You definitely would."

He scowled at her. "I'm fine, okay? All better now."

"And this mystery guy, he's not causing any more trouble?" Willow said. She watched him carefully for his reaction.

"No more trouble," Xander said easily. "Really, Wills, I'm fine. If something happens, you'll be the first to know, I promise."

* * *

Getting ready for bed that night, Xander thought back to the conversation with worry. Willow knew something was up. She knew him better than anyone, and she knew that something was up, and she was trying to find out what it was without actually letting him know that she knew something was up.

Buffy was easier. She'd accepted his explanation for his absence that night several weeks ago easily enough. But Willow had known him since he was a little kid, and she knew that he hadn't just slept through the ringing phone, as he'd claimed. She knew that a ringing phone would wake him when a nuclear blast wouldn't. She hadn't said anything, though, probably because she was trying to find out what was going on without actually asking him point-blank and getting some other lie.

He'd just have to be careful, he reasoned to himself as he stripped off his shirt. There wasn't any reason that she had to actually find out what was really going on. If he was careful, then they wouldn't get caught.

Right on time, he heard the gentle rap on his window and went over to it. Spike stood there, balancing easily on the slanted roof, and grinned at him when he opened the window.

"Gonna let me in?" he asked, just like he asked every night when he showed up here. Which wasn't as often as it might have been, since for the most part Xander went to the factory, where there was less chance that he'd actually get caught. When Xander went to his place, though, he didn't bother with asking to come in, because he knew damn well that he didn't need to.

"You know I am," he said, just like he'd said every night that Spike had come here. Spike just grinned wider and swung a leg over the sill, knowing that Xander would answer in the affirmative, because he and Xander both knew that Xander didn't have a hell of a lot of resistance when it came to Spike.

He _would_ be careful, though, Xander thought as he pulled Spike the rest of the way inside. He might not have a lot of willpower when it came to Spike, but that didn't mean that he was suicidal. He had no desire to have Willow or, God forbid, Buffy find out about the two of them, and he'd go to any lengths to make sure that it stayed their secret.

He banished the thought by pulling Spike flush up against his body and kissing him, hard and commanding and possessive. Spike kissed back enthusiastically before pulling back and grinning at him.

"Glad to see me, pet?"

Instead of answering, Xander just kissed him again.

* * *

Spike knew he had a silly grin on his face. It was at odds with the rest of his look, he knew, but he couldn't quite keep it off his face.

He was actually _humming_ when he made his way into the factory, just before sunrise. He didn't see Dru in the main room, so he made his way back into the bedroom.

Dru was sitting on the bed, cards spread out in front of her. "What do you see, pet?" he said, leaning against the doorframe. She looked up at him and smiled sweetly.

"The Slayer," she said. "She's going to be having lots of fun and games soon, Spike. We're going to make it ever so fun for her."

He smirked and made his way over to the bed, shedding his duster as he went. "Drusilla, my sweet- what are you planning?"

"The Order of Taracas," she said.

Spike stopped, struck dumb by the simplicity and sheer brilliance of the idea. The Order of Taracas. If nothing else could take out the Slayer, those lot could.

"It's brilliant, ducks," Spike said, a grin spreading over his face. "If nothing else, it'll keep the Slayer off our backs while we complete your ritual."

Drusilla smiled back at him and held out her hand. "Will you dance with me now, Spike?"

"I'll dance with you, love," he said, and scooped her up, heedless of the cards that went flying. "I'll dance with you on the Slayer's grave."

* * *

When Xander got up to his room the next night at three in the morning, he found Spike sitting on his bed, waiting for him.

"You were out late," Spike defended himself, when Xander gave him an incredulous look. "I got bored."

Xander sighed and dumped his stuff in the corner. "Research. Someone was stealing something from a crypt belonging to some guy named Du Lac- don't suppose you'd know anything about that, would you?"

The innocent look that Spike gave him would have fooled anyone who wasn't... well, actually, anyone who wasn't completely lacking in a brain. Spike didn't pull off innocent really well. "Du Lac? Never heard of him."

Xander shook his head. "Nevermind. I don't want to know. We'll find out soon enough anyway. You make trouble, Buffy kicks your ass, I make you feel better afterwards. I'd just as soon it happen later rather than sooner, thanks all the same."

Spike pouted at him, and Xander marveled at how well the vampire managed to pull it off. "Oi! You mean that you won't protect me from the Slayer's wrath? Don't you love me anymore?"

Xander sighed. "Can we leave the hard questions for some other time and just have sex?"

Spike paused, seemed to consider, then stood up to pull of his shirt. "Sure."

Xander stifled a relieved sigh. He didn't want to the "L" word brought up, even casually. He wasn't ready to deal with it. He might never be ready to deal with it, but he definitely wasn't ready now.

Sex was easy. Even lying to his friends to cover up the having of the sex was easy. Emotions were a whole 'nother matter. Like when Spike had taken care of him, that night weeks before when he'd shown up at the factory. Like when he'd sneaked into his room tonight, and the look on Spike's face was all quickly-hidden relief, like Spike had been _worried_ about him.

Like the way that Xander kept thinking about him when he wasn't there. Which, hey, nothing new. But this time it was less tormented lust, and more remembering the uncanny imitations of Angel that Spike could do, and the way that Spike held him when he fell asleep.

And the way that he was always gone when Xander woke up, and how Xander, secretly, in his heart of hearts, wished that just once, he wouldn't.

But that was the hard stuff. The emotions stuff. For now there was sex, and sex was always a more-than-adequate distraction.

Spike tossed his shirt aside and grinned at him. "C'mere, then," Spike purred, and Xander went to him, and let himself be distracted.

* * *

"I can't believe you dragged me out of bed, just so I can give you a ride," Cordelia muttered. "What the hell am I, mass transportation?"

"That's what a lot of the guys say, but it's just locker-room talk. I wouldn't take it seriously."

"Great, thanks. I'm here for my car and as a punching bag. Anything else you need me for?"

"Scenery?" he suggested, testing the door handle. It was locked, of course. She didn't even dignify that with an answer, so he shrugged and went to the side window, the one that with the broken latch.

"Buffy could be in trouble," he said, when he came around to open the door for her.

"And what are you going to do about it if she is in trouble? Stand around and crack jokes? You're the loser sidekick, and she's the girl with the super powers."

He stopped dead and turned around, staring at her incredulously. "You're kidding, right?"

"What?"

"You mean you don't _know_?"

She stared at him. "Xander Harris, what the hell are you talking about?"

"Vampire blood? Super-Xander now? You mean to tell me that no one told you?"

She blinked. "You're a vampire?"

"No," he said, very patiently. "I'm still human, just stronger."

"When did this happen?"

"This summer," he explained. "It's a long story, but to make it short, I'm stronger and faster. I can handle trouble if trouble comes a' calling. Okay? Can we look for Buffy now?"

"Fine," she muttered, but she was wasting her breath, since he was already pounding up the stairs.

"Jerk," she said under her breath, and wandered around the living room, trying to entertain herself while Xander-the-creep tried to save the day.

The knock on the front door interrupted her self-pity session, and she cheerfully went to answer it. A very average-looking man stood there, holding a large brown case.

"Hello, my name is Norman Fister and I'm a representative of Blush Beauty skin care. Could I interest you in some free samples?"

"Free?" she said, and smiled her best Queen C smile before letting him in.

* * *

"Spike?" Drusilla said, and she was giving him the huge dark eyes, and God, whatever she wanted, he'd give it to her.

"Spike, can I have him?"

Spike pulled back, and glanced over at Angel, lying on the floor, panting behind his gag. "You want to play, is that it, Dru?"

She smiled. "You get to play with your little puppy, and I want an afternoon to play with the angel. Is that so much to ask?"

Spike personally thought that his playing with Xander had very little to do with the playing Dru wanted to do with Angel, but, well, he'd never been able to resist Drusilla in a playful mood.

"Alright, luv. Just don't kill him till the full moon, will you?"

Her smile was wicked, and she said, "Bring him to me."

* * *

Xander leaned back on the stool he'd taken for his, crossed his arms over his chest, and smirked as he watched Cordelia pace back and forth.

"You know, this is more entertaining than I would have thought."

"You're just sitting there! Why aren't you thinking up a plan?"

"I have a plan," Xander said calmly. "I was just having fun watching you work yourself into a tizzy."

She whirled on him and glared. "What's your brilliant plan, then, oh brilliant one?"

He pointed to the window. "Break it. I help you climb out, and you keep an eye out for bug-guy while I follow you. Then we drive away."

She blinked at him. "That's... actually a good plan."

"I'm inspired by your confidence in me," he said dryly. "Can we go now?"

"Definitely."

* * *

"The Career Fair looked a little... messy," Xander said, as he came into the library. "What the hell happened?"

"Order of Taracas," Giles said shortly. Buffy looked at him from the counter, where Willow was taping her knee, and nodded agreement.

"You want to talk Order of Taracas? We had a visit from the kind _freak_ of the Order of- Hello."

The young African girl glanced up at him, then back at her feet. "Oh yes," Giles said. "That's Kendra. Long story short, she's also a Slayer. Say hello."

Xander arched an eyebrow at Buffy. "I knew this 'I'm the only one, I'm the only one,' this was just an attention-getter."

She gave him an I'm-not-amused look. "Just say hello, Xander," she said, and jumped off the counter to go confer with Giles.

Xander turned to Kendra. "So, a Slayer, huh? How's that working out for you?"

She ducked her head down further and actually _shuffled_ her feet. "I, uh, well, I'm.. ha-appy to be of service. Sir."

He stared at her for a long moment, then nodded, as if any of that had made any sense at all. "Good to be a giver," he said, giving her a thumbs-up, and wandered over to see what Giles was up to.

"Xander, I'm glad you're here. You said you had an encounter with the Order of Taracas?"

Xander nodded. "He looked normal. Really normal. Almost weirdly normal, actually. Except for the part where it turned out he's made up entirely of worms."

Buffy blinked. "Okay, that's incredibly gross."

Cordelia made a face. "You're telling _me._"

"Well, I've got worse news," Giles said, slowly. "We found out what the book was for- it details a ritual to restore a sick vampire to health."

"Drusilla, of course," Xander said, since he'd heard Spike ranting often enough about Dru's condition. When they bothered to have a conversation, that is.

"Well, yes. It says here that the spell drains the life of the Sire to revive the vampire and- What is it, Xander?"

"It's Angel," Xander said grimly. "He told me, when Spike first showed up. He turned Drusilla, and Drusilla turned Spike."

Buffy took a sharp breath of shock. "This ritual," she said to Giles. "It'll kill him?"

Giles nodded. "I'm afraid so, yes."

"Then we stop it. We need to find where it's taking place, and we need to find it fast. Willow?"

"I'll check the 'net," Willow said.

"Xander, can you track Angel?"

"I think so. If you can give me a starting place."

Buffy glared at Kendra. "Try the cage in the back of Willie's. That's the last known place."

He nodded. "Shouldn't be too hard."

Kendra looked askance at Xander. "How can _you_ track him?" she demanded, her suspicions overwhelming her trouble with talking to boys.

"I got an upgrade that gives me strength and improved senses," Xander said, carefully leaving out the fact that it was vampire blood that had given him the upgrade. Kendra looked like someone who would stake first and ask questions later. "Also, I'm fairly familiar with Angel's scent."

Willow coughed. Xander glared at her.

"Look," an irate Buffy said to Kendra. "I know you're here to stop Spike and Drusilla. I want to save Angel. For now, our priorities mesh. Are you with me, or are you going to get the hell out of my way?"

Kendra was silent for a minute, but finally said, "I'm with you."

"Good." Buffy stalked around the table, and stood next to Giles with a resolute expression on her face that made the hairs on the back of Xander's neck stand up. "I've had it up to here with Spike. He can try to kill me, even send assassins after me, but nobody- _nobody-_ messes with my boyfriend. He's going down."

Xander shifted uncomfortably in his seat, trying to tamp down worry for Spike. The vampire would manage fine on his own, and if he didn't, well, it wasn't that big a deal to Xander.

Of course not.

* * *

Xander stalked into the demon bar, riding the crest of a piss-poor mood. He'd spent the entire walk over here trying not imagine Spike being dusted, and failing. It was enough to put _anyone_ into a bad mood, in his opinion. Thankfully, Willie must have some latent intelligence after all, because he took one look at Xander's scowling face and hastily went back to polishing his glasses, very, very hard.

Xander caught Angel's scent easily enough, but noticed that it didn't lead out of the bar at all. Instead, it went straight down into the sewers, which, okay, jibed with what Willie had told Buffy. No need to pummel anyone yet.

He opened the hatch and jumped down into the sewer. It was only a few steps down before Angel's scent was joined by an equally familiar one: Spike's.

He pulled out the cell phone Buffy had made him carry, and dialed the library.

* * *

Buffy stormed into Willie's ten minutes later, Kendra right behind her. It was the work of seconds to grab Willie and slam him into the bar.

"We had a fun little phone call from a friend of mine," Buffy gritted out. "Apparently, Angel did indeed make his way down into the sewers. But then he was joined by a pal of yours- Spike. Ring any bells?"

"Er-" Willie said. "It might. Why should I tell you?"

"Buffy, just hit him!" Kendra said loudly, behind her. Buffy gave Willie a very sweet smile.

"She likes to hit. You tell me, I don't let her. Are you seeing my point, yet?"

"Okay, okay. I know something. But I can't tell you where it is- I have to show you."

"Oh really? That's nice. Address, now."

"I really can't-" he started, then paused when he saw Kendra take a threatening step forward, and rattled off the address.

"Thank you so very much," Buffy said sweetly. "We'll be in touch."  
She started out of the bar, and Kendra followed hotly after, demanding, "Where are you going? We have to return to your Watcher for orders!"

"First, I don't take orders. Second-" She held up a cell phone. "I talk. You drive."

* * *

Xander was slogging through ankle-deep muck when he heard his cell phone ringing tinnily in his pocket, and he cursed as he dug it out.

"Yeah?"

"Xander, we've got an address. 625 Elm. They're probably there already. Meet me there. I've got a plan."

"So what's this plan?" he said, already turning to head for the nearest manhole.

"You'll like this. See, I go in, and-"

* * *

It worked beautifully, Xander had to admit. Buffy went in and let herself be helplessly taken by the big bad bounty hunters and vampires. Just before Spike could kill her, Kendra came charging in, and the African slayer started fighting the gun-happy policewoman while Buffy started kicking the crap out of Spike. Willow and Cordelia used glue and their own four feet to smoosh bug guy, while he and Giles made quick work of the two vampires.

Giles ran off to make sure that Cordelia and Willow were alright, and Xander took advantage of everyone's distraction to pull the mystical knife thingy out of Dru's and Angel's clasped hands. Spike heard the noise and turned.

He gave a howl of anger and punched Buffy, knocking her out of the way temporarily while he ran to grab Dru. Buffy jumped up and went for Angel, then twisted her head indecisively when she saw that Spike was escaping with Dru in his arms.

"You take care of Angel," Xander said. "I'll go after them."

She looked worried, but nodded and turned back to Angel, taking him out of the straps that bound him up. Xander took off, running as fast as he could in the direction Spike and Dru had gone.

He caught up to them right outside of the church, and Spike turned on him with a snarl before seeing who it was.

"Hit me," Xander said.

"What the hell? Hit you?"

"So I can tell Buffy you got away," Xander growled. "Do it. She'll be coming this way any second."

Spike looked torn for a second, then shrugged, freed one arm, and clocked him so hard that he saw stars.

Xander lay there and listened to footsteps retreating, and was just considering attempting to stand up when he heard another set of footsteps approaching, from inside the church.

"Xander! Are you alright?"

"They got away," he said, unnecessarily. "I'll be okay as soon as I get an ice pack for my jaw."

Angel looked at him oddly, but Buffy just shrugged and held out the hand that wasn't supporting Angel to help him up. He took it and dragged himself to his feet, rubbing his soon-to-be-very-sore jaw.

"It's over," he said.

But he knew damn well that it wasn't.


	10. The End of the World

**Chapter Ten: The End of the World.** Angel's soulless, and Spike makes a mysterious decision to join forces with Xander and the rest of the Scoobies to make sure that the Judge doesn't wipe out humanity.

Someone pointed out to me that Xander could smell Spike and Angel together, but Angel couldn't smell Spike on Xander. Which I admit is a mistake, but in my defense I'll say that Joss was never particularly consistent about vampire's senses. They could smell and hear better when it was convenient for them to, and when it was necessary for them to not know something, they magically couldn't sense anything.

* * *

"-And it turns out that Ted was a psychopath, but he was a serial-killing _robot_ that was made by the original Ted, who was such a sickly loser that his wife left him, and so the robot Ted kept marrying her and killing her, over and over again."

"Even for me that sounds incredibly depressing," Spike said. "And pathetic."

"Not getting any argument from me. Willow's in awe over the robot, though. Says that Ted- the original Ted- must have been a genius. Can't say as I argue- I didn't even smell a whiff of metal on the guy, and I was around him for hours. Is there a way to simulate scent?"

"If someone has enough time to create and program a 'bot like that, I'm sure he could figure out a way," Spike pointed out. "If he's as genius as Red says."

Xander laughed suddenly. "I called Willow that recently."

"What, Red?"

"Yeah, she gave me the weirdest look."

"Just imagine what she'd look like if she knew where you got the name from, then," Spike said with a laugh. "Bug-eyes? Steam from her ears?"

"You watch too much tv," Xander said. "Definitely too many cartoons."

"Hey!" Spike said. "'S'not my fault that I watch the bloody things, is it?"

"Whose fault is it, then?" Xander challenged.

"Dru's, of course."

Xander paused to consider that. "Okay, that I'll give you. Cartoons are probably right up her alley."

"Too right they are. She stays up Sunday mornings, when any sensible vamp would be asleep. She's addicted to the bloody things."

"They probably even make sense to her."

Spike got an arrested look on his face suddenly, and glanced over at Xander. "We're having a conversation."

Xander looked confused. "Yeah?"

Spike looked pointedly around the cemetery- they were leaning against the wall of a crypt. "We're together, in a public place, and we're having a conversation."

Xander shrugged. "It's not the first time." He paused. "Is it?"

Spike nodded solemnly. "That it is, pet. Usually you're paranoid that the Slayer's gonna show and kick my shiny white bum."

Xander snorted. "Like she needs more reasons for that?" More seriously, he added, "She's with her mom. We're fine."

"Oh, well, in that case," Spike said, and hauled Xander over to kiss the hell out of him. Xander made a pleased noise at the back of his throat and kissed him back, gripping a double handful of Spike's t-shirt in his fists.

Spike pulled back, his eyes pleasurably unfocused. "My place or yours?"

"Yours. It's closer."

* * *

Angel was just relaxing into his chair with a good book when he heard the knock on his door. 

Sighing, he marked his place and got up to answer it, wondering who the hell was coming to his apartment at- he checked the clock on the wall- three thirty-two in the morning.

It was Buffy, he discovered when he opened the door. She was looking a little frazzled, and considering the most recent turn of events with her mother and Ted, he didn't really blame her.

"Buffy," he said. "What is it?"

She shrugged. "Couldn't sleep, is all. Thought about patrolling, but, well, Xander's covering it. You mind?"

"That you came here? Of course not." He stepped back and gestured towards his chair with the book propped on the arm. "I wasn't doing much of anything anyway."

She smiled at him, and settled down on the couch. He took one look at the very short couch, and opted to sit in his chair.

She sighed and slumped in her seat, sliding downwards till she could roll her head back and rest it on the back of the couch. She closed her eyes and let out a long sigh. "Long day, you know? What with Willow going on and on about Ted the genius because he built Ted the robot, and mom still freaked out."

"Can you blame her?" Angel asked gently.

She opened one eye. "Are you kidding? Of course I don't blame her. I know that he's melted down into bits- well, the bits that Willow didn't keep, anyway- and I'm still freaked. She thinks he's out roaming loose. I'd have to be on medication, in her place."

Angel half-shrugged, lifting one shoulder and giving her a little smile. "Lucky you aren't in her place, then."

She smiled back at him. "Yeah. Besides, my boyfriend's way less psycho. I have nothing to fear."

He stared at her for a moment, caught by the word _boyfriend._ Of course, he'd known that they were together, but she'd never said it, not where he could hear, anyway.

"Angel? What is it?"

"Just- boyfriend. You hadn't said it, before."

She paused, then pulled herself up from the couch and crossed the room to him. Seconds later she was curled up in his lap, looking up into his eyes.

"I love you. You know that. I'm sorry I never said it before, but I do. I love you. And you are very definitely my boyfriend."

He let his head fall forward, so that his forehead was pressed gently against hers. "I love you, Buffy," he whispered, and she smiled her brightest smile and kissed him.

* * *

"Ohmigod, you said it! Oh wow, oh wow! You mean- you said the words? Out loud and everything? And he said them back?" 

"Breathe, Wills," Buffy said, laughing a little. "Yeah, I said the words, and he said the words. I love him, he loves me."

"You sound so blasé about it," Willow said. "Aren't you a little stoked?"

"Well, I already knew and everything, and... and oh god yes, I'm stoked! It's the most amazing feeling in the world. I love him! And he loves me! There's not enough adjectives in the English language to describe how good I feel right now."

Willow grinned at her, and leaned over to give her a big hug. "I'm so happy for you!"

"But what about you?" Buffy said. "Is there anyone in the Willow love-horizon?"

"I think you mixed your metaphors there, but, well, kinda."

"Ooo, who is he? Do tell."

"Well, you remember Oz?"

"The cute guitar player who saved your life?"

"Yeah. Well, I think I'm interested, and I think he's interested, but I'm not really sure."

"Well, we'll get to him in a minute, but let's start with you. You think about him a lot?"

Willow bit her lower lip, blushed, and nodded. "Yeah. He has nice hands."

Buffy grinned at her. "Attention to insignificant detail- that's a big ole check in the 'Willow is interested' column."

"But what about him?" Willow said anxiously. "How do I know if he's interested? You know, as more than just friends, and everything."

"Well, that's a no-brainer. Ask him."

Willow gaped at her. "You're joking, right? Please tell me you're joking."

"No, I'm not." Buffy put on her stern face. "Wills, just go up and ask him out. If he says yes, then he wants to be with you. It's not that complicated."

"Yes it is! It means that I have to... ask him, and stuff! What if he says no? I'm left there looking like a fool while he pats me on the head and feels _sorry_ for me."

"He's not going to say no. Look- he's sitting over there on the table, and he's watching you. He's definitely interested. Now all you have to do is ask him."

Willow pouted. "Do I have to?"

Buffy smiled, and gave her a one-armed hug. "Yes, you do. Now- go!"

Trying out one last, pathetic pout, Willow went.

* * *

"So how is the life of Xander?" 

Xander looked up from the book in front of him. "Hey, Buff. Pretty good, actually. How's the world-saving business going?"

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" She settled down in the seat across the table from him. "Since you were on patrol last night, and everything?"

"Oh, that. Didn't see any nasties to be killed, which was a welcome change. How was your mom night?"

Buffy sighed. "A little tense, but otherwise okay. She's still wigged about Ted coming back, and I can't really tell her that he won't, because she'll ask me how I know. I just make agreeable noises and nod and pat her arm. Then I couldn't sleep last night, so I hightailed it to Angel's."

"Ah, late-night boyfriend visits," Xander said. "Not that I would know anything about that, of course."

Buffy snorted. "Right, about that. I officially renounce pretending that I don't know what's going on."

He gave her a panicked look. "Uh, what?"

"You and this mystery guy? We know you hooked up. It's been all over you for weeks. You might as well have walked around with a neon sign that said, 'Xander got laid.'"

He blinked. "Oh, that. Um, yeah, we're together."

"So? Dish."

"Well, he's a hottie. We're together. Smile and be a happy Buffy, because that's more than you knew before."

She pouted at him. "C'mon, Xander, who loves you? Who stands by your side when things get tough?"

"Who's a nosy little so-and-so?" Xander rejoined. "Maybe you'll meet him. Someday. A day that is very far from now."

Her pout grew in intensity. "Xan-derrr," she whined. "I wanna know about your boyfriend. You know all about my boyfriend."

"Yes, I do. And believe me, when you two first hooked up, I didn't want to."

"Fine. I know about Willow's soon-to-be boyfriend, then, and I won't tell me unless you give me the lowdown on this hunk you're dating."

He looked torn for a moment, then smiled at something behind Buffy's head. "She's coming this way, and she's bouncing, so believe you me, you won't have to tell me anything, because she's about to spill it all."

"Ohmigod! He said yes! Buffy, can you believe it, he actually said yes!"

"Who said yes to what, Willow?" Xander asked, smirking at Buffy.

"Oz, you know, the guitar player? I asked him out for a date, and he said yes!"

"Where are you going, Will?" Buffy said, glaring back at Xander.

"The Bronze, of course. Oo! You can bring Angel, and it'll be a double-date!"

"Great idea! And Xander can bring his snuggle-bunny so we can inspect him and decide if he's good enough for our Xan."

Willow looked from Buffy to Xander. "We're not pretending anymore?" Buffy shook her head. "Cool! Xander, bring him! We want to meet him!"

"And to that I say, a world of no."

"Why not?" Willow pouted. "Are we not good enough for him or something?"

"Not that at all. Buffy, you'd kill him seconds after meeting him."

"He's evil?" Buffy demanded. "Xander, are you dating someone evil?"

"He's that annoying," Xander said evasively.

"Then why are you dating him?" she demanded, smacking him on the arm. He winced, rubbed his arm, and offered, "The sex?"

"Ew!" Buffy said, and smacked him again.

"I second that ew, and raise you a 'bad Xander!'" Willow said, and smacked him on the other arm. That one didn't really hurt, but he winced again and rubbed it anyway, to make her feel better.

"What? You two knew we were doing it, apparently, so what are you smacking me for now?"

"That was when we thought that you had a deep and meaningful relationship that wasn't just about the sex!" Buffy said. "Xander, how could you?"

He stared at her. "Buffy, I am a seventeen year old male. My _dream_ relationship is one where it's all about sex."

She turned her back on him and stuck her nose in the air. "I don't think we want to meet this guy anyway."

"Good, then I'll just skip the Bronze group date tonight!" Xander said. "Thanks, Buff. I knew you'd understand." He scooped up his bag, gave Willow a kiss on the cheek, and was gone before she could reply.

* * *

Xander sighed as he settled back against the pillows. Spike hadn't shown up yet, and Xander was both relieved and disappointed at the thought that he might not come tonight. 

Relieved, because Spike was an incredibly exhausting and evil person, and disappointed, because Spike was an incredibly exhausting and evil person that he'd grown attached to.

Well, that and the sex.

But thinking about sex was counterproductive to actually catching up on his sleep, which was what he was currently trying to do. Patrolling for the Slayer, training with Buffy and with Angel, fairly frequent research parties and school on top of regular sex with Spike didn't leave a lot of time for sleep. Which is why he took every opportunity to do so, after his pre-relationship fiasco with Spike obsession.

Not that he was any better now, if his current state was anything to go by. He and Spike had settled into a pattern of Xander finding Spike when he was out on patrol and Spike coming to his house when he wasn't, and that meant that it was Spike's turn to show up. One or the other of them was often busy for some reason, so it wasn't that big a deal if they missed each other for a night or two. Life rolled on, and sex could always be had the next time they met.

Which worked fairly well for Xander, actually. Casual sex and some laughs- it was any guy's dream relationship, just like he'd told Buffy. And most of the time he could even ignore the squishy emotional stuff.

It was when he was alone that it hit him. Unfortunately, alone time for Xander was usually naptime, and it was interfering with his beauty sleep, which was not okay.

Finally giving up, he climbed out of bed and crossed the room. He looked guiltily at the window, as if making sure that no evil vampire was going to show up and mock, and then pulled open the bottom drawer of the chest of drawers.

Inside, balled up at the back, was a shirt he'd stolen of Spike's when his own had been ripped to shreds in one of their more... passionate encounters. Spike had seemed to have forgotten that he'd lent it to Xander, and Xander wasn't about to remind him.

He pulled out the shirt and smoothed it out with gentle hands. Then, very carefully, he pulled it around his shoulders and held it closed across his chest.

Wrapped in Spike's shirt, he crawled back into bed and settled down again, with a contended sigh. Then, surrounded by Spike's scent, he was finally able to fall asleep.

* * *

It was an even sunnier than usual morning in Sunnydale the next day, and Xander felt somewhat blinded when stepped out into the sunshine. Privately, he thought he was spending just a little bit too much time in the dark, but that was a thought for another day. 

He made his way to the library for the usual morning check-in, and waved cheerfully to Willow when he came in. "Friends, Romans, countrymen, Xander has entered the building."

Willow, and Buffy, along with Giles, Cordelia, and Ms. Calendar, all of whom he'd just now spotted, all turned to him with disquietingly sober expressions. He stopped in his tracks. "What happened?"

"Spike and Drusilla managed to put the Judge back together," Willow explained quietly.

"And the Judge would be?"

"Big, scary demon," Buffy said. "Can't be killed by any weapon. Giles will fill you in on the rest."

She turned on her heel and stalked off into Giles' office. Giles cleared his throat. "Ah, yes. The Judge is an ancient demon, who, well, to shorten it, he burns humanity. It's said that he can't be killed by any weapon ever forged. An army was sent against him, and most of them fell, but eventually they succeeded in chopping him into pieces. They locked the pieces in separate boxes and the boxes were hidden at the farthest corners of the Earth. Buffy got the last box away from them last night, but she and Angel were attacked, and they now have all the pieces."

"How do we know?"

"Buffy and Angel tracked them to the factory, where Spike and Drusilla are staying. We had thought them out of town by now, of course, since we haven't seen hide nor hair of them for weeks, but apparently we were wrong. They reassembled the Judge, and Buffy and Angel were almost killed by him."

"You said that the Judge burns humanity. What happens if he isn't stopped?"

"He will probably need another day or two to gather his strength, but after that, well, he will go forth, and incinerate the human race."

"He needs to be stopped, then. And fast."

"Yes, quite."

"What do you need me to do?"

Giles pointed at the books, which Willow and Cordy and Ms. Calendar had gone back to reading. "Research, I'm afraid. There isn't much, but we need every scrap of information that we can find."

"I'm on it."

Xander settled down at the books, turned his chair away from the others, and let go of the leash he'd been holding on his rage. So that's what Spike had been doing the night before. No wonder he hadn't bothered to show up at Xander's place.

He'd been brewing up an apocalypse.

* * *

Spike stared at the back of the Judge's head, and wondered why he was doing this. 

It wasn't his idea. On that point he was firm. It was Drusilla's, of course, because his sweet Dru was just mad enough to be enthralled by the idea of ending the world. He, on the other hand, was a bit more concerned about their food supply, and how vampires like them were supposed to survive when all the humans were ash.

He was wondering if there was a way to actually get rid of the Judge without hacking him up into little tiny pieces when he heard a very familiar voice behind him.

"You know, you really should learn to watch your back."

"And why should I bother," Spike said without turning around to face Angel, "when I've got my very own watchdog?"

He turned around and jerked his thumb towards the Judge, who was slowly rising out of his kneeling position. "It's not like I'm real worried about what a Caped Crusader like yourself is going to do to me."

Angel just stood there and smirked. And said nothing. Which, really, for Angel, in any incarnation, was odd. He was all about the taunt, the witty and mocking comment. He never just stood there like the big useless lump he was, which was unfortunate, but at the moment it was making Spike wonder what the hell was going on and what Angel was planning.

The Lump didn't even move when the Judge right up to him and pressed a gauntleted hand to his chest. Spike leaned back against the wall, anticipating with great pleasure the sight of Angel burning to ash, but there was just... nothing.

"What are you doing, you twit? Burn him!"

"Gee," Angel said. "Maybe he's broken."

The Judge dropped his hand and shook his head. "I cannot burn this one. He is clean." When Spike stared incredulously at him, the Judge added, "There is no humanity in him."

The Judge wandered off, seeming somewhat disgusted with the whole thing, and still Spike just sat there and gaped. Angel- what? It couldn't be.

"I couldn't have said it better myself," Angel said, with a little quirk of his lips as he shrugged his shoulders and tugged on his coat to straighten it. Spike heard a little gasp from behind him, and knew without looking that Dru had entered the room.

"Angel?" she said in a tiny, hopeful voice.

"Yeah, baby," Angel said, and yeah, there was that sneer that Spike remembered all too well. "I'm back."

_Well, bugger,_ Spike thought. _How am I supposed to stop the Judge from burning up my food supply with this wanker running amuck?_

Time for Plan B.

* * *

Xander checked to make sure that Buffy was in the office and safely out of earshot before turning to Willow and whispering, "What's up with Buffy? Besides the apocalypse thing, I mean." 

"She's all wigged about Angel disappearing," Willow whispered back. "We're all worried that the Judge might have gotten him or something."

"You mean we don't know where he is? I thought Buffy said that they got out of the factory okay."

"They did. Apparently they went back to his place, and he disappeared sometime this morning. Buffy thinks that he maybe went after the Judge on his own."

"He's not that foolish, Wills," Xander said, but he had a very bad feeling. Something had happened to Angel.

On the heels of that thought, he heard a voice say his name. He spun around in his seat and then, after blinking for a moment, he ensured that he wasn't hallucinating, and it was, indeed, Spike who was standing in front of the doorway to the library.

Buffy came rushing out of the office, stake in hand, but Xander caught her wrist before she could throw it. "Spike. Why are you here."

"We have a problem."

"_We?_" Buffy demanded. "Xander, why'd you stop me from killing him?"

"What kind of problem?" Xander asked. He didn't let go of Buffy's wrist, and he didn't take his eyes off Spike's face. Something there clued him in. "It's Angel, isn't it?"

"'Fraid so, pet. He's turned. I dunno how, but he did it."

"What the hell are you talking about, Spike?" Buffy angrily wrenched her wrist free of Xander's grip, and glared at her friend. "Why are you talking to him, anyway?"

"Because I think he's about to save our asses, Buff," Xander said quietly. "Angel's turned. As in, he no longer has a soul. He's evil."

"What? That's stupid. He's missing, not evil. You're not taking Spike's word on this, are you? He's probably just trying to cause trouble again."

"I wish I was, Slayer," Spike said. "Believe me, there's nothing I like more than trouble. Unfortunately, it's the truth. The brooding poofter has left the building, and in his place is Angelus the blood-happy psycho. So to speak."

"You're talking like me," Xander said, when Buffy refused to respond. "Stop it."

"I had you saying 'wanker' last week, remember? Turnabout's only fair play."

Willow stood up. "You two know each other? As in, you know, _know?_ Speaking to each other, not trying to kill each other?"

"Something like that," Xander said quietly. "It's complicated."

"No," Buffy said fiercely. "It's not. Spike's evil. You kill him. There's nothing complicated about that."

"And what if Angel's evil, Buffy. Let's just say, for example, that it's true. You think you'd be able to kill him?"

"That's different! I love Ang-" She stopped, and went ashen. "Oh, god. Don't tell me. Please don't tell me."

"Fine," he said. "I won't. I don't have to. You've already guessed it."

Willow came up to stand beside Buffy, who looked like she wanted to collapse. "Xander? You and Spike are... involved?"

"That's one way of putting it," Spike said, seeming not to realize that speaking up now was not the brightest idea he'd ever had. Xander smacked him on the back of the head to silence him and Spike growled at him, but did nothing else but rub the back of his head.

Unfortunately, the little byplay just emphasized the intimacy between them, and Willow was getting paler, now, too. "Oh god. The guy. The guy you said you were with. It's Spike. Oh my god. You've been having _sex_ with _Spike_!"

Xander winced, but nodded. "Yeah. I have. For weeks now. Since the night with Eyghon."

"You've lied to me." That was from Buffy. "You've lied to all of us. For weeks. You lied right to our faces, and we believed you."

Xander nodded again, his face solemn. "Yes, I did. And yes, you did. You had every reason to. Now you know better. And while I'm sure that there's nothing you'd rather be doing than hating me, you've got bigger problems. Namely, your boyfriend. Something happened to Angel- I knew that before Spike walked in the door."

"And why should we believe you?" Willow said. Her expression was closed off, but her eyes were bitter and cold, and Xander wondered, inwardly, if his life would ever be put back together.

"Because I don't want any of you hurt."

"Spike does," Buffy snapped.

"Yeah, well, he's evil. And according to him, so's your boyfriend."

"I don't believe you," Buffy said. "I don't believe Spike. I don't trust you, and I certainly don't trust Spike. I want him out of here before I kill him, and Xander? How about you do the same."

He stared at her for a long moment. "You're making a mistake," he said.

"I don't think I am."

"Then we're all doomed," Xander said, and walked out of the library. Spike glanced around at the rest of the Scoobies, shrugged, and flipped them a merry two-fingered salute before following Xander.

* * *

Xander waited until they were in the sewers before he said anything. "We have to do something," he said. Then he looked at Spike as if he was remembering who he was talking to. "Well, I have to do something. Unless- why _are_ you here, Spike? Helping?" 

"Want the Judge gone, pet," Spike said. "He's out to get rid of humanity, right? If you hadn't noticed, humans are pretty much what we eat. We'd starve, turn on each other, kill each other off, and just generally suffer. Not a pretty vision of my future, pet, and one I'd rather not experience for myself."

"So why did you put the Judge together in the first place?"

Spike shrugged. "Because I can't say no to Dru?"

Xander stared at him for a minute. "You need counseling."

Spike just shrugged again, and Xander started to pace after a minute. "We have to stop the Judge. That's the first priority. Stopping Angel is the second priority, preferably without killing him. Putting his soul back? Do we even know how to do that?"

"I don't know how to put the soul back," Spike said. "Personally, I'd just as soon dust the wanker, but if you want him alive, we keep him alive. I do know Olde Rumanian, though, so if you can get a written copy of the curse, then we're in business."

Xander smiled at him- a tired smile, but Spike was just grateful that Xander was with him, instead of ignoring him, denying everything, and staying back with his friends in the library. "Okay, so we've got the second part done, if we can find a copy of the curse. Right. We can find that eventually- we'll have to immobilize Angel first, though, and that means that we'd have to catch him. But that's for later. Right now, the Judge. Any ideas?"

Spike shook his head, and Xander went back to pacing. "No weapon forged," he muttered to himself. "So a sword or an arrow wouldn't pierce his heart. But he could be cut up into little pieces, so he's not totally invulnerable." He paused, his eyes widening for a moment as he got an idea. "Wait. Oh. That might work."

Spike waited a second, and when Xander didn't say anything more, he grabbed him by the shoulder and shook him. "What might work?"

"Well, they said that no weapon forged could kill him. But that was centuries ago, right? Weapons are so much more advanced now. We've got, say... rocket launchers."

Spike was absolutely still for one long moment. "Pet, I knew there was a reason I spent time with you."

Xander grinned at him. "You mean it wasn't because of my devastating wit and blinding charm? No, don't answer that. There's a military base nearby, right?" When Spike nodded, Xander said, "Could you break us in?"

Spike grinned back at him, pleased as always at the promise of mayhem. "Of course."

* * *

Buffy wondered if this was what it felt like when your heart was breaking. 

She'd thought her heart had broken before. When she found out that Angel was a vampire. When she found out that he wasn't evil, only to hear that he wasn't going to hang around. When she'd thought she was going to die. When she'd found out that Angel had had sex with her best friend. But this... this was so much worse than any of those times.

She felt like she was bleeding on the inside, and she wasn't sure she was ever going to stop crying. She'd gone back to his place, to look for him and because Spike's warnings had scared her more than she'd admit, and he was there. But it wasn't him. She could see that now.

The things he said... He'd been so hurtful. Deliberately so. And try as she could to deny it, she knew that Spike had been right. That somehow, Angel had lost his soul. And she knew that somehow, she had done it.

Her feet were barely lifting off the beige tile of the school floor. She didn't have the energy to move any faster. Everything in her felt like she was dying, and it was all she could do to keep herself from collapsing into a ball and bawling her heart out. But there was an apocalypse to stop, somehow, because there was always an apocalypse, somehow. And she wasn't sure that this one could be stopped.

Merely pushing open the swinging doors to the library took all the strength she had. All her friends- minus one that she wasn't going to think about now- looked up from something they'd been clustered around on the table.

"Buffy!" She didn't think she'd ever seen Giles so relieved. "Buffy, are you alright?"

"Yes," she said, and even to her own ears her voice sounded funny. Weak. Hoarse. "Spike was right. Angel lost his soul."

Giles took a deep, shocked breath, and Willow rushed to her side. "Buffy, are you okay?"

"No," she said. "No, I'm not okay. But I'll live. What have we got on the Judge?"

"Well," Willow said. "Um, you should look at this first."

She drew Buffy over to the table where a long wooden crate sat. Willow glanced at her to make sure she was watching, then opened the lid.

Inside sat a rocket launcher, two and a half feet of gleaming metal and death. And on top of it sat a note.

_Hey Buff- thought you might be needing this. If the Judge can be cut up, he can damn sure be blown up. We've also got some ideas about Angel- if you can get a copy of the curse, Spike can translate it. Don't ask where he learned to read Olde Rumanian, because he won't tell me. I know you probably don't want my help, and you damn sure don't want Spike's. But if you do need us, we're here. I'm here. Beyond that, the best I can give you is this- tomorrow night is when it's going down. Spike says the Judge will be at full strength by then. He'll hit somewhere populated, where he can get a lot of people at once- I'll leave it up to you to figure out where. And Buffy? Don't let any one of you go off by yourselves. Angel will be looking to take out anyone he knows you care about, just to weaken you. Be careful. X._

And written underneath the signature was his cell phone number.

She took a deep breath, it catching in the back of her throat on a choked sob. Willow immediately put an arm around her shoulders, and Buffy looked up at Giles, tears shining in her eyes.

"I need to use the phone."

* * *

"Hey," Xander's voice said in her ear, and Buffy sighed out his name. 

"Xander."

"Guess you got my birthday present. Like the color?"

He surprised a laugh out of her. He always could. "It's perfect. You said that you would help, and, um, Spike too? He's actually helping?"

She heard his laugh, warm against her ear, and she felt some of the deadness inside her clear out again. "Yeah. He doesn't want to kill all the humans."

"This is Spike we're talking about, right?"

"He doesn't want to have nothing to eat," Xander said dryly. "You need us?"

"Yeah. Where are you?"

"Nearer than you think," he said, and it took her a split second to realize that his voice had come from behind her, rather than the phone. She turned, and there he was, standing in the doorway with Spike standing slightly behind him.

She took a deep breath, then ran across the space between them and hugged him as hard as she could. Instead of gasping, as most people seemed to do when she hugged them, he hugged her back just as hard.

"Don't go away again," she told him, and he murmured back, "Not even if you tell me to."

She smiled against his chest, then decided that emotional time was over, and it was time to get down to business. "Okay," she said, pulling away and walking resolutely towards the table. "Time for the plan of action. We need to figure out where the Judge will hit, and we need to make sure that we get there before he can. We have to find a copy of the gypsy curse, because Angel is our greatest threat, after the Judge. Spike, you can translate Olde Rumanian?"

"Er, yeah," Spike said, obviously surprised that she'd spoken to him directly. "Not well, mind you, but I can in a pinch."

"This qualifies as a pinch," she said. "Giles, do you know where we could start looking for the curse?"

Giles shook his head, but to Buffy's surprise, Ms. Calendar slowly raised her hand. "I do," she said quietly. When they all turned to gape at her, she repeated, "I have it. I took it with me when I left my tribe to come here."

"Tribe?" Buffy demanded. "You can't mean..."

"Gypsies. Yes. It was my people who cursed him. Gypsies have a finely-honed sense of vengeance, and I was sent here to watch over him, and to make sure that the curse still held."

"Then you know how it was broken," Buffy said desperately. "How did he lose his soul?"

"A moment of perfect happiness, no matter how short, is all it takes to end his punishment."

Buffy absorbed this blow and turned away from everyone, wrapping her arms around her middle. "It was my fault, then."

"How could it be your- Oh." Willow stopped. "That."

Shocked silence fell heavily after her words, interrupted by, of all people, Spike. "Well, this is lovely an' all, but I didn't come here to laugh at the Slayer. It's mostly just a side benefit."

Xander smacked him on the back of the head again, hard enough to send him staggering forward. "Spike, you're an asshole," he said, but it came out almost fondly, as if he'd said it so many times that he couldn't even inject any real venom into it anymore.

"He's right, though," Giles said. Everyone turned to look at him, and he flushed and added, "Not about the side benefit, about needing to work on the plan."

"I didn't say anything about a plan!"

"It was implied," Xander informed him, and then looked at Buffy. "Buff? What is the plan? You're the general of our motley little army."

Buffy took a deep breath and turned back to face them all. "Alright. Ms. Calendar, we need a copy of the curse. How quickly can you get it?" Her voice sounded like it wanted to waver, but she managed to hold it steady.

Ms. Calendar pointed at the computer. "I scanned it."

"Great. Spike, you're translating. Any materials we need, we're going to have to get them tomorrow." She glanced down at her watch. "Today, rather. We need to figure out where the Judge is going to hit, and we need to formulate a plan of attack to prevent him from mass barbeque. We need to figure out how to incapacitate Angel so that we can return his soul. And we need to keep together while we do all this, so that Angel can't pick any of us off." She took another deep breath and looked at Giles. "How am I doing?"

"Wonderful," he said supportively. "I can't think of anything to add, myself."

"I know where the Judge is going to hit," Willow said, speaking for only the second time since Xander had walked into the room. She looked remote and closed off, not like her usual Willow self, and she was very carefully not looking at Xander.

"You do?" Buffy said. "Where?"

"The mall," Willow said. "Where else are there that many people in one place in Sunnydale?"

Buffy smiled at her, wondering if she looked as frayed around the edges as she felt. "That's great, Wills. At least we have a place to start."

"The curse looks simple enough," Spike said from behind the computer. Xander was leaning against the back of his chair, one hand resting casually on Spike's shoulder. "Some herbs, some chanting, and an Orb of Thessula. That might be a bit hard to find- don't carry many of those these days."

"The magic shop three blocks over has one," Giles said. "We can send someone tomorrow to purchase it and the necessary herbs."

"I'll go," Willow said. "When the sun's up."

Buffy frowned at her. "Wills, even in the daylight, it's not really safe..."

"I'll go with her," Xander said. Willow shook her head quickly, but Xander just stared at her. "I'll keep you safe," he said with quiet intensity. "You can trust me that far, at least."

After a long, silent pause, she nodded.

* * *

"What do you want me to say?" Xander asked, hours later as he and Willow made their way to the Magic Box in very bright daylight. 

"There's nothing you can say, except to tell me that it was all a hideous dream, and I know that that's not going to happen."

Yeah, she sounded bitter, alright. And hurt, which was far, far worse.

"No, that's not going to happen. I can apologize for lying to you, if it helps."

"No, it doesn't!" She stopped walking and whirled to face him. "Xander, you lied to me. You've never in your life lied to me, but this time you did."

"I lied to everyone, not just you."

"Is that supposed to make it better?" She shook her head. "Look. I don't get why you're with Spike. I don't want to get why you're with Spike, if we're being honest about it, which would be a nice change for you, so don't try to explain. I don't forgive you, and we're not okay. But I'm setting it aside for the moment, because we have bigger things to deal with right now, like an impending apocalypse. So I'd appreciate it if you'd just shut up and walk faster."

Xander stared hard at her for a moment, then shut up, and walked faster.

* * *

It was a good plan. Xander knew it was a good plan. Buffy showed signs of being a truly brilliant strategist, and while there was always something that could go wrong with any plan, this one was relatively lacking in holes. 

That didn't make it any easier to wait down one of the side corridors with Spike, trying to ignore the shoppers milling around them and trying not to think about what was going to happen in the food court.

He knew that Angel was bringing the Judge and a bunch of minions through the main entrance, because Angel's ego was big enough that he'd have to come through the main one, instead of through one of the department stores. He also knew that Buffy was waiting for them with a rocket launcher.

Giles was with her, of course, and Cordelia and Oz, who Xander recognized from the couple times his band had played at the Bronze. They were backup in case the vampires didn't get blown up too, and also to pick up any Judge-pieces that might be lying around. Ms. Calendar was back at the library with Willow, trying frantically to prepare for the upcoming rensoulment spell they were going to have to do, which was as simple as Spike had said, but not exactly a cakewalk for a casual magic user.

And Xander was waiting in the side hall with Spike, waiting for Angel to come running through. Buffy was a good enough shot that she could aim it away from him, and if Angel didn't get blown up in the rocket blast, it was a sure thing that he'd get away from the scene of his defeat as quickly as possible. And there was only one main passage out of the food court, as Buffy had been delighted about when she'd remembered, so it was an easy matter for Xander and Spike to stand there and wait for Angel.

It did, in fact, turn out to be that easy. They both winced at the loud explosion from the rocket, which hopefully had exploded the Judge into tiny pieces. And sure enough, less than thirty seconds later they saw him, running like the hounds of hell were at his heels and completely oblivious to the chains in Spike's hands and the tranquilizer gun that Xander held in his arms.

One shot, and Angel was down, lying sprawled on the floor and getting stepped on by fleeing shoppers. Xander moved into the fray and pulled him to the side, where Spike gleefully wrapped chains around his wrists and ankles, perhaps a bit tighter than they needed to be. Xander opened his mouth, then closed it, since it wasn't worth the energy of protesting.

Buffy came running around the corner, and she skidded to an abrupt halt when she saw Angel chained on the floor. "You got him," she said unnecessarily, but Xander nodded anyway.

"The Judge?"

"All blown up. Giles and the rest are picking up the pieces now."

Spike perked up at that. "Pieces? There's pieces?" He turned to grin at Xander. "Think I'm gonna go take a look, pet. Wanna come with?"

Xander glanced over at Buffy's strained expression as the girl stared down at the unconscious and thoroughly chained love of her life. "I think I'll help Buffy get Angel out to the car. I'll find you later, okay?"

Spike shrugged and sprinted off, delighted at the thought of the carnage and destruction that something as big as a rocket could inflict. Xander glanced at Buffy and shrugged. They shared a tired smile before grabbing Angel by his shoulders and feet and starting to carry him out of the building.

An unearthly howl stopped them. Xander dropped Angel's feet and took off in the direction of the noise, knowing that it was Spike, not knowing how he knew, and not particularly caring.

He found Spike up on the landing where the Judge must have been standing, due to the amount of smoke and the large hole that was blown in the floor. Spike was crouched off to the side, heedless of the water that was just starting to pour out of the sprinklers, clutching something to his chest and rocking back and forth.

Xander made a beeline for him, and crouched down next to him, putting an arm around his shoulders. A gentle hand managed to pry apart Spike's death grip what he was holding, and Xander saw that it was a doll.

One of Drusilla's dolls, as a matter of fact, and there was a small pile of dust on the ground by Spike's feet, quickly being washed away by the downpour from the ceiling.

Xander drew in a shocked breath. Drusilla had been here? Of course she'd been here. The whole thing was her idea. And apparently she didn't have sense enough to get out of the way of a rocket, or maybe she'd just been standing too close to the Judge. Either way, she'd clearly caught fire, and staggered to the side before dropping her doll, and burning to ash.

Xander looked at Spike's face, and didn't even try to deny the stabbing pain in his chest at seeing the tears streaming down the vampire's cheeks. His face was contorted in an agony of grief, and all Xander wanted to do was make it go away, to care for Spike like Spike had cared for him that night that everything had started before them. All he wanted was to make him feel better, to ease some of the pain, and he knew that he couldn't.

So he just pulled Spike closer, and held him tight against his chest as he sobbed.


	11. Love You Forever

**Chapter Eleven: Love You Forever.** Lost without Dru, Spike clings even more tightly to Xander, Buffy has to keep Angel from killing himself, and Willow starts falling in love with a werewolf.

* * *

It was a solemn group who trudged back into the library that night. Well, Cordelia was smugly victorious, but everyone else's cheer was depressed by the sight of someone they'd all trusted and depended on being carried into the room, unconscious and wrapped in chains. 

Xander, for his part, was far too distracted by Spike to even notice Angel. The younger vampire was long finished with his crying jag, and instead had retreated into some place that only he could see, leaving a quietly lost man in place of the Big Bad that Xander was used to.

Willow and Mrs. Calendar ran to meet them when they pushed their way through the library doors, Oz and Cordy in the lead, Buffy and Giles following carrying Angel, and Xander, with his arm wrapped around Spike's shoulders, trailing behind. Angel was deposited on the hastily-cleared-off table while Xander guided Spike into Giles' office and sat him down.

He didn't come back out of the office, guessing rightly that he wasn't needed for the spellcasting, and instead focused on Spike. It made his chest hurt to see his usually badass lover so blank and empty, staring into space like he wasn't ever going to wake up and make some smartass comment about Angel's hair or Buffy's short skirts. He sat on the floor at Spike's feet, leaning his head against the vampire's thigh, and wondered if he'd ever feel okay again.

"C'mon, Spike," he whispered. "You're stronger than this. You're gonna come back. I know you are. You can't make fun of Angel if you don't come back, you know that?" No answer, of course. "Spike, I need you to come back. How am I supposed to keep going without you?"

Spike stayed perfectly still, staring off into space, and Xander gave up. He let himself drift, indulging in depression and a little blankness of his own, listening with half an ear to the building chant of Latin in the main room. The smell of burning herbs was almost overwhelming when it finally made its way under the closed door, and his nose twitched.

He felt an answering twitch behind him, and spun around so fast his back almost cracked. And sure enough, Spike was blinking and opening his eyes, the smell of the herbs having apparently woken him out of whatever place he'd gone to.

"Spike?"

Spike's gaze slowly focused on the boy sitting at his feet. "Xander?"

"Yeah, Spike. It's me. Are you okay?"

Spike's confused expression quickly crumpled into grief as memory hit him. "Dru?"

"She's gone," Xander confirmed, softly because he knew how much of a blow it was. Spike stared at him silently out of lost blue eyes, and Xander reached up to gently touch his cheek. "Are you going to be alright?"

"I dunno," Spike said. "I feel all... empty. Cold. So fucking cold."

_Shock,_ Xander thought, and found that he wasn't that surprised that vampire bodies could even go into shock. Xander quickly stood up and scooped Spike into his arms, making handy use of his vampire-strength, and settled back into the chair, with Spike in his lap and wrapped in his arms and simple body heat.

Spike buried his face in Xander's shoulder, and Xander knew that when Spike was back to normal he'd be kicking and screaming at the thought that he'd behaved like this, but at the moment all he could do was hold him and revel in the feel of Spike in his arms again, when just a minute ago he thought he might have lost him forever.

The door opened a few minutes later, and Willow stood there, looking first shocked and then closed off to see Spike wrapped around Xander like he was the last unlife-line that the vampire had to hold on to. Upon reflection, Xander realized that it was probably true.

"The spell?" he asked, when it looked like Willow wasn't going to say anything.

"It worked," she said, and Xander noticed how drained she looked. Her skin was ashen, and it looked like she was holding onto the doorframe to keep upright. "Buffy is taking Angel back to her house to keep an eye on him. Giles is going with her, to explain to her mom what's going on."

"Finally decided that her mom should be let in on the whole Slayer thing?" Xander asked. Willow nodded.

"She's not going to take it well."

"Understatement," Xander said, then looked away from Willow's tight expression and down at the vampire in his arms. "I think I'll be taking Spike home, too. Seems we're done here for the night, and I don't know about you, but I'm going to sleep all tomorrow."

Willow just nodded once, and left the room without saying anything else. Xander winced. Looks like Will really wasn't going to forgive him any time soon, if ever.

"Gonna take me home, pet?" Spike asked, looking up at him with the blue eyes that had always been able to get whatever he wanted out of Xander.

"Yeah, I'm taking you home."

"Where's home?"

Xander began to wonder if there wasn't something seriously wrong with Spike, more than just simple grief. "The factory, Spike. Don't you remember?"

"That's not home anymore," Spike muttered, burying his face against Xander's shoulder. "It's empty. No one home but me. Don't wanna go back there. Don't make me go back there. Please, pet. I don't wanna go home alone."

"Shh, it's okay," Xander murmured, stroking one hand over Spike's stiffly gelled hair. "I'll take you back to my place, okay? We can stay there for a while, until you're all better. That sound okay?"

Spike nodded silently, his face still pressed to Xander's shoulder, and Xander stood up, still cradling the vampire in his arms. He thought about setting Spike down and letting him walk on his own, and then on second reflection decided that it was far more enjoyable for him, as well as being safer, to just carry him.

He nodded to Willow, who was gathering her stuff up to walk home, but she didn't nod back. Deciding that there was nothing he could do about it now, Xander just gave a mental shrug and left.

* * *

Cordelia Chase was not happy. She'd let herself get dragged into saving-the-world schemes, _again_. Sure, she hadn't done anything more than pick up pieces and wave around stinky herbs, but she could have been spending the night at home, getting her much-needed beauty sleep. Bags under the eyes were just so unattractive. 

And it wasn't like any of them had actually bothered to thank her. Everyone had just left, not even bothering to even look at her, much less acknowledge all the hard work she'd done at _their_ request. She couldn't believe them. How could they be so self-centered?  
She saw Xander the next morning, though, looking pale and heavy-eyed and as exhausted as she was pretending not to be. She felt a brief surge of completely unwelcome sympathy, but before she could quash it down to nothingness, she found herself moving over to intercept him.

"Hey," he said quietly when he spotted her. "All rested up from your world-saving duties?"

Well, maybe the sympathy wasn't so unwelcome. His priorities might have been sadly confused the night before, but they were clearly back in the proper order- with her first- this morning, so perhaps it was acceptable to be the slightest bit worried about him after all.

"Better than you are, that's for sure," she said with some asperity. "Did you get any sleep at all last night?"

He flashed her a brief smile, and she was suddenly, forcibly reminded of the boy he'd been so many years ago. She quickly squished the memory, because mental-kiddie-Xander was way too cute for her peace of mind. Also, the Xander that stood before her bore about as much resemblance to the grinning five-year-old of her memory as he did to the grinning sixteen-year-old of just a few months ago. Not a whole hell of a lot.

He'd changed.

"Not really," he said. "Mentally disturbed vampires do not make for a well-rested Xan-man."

Right. Spike. Xander was gay now. What was that she'd been thinking about changes? "How is our resident evil?"

"Sleeping, I hope," Xander said with a shrug. "Maybe he'll be a little bit more stable if he gets some sleep."

"You could use some, too," she pointed out. "You look like death warmed over."

"That's what class is for," he said cheerfully, but with only a shadow of his usual energy. She frowned at him, and grabbed his arm.

"You can skip class for a little bit. Go see Giles. If nothing else, he can write you a note and let you sleep in his office."

He gave her an intense, steady look that was not at all like him. "You're not as heartless as you pretend, are you?" When she sputtered with insult, he grinned at her, leaned over, and kissed her on the forehead. "Queen C."

Then he turned and walked away in the direction of the library, leaving her staring after him, stupefied and maybe just a little bit in love with him.

* * *

Giles, Xander decided, looked no better than Xander felt. "Did any of us get any sleep last night?" he asked. "Or do we all look like 'death warmed over,' as Cordy so kindly informed me." 

Giles looked up from the book he was reading. "Oh, Xander. Hello. No, I didn't get any sleep last night. I spent most of the wee hours trying to explain to Mrs. Summers what, exactly, being a Slayer entails, trying to keep her from hitting me over the head with the bottle of whiskey she was gulping from, and trying to make her understand that her daughter couldn't just quit being the Slayer."

"And Buff? How's she doing?"

A shadow crossed Giles' tired features. "As well as can be expected. She's still at home, looking after Angel, who is doing somewhat less well. He's consumed with guilt over the actions he carried out, and those he didn't succeed at, while he was without his soul. Buffy is terrified that he'll attempt suicide if she doesn't stay by him."

"Two deranged vampires in Sunnydale," Xander said dryly. "I miss life when it was boring."

Giles looked at him sharply. "You're looking after Spike?"

Xander shrugged. "He's asleep now, as far as I know. There's not much he can get up to in our house even if he isn't- it's full daylight and there's no sewer access, so the worst thing he could do is kill my parents, which, hey, no great loss." Giles stared at him, but Xander turned his head, avoiding meeting his eyes. "He's barely able to function right now, anyway. I'll deal with him when he's back to normal. Until then, leave off."

Xander's voice was as harsh as Giles had ever heard it. "You've determined that he's to live, have you?"

"I've always determined that," Xander said. "That's not likely to change."

"Even if he kills again?"

Xander stared at him for so long that Giles started to feel uncomfortable. There was power in those dark eyes, power that had been there since summer, but he'd never turned it towards any of his friends, and as such Giles was feeling the full effects of it for the first time. This was no boy in front of him, ready to be scolded- this was a predator.

"I did some reading after the incident with Eyghon," Xander said slowly. "I found some interesting things about you and a certain Chaos mage. I also notice that he's gotten away twice now, right from under your nose. I wouldn't be so quick to cast stones, Giles. You of all people should know what it's like to love the wrong person."

He turned on his heel and stalked out of the library after his last little bombshell, leaving Giles standing, staring mutely at his retreating back. The boy had certainly developed a skill for a dramatic exit, Giles had to give him that much. And apparently he'd honed his research skills, if he'd found as much as he said he had about Ethan and himself.

It wasn't the same thing, he reassured himself. It wasn't the same thing at all. Ethan was a nuisance, but he wasn't usually truly dangerous. Spike, on the other hand, was a vicious killer, and no amount of grief or trauma would change that fact.

But Xander's words echoed in his head, and the seed of doubt was planted. No matter how many times he told himself that the two situations were not the same, he couldn't be sure that if the time came, he would be able to kill Spike, knowing that Xander, the closest thing he had to a son, loved the creature.

* * *

Xander decided not to go back to class. He wasn't in any shape to deal with school, anyway, so he'd be more useful checking on Buffy and Angel. 

Mrs. Summers opened the door and let him in without a word, leaving the door open and going straight back to the living room, where she promptly poured another generous shot of whiskey. Xander closed the door behind him and made his way quietly up the steps, heading for Buffy's room, where he could hear her murmuring to Angel.

He halted in the doorway, leaning against the doorframe and just looking at her. The windows had been covered by heavy blackout curtains, and lit candles were scattered around the room, for a softer light than the bright one the lamps provided. The flickering light played over her bent head, picking out red strands in her pale hair, and painting a golden glow over the hand that was stroking Angel's cheek.

"Hey," he said softly. "How're you holding up?"

She looked up, unsurprised to see him there. "I'm okay," she said, her tired tone belying her words.

"And what about him?" Xander nodded towards Angel.

"He's... not really okay," Buffy said. "He's consumed with guilt for everything he's done, both in the last couple days, as well as from before, hitting him all over again. He's asleep now, though."

Xander smiled sadly at her. "You want me to spell you for a while?"

She smiled back at him. "I'll be fine," she said softly. "I want to be the one he sees when he wakes up, you know?"

"Yeah, I know." He stood in silence for a minute. "You're going to have to talk to your mom again soon, you know."

"I know. She's still drinking?"

"Slugging it back for all she's worth," Xander admitted. "She'll come to terms with it. Eventually."

"It's the 'eventually' I'm worried about," Buffy said with a sigh. "How do your parents deal with it?"

He snorted. "Oh please. Those two don't notice me coming in at odd hours, much less that I'm not exactly Joe Normal anymore. Hell, they didn't even notice me frigging _carrying_ Spike in last night, and I walked past them. Hellmouth denial at its best, liberally assisted by large quantities of cheap alcohol."

"I'm sorry," Buffy said.

"Don't be," Xander said, shaking his head. "I got used to it a long time ago, and it's actually easier for me now. Besides," and he smiled a little, "I've got a different family. You, Angel, Giles, Willow when she stops hating me, even Spike."

Buffy glanced at him, startled. "Spike? He's your family?"

"Well, only sort of, because otherwise it would be incest," Xander said dryly. "But yeah."

"He means that much to you?"

"He does," Xander said, completely seriously. "He really does."

She smiled at him, a tiny smile, but there nonetheless, and real. "Then he's a lucky guy," she said. "Go to him. I know you want to."

He hesitated. "You're sure you don't-"

"I'm okay by myself," she assured him. "I can keep Angel from doing anything stupid, and you have more than enough on your mind, with your own vampire to take care of. I'll call you when Angel wakes up, if you're that worried."

"I am," he said seriously. "And please do. I worry about both of you, you know."

"We're fine," she said. Then she glanced down at Angel's sleeping face, and a shadow crossed her features. "Well, as fine as we can be, considering the circumstances. Go ahead, okay? Spike needs you more than either of us does, I bet."

"Thanks for caring," Xander said, and it should have sounded sarcastic, but didn't, because Buffy could tell that he meant it. "It's more than I could have asked for. I'd been expecting something along the lines of everlasting hatred and a speedy staking."

"He means something to you, so by extension he means something to me," Buffy said. "I don't necessarily like it, but he did help, and he obviously makes you happy, so maybe he has some redeeming qualities after all."

"He really does," Xander said, giving her a slightly silly grin, and she laughed in spite of herself, feeling better than she had for the last couple days.

"Just go, alright? Play with the crazy vampire, and I'll call if anything happens."

He smiled at her, and it felt almost like a hug, for all that he was standing clear across the room. "Take care," he said, and disappeared from view. She heard his footsteps fading away down the hall, and looked down at Angel, sleeping on the bed beside her.

She loved him more than anything. How could she stand to lose him?

* * *

Spike wasn't asleep when Xander home, which made him glad that he'd decided to skip school that day. It wasn't even noon yet, and despite the fact that Spike hadn't fallen asleep till well after dawn, he was already wide awake and crouched in a corner, shivering and looking lost. 

Xander shut the door behind him with a quiet click to make sure that his parents didn't wander in at an inopportune moment, then swiftly crossed the room and scooped Spike up in his arms. He carried Spike over to his bed and held him, as much for the pleasure of the rare chance to cuddle with the Big Bad as to reassure him.

"Hey, I thought you were gonna get some sleep. You were already snoring when I left."

"Don't snore." The protest was weak, quiet, but it gave Xander hope.

"Sorry to burst your bubble, but you definitely snore. Unlive with the fact. Why'd you wake up, then?"

"Quiet," Spike said. "Alone. You went away. Everyone goes away in the end."

"I just went to school, Spike. And I came back, see? I'll always come back."

"Why?" Spike asked. "Dru didn't mean to leave, either. And now she's gone."

"Because I belong to you," Xander said seriously. "I'm yours. It doesn't matter how much I pretend otherwise 'cause it's true. I'll always be yours. Till dust do us part and afterwards. Got it?"

"Will you wear my name?"

Xander glanced down at him quizzically. "Huh?"

"If I belong to you, will you wear my name?"

"A nice black dog collar okay for you?" Xander joked. "They make them in zebra-stripe patterns now, did you know that?"

Spike slowly uncoiled himself out of Xander's lap and stood a few inches away, looking steadily into Xander's dark eyes. "Not a collar, pet."

"Then what?" Xander asked, when Spike didn't elaborate.

"Do you trust me?" Spike said, instead of answering. Xander locked gazes with him and just stared at him, silently, for a long, tense moment.

"Yes," he said finally. It was the hardest thing he'd ever done.

Spike bent down, and pulled a short, delicate knife out of his boot. He held it up and Xander couldn't seem to pull his eyes away from the blade, gleaming just a little in light filtered through the curtains.

"Then take off your shirt, and turn around."

* * *

It was the most intense experience of his life. More than Angel's blood, more than the first real fight with his new and improved body. More even than the incredible rush that sex with Spike always gave him. It was so all-consuming that he couldn't even see out of open, tear-brightened eyes. All he could do was clench his fists on the bedspread and stare blindly at the wall, panting out of a half-opened mouth while every muscle in his body clenched against the white-hot invasion on his back. 

He could _feel_ it, ever tiny millimeter of it, stroking oh-so-slowly in Spike's steady hand, and he knew without looking that the letters were square and angular, very different the elegant Victorian handwriting he'd seen on the odd occasion that Spike had left him a note somewhere or other, due to the medium of blade rather than pen. The whole area felt inflamed, swollen, red-hot, with the letters icy lines of fire tracing his ownership through the burn. Blood trickled down, tickling and soaking into the hem of his jeans but he didn't move, just held himself so very, very still while he let himself flow into the pain and eventually closed his unseeing eyes against the rush of a lifetime.

And when it was over, Spike gently cleaned and bandaged the wounds, and wrapped his arms around him, holding him like he was never going to let go. Xander's last thought, before losing himself in sleep, was that he wasn't sure anymore who was the comforter, and who was the comforted.

* * *

A ringing phone awoke them both. Spike flinched but didn't roll away from the sudden noise, as Xander had half-expected he would. Instead he cuddled closer to the heat of Xander's body, almost purring when Xander stroked one calloused hand down his spine while reaching for the phone with the other. 

"Xander here. Yeah. There was a _what _attack? Christ. Aren't those just legend or something? Yeah, I know vampires are supposed to be too, but Giles never said anything about these, that's for damned sure. Oh, so _you_ don't know anything about them either. Oh, that's just great. No, I was asleep. What time is it, anyway? Right. Fine, we'll be there in a few. Yes, we. Fine. You don't want to know. No, you really don't want to know. I said we'll be there in a few. We have to get dressed first, okay? I told you that you didn't want to know, but did you listen to me? No. Fine. Just let me hang up the damn phone, would you? Great. Bye."

Xander stretched out one arm and dropped the phone back in the cradle. "Cordelia," he explained unnecessarily, since Spike had been able to hear every word. "We have werewolves in Sunnydale, apparently. Or one werewolf, at least. And we're to meet at the library. Nowish."

Spike just nodded, and crawled out of bed. Xander regarded him with astonishment as the vampire found his jeans and started to get dressed.

"You're actually going to help? Without arguing about it?"

Spike glared at him. "Don't get too used to it. I just don't like werewolves. Give me the creeps, they do. Plus they smell all wonky."

Xander stared at him for a second longer, and then a huge grin spread across his face. He crossed the space between him and Spike in a flash, and wrapped a hug around Spike that would have choked anyone who actually needed to breathe.

"Here now, what's that about?"

Xander pulled back just far enough to grin into Spike's startled eyes. "You're back!"

Spike looked at him as if he'd lost his wits. "Are you daft? I didn't bloody well go anywhere!"

"Well, okay, you didn't go anywhere, but you're Spike again! The Big Bad, William the Bloody, and boy can I say that I'm glad to see you."

"Yeah, yeah, don't rub it in," Spike muttered, but he didn't protest when Xander kissed him. "Let's go hunt the werewolf, yeah?" he said, when they separated again. "Before the Watcher hunts you down and scolds you."

"Heaven forbid I get scolded," Xander said, rolling his eyes, "but you're right. Off to the library we go."

"This should be great fun," Spike muttered under his breath, and Xander obligingly pretended not to hear him.

* * *

"Next time you bring me along," Spike was growling at Xander when they pushed through the doors to the library, "can you get dressed faster so we don't almost have to take the tunnels?" 

"I doubt I could have gotten dressed that fast, since the sun was already up when the phone rang," Xander retorted. "Besides, whose fault is it that I took too long dressing, hmmm?"

Giles cleared his throat before Spike could answer. "Please, spare us all our sanity and leave that unanswered, Spike. Xander, I'm glad you're here. We have a bit of a problem."

"A werewolf, yeah, Cordy told me."

"Well, there's a good chance that the werewolf is actually a student here. It would be useful to identify it before tonight, because then we won't have to hunt it tonight."

"Hunt with what? If it's a normal person the rest of the month, we don't want to kill it, right?"

"Tranquilizer gun," Willow said, very carefully not looking in Xander's direction.

"Excellent idea, Willow. That will incapacitate the best until he or she turns back into their regular selves. With a bit of care, whoever it is can be sure to avoid any unfortunate incidents in the future."

"And that's really great," Xander said, "but how are we supposed to find whoever it is without actually watching them turn into a werewolf?"

* * *

This interview wasn't going as well as Xander had hoped. He'd hoped that he'd be able to smell the werewolf on Larry, but a few minutes in his presence was enough to prove that either werewolf wasn't something you could smell on a person, or Larry wasn't it. 

And less than two minutes later, Xander got to be on the other end of a Heartfelt Confession, and he became sure that whoever the werewolf was, Larry was not it.

"Look," he said. "Being gay is not the end of your life. Plenty of girls think the whole gay thing is too cute for words, and so you're not going to lose your fan club just because you like the male meat."

Larry winced at his phrasing. "It's not that fuckin' simple, man. I'm not worried about what the girls will think. Who the hell cares about them? I'm worried about the way people will look at me. The way my friends will look at me. They'll never talk to me again."

"At least three guys on the football team are bi, at the very least," Xander said. "Not everyone will hate you. Trust me on this."

"How do you know?" Larry demanded.

"All three of them have hit on me in the last month or so," Xander said. "You're in good company."

Larry scowled at him. "So how did they know that you were gay? Did you just come out and tell them, or is there a sign over your head or something?"

"They caught me kissing another guy," Xander said dryly. "It wasn't hard to put two and two together to get sixty-nine." When Larry gaped at him, Xander sighed. "Spike. You'll probably meet the bleached menace sometime or other. In the meantime, I really have to go. Glad we could have this little heart-to-heart."

Well that was a waste, he thought to himself as he made his way back to the library. Always nice to have a little bonding moment with someone who beat you up for years, but he still had no clue who the werewolf was.

Sticking his head into the library, Xander found Spike sitting at a table, reading some large and dusty tome that was undoubtedly about werewolves, a thoroughly rebellious look on his face. Xander wondered how Giles had made him do it, and then wondered if this was going to be enough to convince Giles that Spike wasn't going to kill anyone. If Spike had been going to start killing again, he would have started with Giles for this.

Spike looked up as soon as he heard the door opened, and grinned to see Xander there. "Luv! I knew you'd come and rescue me."

"Larry isn't the werewolf," Xander told Giles. "It's back to square one."

"You're sure?" Giles said. "You and Willow were fairly certain that he was the one."

"I'm sure," Xander said, skirting around the table to lean against the back of Spike's chair. "We had a lovely little heart-to-heart, and I'm very, very sure that he's not the werewolf."

Spike leaned back against Xander's arms, crossed over the back of the chair. "So, Rupes. Where does that leave us?"

"Don't call me that," Giles snapped at Spike, and there was an edge in his voice that told Xander that it wasn't the first time he'd had to given Spike that order. "I'm not sure, exactly. We may just have to wait till the sun sets, and make sure to capture the beast before he can harm anyone."

"Great, the stalk and snatch," Xander said, and sighed. His hand was reflexively smoothing over Spike's stiffly gelled hair, and Spike had leaned back into the touch, his eyes closed. Giles looked at them both sharply, but as far as he could tell Xander wasn't even aware of what he was doing. "Do I call Buffy, or am I enough for the werewolf-hunt?"

"I'd prefer that Buffy do it," Giles said somewhat distantly, still distracted by Xander's absent-minded petting of Spike, and Spike's unabashedly pleased response. At the moment Spike looked like nothing so much as an overgrown cat, enjoying his chosen person's attention. "Which isn't to say that I don't trust your skills, Xander. I just think that the Slayer is better suited to this particular task."

"Sure thing," Xander said easily. "She needs to get out of that house for a little while, anyway. I can watch over Angel for her while she's out a-hunting."

"It's a plan, then," Spike broke in, before Giles could answer. "Xan, we heading home till sunset, then?"

"Can't," Xander said. "Classes that need to be attended and passed. I've skipped enough the past few days as it is. Oh, don't give me that look."

Spike was, indeed, giving him That Look- a slowly forming pout that should be categorized as a lethal weapon in its own right. "But we could-"

"Don't finish that sentence," Giles said sharply. "For my sanity, please just stop talking. Take this discussion somewhere else. Anywhere else, in fact, except this library."

Spike opened his mouth to protest, but Xander grabbed his arm and hauled his arm out of the chair. "C'mon, Bleachboy. Let's continue this elsewhere, alright? We don't want Giles mad at us, remember?"

Xander's voice was particularly intense and it caused Spike to shoot a quick, cautious glance towards Giles. "Right. I'll just be heading home, then, and you can meet me after you're done babysitting the Souled One. I can wait."

Giles realized that he was gaping at Spike, but he wasn't particularly able to control his reaction. Spike? Being altruistic? Or obeying Xander's implicit orders, at least. This was strange indeed.

"Thanks," Xander said softly, and Spike shrugged one shoulder in reluctant acknowledgement. Xander snagged his arm in a strong grip and reeled him in for a soft kiss, which caused Spike to soften the tense lines of his shoulders and back.

The two of them walked out of the library, side by side, without saying anything further to Giles. He leaned back in his chair, pinching the bridge of his nose in a futile attempt to ward off an oncoming headache, and wondered what he was supposed to do now. He'd learned, only yesterday, that Xander was in love with the vampire. But now he knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Spike loved Xander in return. What was he supposed to do with this knowledge? Was there even anything he could do?

Nothing, he decided. Nothing he could do except sit and wait. And watch the two of them very, very closely.

* * *

Angel was awake. Buffy knew he was awake, because the muscles in his back were completely knotted up under her hand when she stroked it soothingly down his back. Angel was determined to pretend that he was asleep, however, so she just sat there and watched him pretend. 

God, this hurt so much. How could he want to kill himself? She got the guilt thing, really she did, but she loved him. She wanted him to live; wasn't that enough?

Apparently not. The only reason he hadn't killed himself yet was because she hadn't left his side for a second. She was starving and exhausted, and when her mom had come out of her drunken stupor long enough to come up and demand answers she'd been so shocked at Buffy's appearance that she'd left without saying a word.

She still smelled like cordite, herbs and burnt flesh, since she hadn't had a chance to shower since the night they'd destroyed the Judge.

She'd been watching over him for almost two full days, now. She needed sleep, and she needed food. She knew that. But more than both of those things, she needed Angel to stop pretending that he was asleep, sit up, and tell her that everything was alright again. That he wouldn't kill himself. That they were going to be okay, and he wasn't going to go away again.

That he loved her.

He did still love her, right? He'd promised her that he would love her forever, till the world ended and the stars fell from the sky. And sure, maybe all guys told that to girls, but when Angel had said it, she'd believed it. She'd believed him, because he'd looked at her, and his gaze had been so tender that she almost lost her breath...

But maybe things were different now. Maybe he blamed her because she'd been the trigger that caused him to lose his soul. Maybe he didn't love her anymore, because he was going through all this agony of guilt, and it was all her fault.

The phone rang, interrupting her unpleasant train of thought. She picked it up without looking to see who it was, guessing rightly that it would be someone calling about the werewolf problem they were all working on.

"Hey Buff. No lead on who the werewolf is, but the sun's almost down, so we need you to do your Slayer thing." Xander sounded cheerful, and she could hear voices in the background.

"Xander, I can't leave Angel."

"I know, Giles told me that he wants to kill himself." Xander's voice was impossibly sympathetic. "I'll come over and watch over him while you hunt he-who-howls-at-moons with Giles' pretty little tranq gun." Buffy didn't say anything, and Xander added, more seriously, "Buffy, you can trust me to keep him in one piece, okay? I won't let him dust himself. Or anything else happen to him, for that matter. We need you to go after the werewolf. I'm strong, you know that, but I'm no match for you, and for this we need the Slayer."

"Alright," she acceded. "You'll come right over?" She couldn't help the anxious tone of her voice.

"Be there as soon as I can."

* * *

Xander was a little irritated. Buffy had met him at the door, and it had taken everything he had to smile and nod and act like she didn't look half-dead. Exhaustion from watching over Angel, no doubt. That and the strained lines around her eyes and mouth could be laid at the vampire's door. And would be, just as soon as Xander got upstairs to give the bastard a piece of his mind. 

Angel ignored his entrance, of course, but Xander hadn't spent all this time with Spike for nothing. He had more patience than anyone, by this point, and he was sure as hell more stubborn than Angel. Angel might be the Grim Brooder- one of Spike's pet nicknames for him- but Xander could control Spike, when need be, and Angel was as nothing to the skills of the Xan-man.

"I know you're awake," Xander said, leaning on the doorframe. He figured that it was safer to stay away from the bed, because if he got to close to Angel and remembered the look on Buffy's face he might just hit him. "And unlike Buffy, I'm not here for a little Tender Loving Care. I will feel no guilt about kicking your ass if you don't open your eyes and look at me in the next five seconds."

He'd counted to four before Angel opened his eyes. Damn.

"What do you want, Xander?" Angel's voice was harsh and rough, most likely from grief and lack of use. Despite himself, Xander felt a twinge of sympathy, but he ruthlessly suppressed it.

"I want to kick your ass, but you opened your eyes, so I'm waiting for a new excuse. No, wait a minute, I don't need one. I got a good look at Buffy on her way out the door. Okay, I can kick your ass now."

Despite his words he didn't move from the doorway, just stood there and gauged the effect of his words on Angel. There was a fresh surge of guilt, he'd expected that, but there wasn't any of the true remorse that he was waiting for. Well, he'd just gotten started.

"She looked like someone ripped her heart out and stomped on it. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"

Angel remained silent. "See, what I'm thinking is this. I'm thinking that some guy broke her heart once, maybe more than once. And I know you know something about that."

"Love her," Angel said hoarsely. He very deliberately didn't look at Xander. "Hurt her. Can't make up for that."

"Sure you can," Xander said. "You could talk to her, apologize for something that, by the way, wasn't really under your control since it wasn't you, it was your evil twin, and tell her that you love her. Of course, you could always do what you've been doing, and wallow in your guilt, threaten to kill yourself, and generally break her heart even worse. Your choice."

"She can't want me. Not after what I did to her."

This time Xander did move from the doorway; he crossed the room to grab Angel's shoulders and shake him. Which would have been harder if he didn't have more-than-human strength, even with Angel's complete and total lack of resistance.

"Angel. Listen to me. She loves you. She wants you. She hasn't been sitting here beside you for the last _two days_ because she thinks you're not worth it. She wants you to be better, and if I know her at all, which I do, she's wondering what she did wrong, and if you even love her anymore."

"Of course I love her. How could I not?" Angel sounded truly puzzled, and Xander called on all the gods he could think of for patience. Jesus Christ, Angel made a lump of granite look wishy-washy.

"Yeah, I get that. But she doesn't, and you haven't exactly been giving her the impression that you care, these past two days. Too wrapped up in your own problems to even realize that the girl you're guilting over is being torn apart because you've got your head up your ass."

Angel looked at him then, really looked at him, and- Praise Jesus- there was the understanding that Xander had been waiting for. "I'm hurting her?"

"Hell yeah, you're hurting her. What did you think you were doing, making things _better?"_

"I didn't think, really," Angel admitted. "I was so sure that she wouldn't want me. I never thought that I'd be hurting her. I never, ever meant to hurt her."

"Well, it's a bit late for that, but you can fix things."

Angel fixed those huge brown eyes on Xander's face, and Xander was reminded why he'd been just a little bit in love with the guy, all those months ago. Pun alert, but his eyes were just so frickin' soulful that you could almost fall into them. He was like a puppy dog with those eyes, the kind of puppy that you never could resist petting.

Thinking of Spike and the way he could almost purr if you treated him right, Xander smiled inwardly. Good thing he was a cat person these days.

"How do I fix things, then?"

"Easy," Xander said. "She'll be back in a while, after she's finished hunting werewolves. Then I'm going to leave, and you and her are going to have a nice long talk. And you're going to apologize for being an asshole, and you're going to _tell her that you love her._ Anything else is window dressing. She wants to be with you, even though you've been a moron, because all those things you said to her, after you lost your soul? They weren't you, and she knows that. They came out of your mouth, and it was your face that smirked at her, but it wasn't the same person, and you'd know that too if you just thought about it for a second. She doesn't care about the things you said right now. She cares that you've been suffering, and you won't let her help you. She's putting her own pain aside to try and deal with yours, and you haven't been making it easy on her because you haven't been letting anyone deal with it, much less yourself."

Angel stared at him for a long moment, then nodded. "I can do that."

"Well good." Xander grinned at him and sat down on the side of the bed. "Now that that's out of the way, you're going to love hearing about what happened recently. Especially with Spike."

"Spike?" He had a vague memory, running away from the explosion behind him, and seeing Spike and Xander standing side by side in front of the Old Navy store before the tranq dart hit him and blackness overtook him. Xander grinned wider, and Angel suddenly realized that the smell all over Xander was an interesting combination of sex and Spike. "You and Spike-"

Xander nodded. "Did you know he helped us save the world?"

Angel set aside the extremely confusing thought of Spike and Xander together, and traded it for the even more confusing one of Spike doing something helpful. "What? How?"

"He was the one who translated the gypsy curse for you to get your soul back, and helped us with the Judge."

"Spike helped?"

"Even more than that, he's been researching."

The mind boggled. Spike, with books? Spike _reading_? Voluntarily? "You're kidding."

Xander shook his head gleefully. "Giles managed to press him into werewolf-research today."

"And Giles is still alive?"

"Yep."

Angel stared at him. "I think you should start at the beginning."

"Well, you remember when Impata the mummy girl made her appearance? Right around then, he started stalking me, and-"

* * *

Xander was waiting for her with a smile on his face when Buffy trudged up the steps. "Did you get the werewolf?" 

"Yeah," she said. "He's locked up in the cage in the library. Giles and Willow are watching over him right now."

"Do you know who he is?"

"He changed right in front of Willow," Buffy said. "She went to Oz's house to talk to him, and-"

"Oz?" Xander interrupted her. "Man. If I'd pegged anyone for being the least likely to be a werewolf, it would be Oz."

"Guess it just goes to show that personality has nothing to do with getting bitten, huh?" Buffy glanced at the half-open door to her bedroom. "How is he?"

"Go in and see for yourself," Xander said. "But give me a hug first?"

She was baffled, but she gave him a half-hearted hug. She gave and undignified squeak of surprise when he scooped her off her feet and spun her around, holding her much tighter than she'd held him.

"What was that for?" she said breathlessly when he set her down.

He gave her a satisfied little grin. "My hug was because I deserved it. Your hug was because you looked like you need one. Now go talk to Angel. I'm heading home."

He brushed past her and made his way silently down the steps without another word, and she stared after him, mouth just a little agape. Was it just her, or was he getting weirder?

Figuring that it wasn't going to get any easier if she put it off, she turned and opened the door to see how Angel was doing.

And stopped dead when she saw him sitting up, eyes open, and looking at her a little uncertainly.

"You're... awake," she said, and winced as soon as it was out of her mouth. Jeez, Buffy, you can do better than that.

"Yeah," he said.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, because it was her next thought, and was surprised by the tiny smile he gave her. He _smiled._

"I guess Xander was right."

Was it just her brain that was unable to keep up, or was this conversation, such as it was, really making no sense? "You talked to Xander?"

"Yeah. He said that I had my head up my ass."

Right. Making no sense. And she'd have to kill Xander later. "Why did he say that?" she asked, keeping her voice nice and calm.

"Because I haven't told you how much I love you."

Okay. Now she had to sit down. She half-collapsed on the bed, and blinked a few times, just to make sure that she was really awake, and not delirious from exhaustion. "Ah... did Xander have any other pearls of wisdom to share?"

"He told me that I was just hurting you more. That you were worried about me. That I was wrong to think that you didn't want to be with me, and that you were worried that I didn't want you, didn't love you. Was he right?"

"Yeah," she said dazedly. Then her mind caught up with the rest of her, and she blurted out, "How could you think that I wouldn't want to be with you anymore?"

"All the things I said to you," Angel said seriously. "I never meant them. It wasn't me. But I said them. I wanted you off-balance, distracted, so I could end the world. I couldn't understand how you could forgive me for that." He paused. "How could you think that I didn't love you anymore?"

"I- I was the one who caused you to lose your soul. If we hadn't done the things we did, you never would have had to suffer all the guilt that you did. It was my fault. I thought you'd hate me for it."

"It wasn't your fault, Buffy," Angel said, shocked. "It wasn't your fault at all. Neither of us could have known what would have happened. I could never hate you. There's nothing in the world I can't forgive you for." She glanced away, and he reached out and touched her chin, making sure that she looked at him. "I love you more than life itself, Buffy. You were wrong to think that I didn't want you. I'll want you when I'm dust in the wind, when the world goes up in flames around us. I'll want you forever."

She looked at him with a tremulous smile and curled her hands around his larger one. "Then it looks like we were both wrong," she said shakily. "Because I love you. I want to be with you. Nothing else matters."

"Nothing," he agreed, and tugged carefully on her hands until she came to him. He wrapped his arms around her, and held her against him as if he would never hold her again. "We're forever."

"Forever," she said, and laid her head against his chest.

* * *

Spike was waiting for him when he got home, like he'd promised. He paused in the doorway and just basked in the sight of Spike, sitting cross-legged in the middle of his bed, wearing only a pair of jeans, with a genuine smile on his face. 

This was a welcome that he could get used to.

And wasn't that just the problem? He could get used to it. So easily. And though he knew that he belonged to Spike, he had no hopes that he'd be able to hold Spike for long.

"Buffy bagged the werewolf," Xander said finally, in response to Spike's unspoken question. "And I gave Angel a little talking-to. I think he and Buff are on the mend again."

"And what about you, luv?" Spike asked. "You look all worn out."

"I'm not that tired," Xander protested, but he didn't put up a fight when Spike uncoiled his lean body from the bed and grabbed his wrist, pulling him over to the bed. "I'd just like a little down time, you know? Time to settle a little bit, without some fresh crisis getting in the middle of things."

"Know what you mean, pet," Spike said, as he pulled off Xander's boots and started on the buttons of his shirt. "If it's not one thing with you lot, it's another."

Shirt off, Xander acceded to Spike's nudges and stretched out on the bed in his jeans. "That's the truth," he said with a sigh. "Cost of living on the Hellmouth, I suppose."

"Things are a bit livelier here than they are elsewhere," Spike agreed. "Here now, roll over."

"Why?" Xander said, but he rolled over anyway.

"Want to check your back, see how it's healing."

Xander stretched a little, to feel how the cuts tightened his skin. "Feel like they've closed over."

"Have. Should be healed proper in a day or two."

"They'll scar, right?"

"Should," Spike said, and nudged his shoulder till he rolled back over onto his side, facing Spike. "Though you know a bit more about it than me, I suspect, with it being your body and all."

"Probably will scar," Xander agreed, his eyes drifting closed despite his desire for them to remain open, so he could look at Spike. "You can always do it again if it starts to fade."

Xander felt the sudden and total tension in the body next to his and cursed inwardly as he opened his eyes again. "Sorry," he blurted, when he saw Spike studying him with a blank expression. "I didn't mean to expect that you'd be hanging around or anything. Just a figure of speech."

"Oh, I'll be around," Spike said grimly. "You really want it to scar?"

Ah. So that was why Spike was all Tension Man. "Yeah," Xander said cautiously. "I'm yours. I told you that already, and I meant it. I want to wear your name. I still think a nice dog collar would be cute, but I like this. It's you all over. And this way anyone who sees it will know that I belong to you."

Spike made a low sound in his throat and almost crushed Xander with his grip. "Fucking right you're mine," Spike said fiercely. "Always gonna be mine. Rest of your life and you'll belong to no one but me."

"Even when you're gone," Xander agreed, then paused when he felt tension invade Spike's frame again. "What did I say this time?"

"Gone?" Spike asked. "You think I'm going somewhere?"

Xander twitched one shoulder in a shrug. "Can't imagine how you'd stay around," he said, carefully keeping his voice level. "Got nothing to hold you here."

"You're sodding wrong about that," Spike snapped, and his eyes shot fire at Xander. "I've got you. Christ. I thought you'd've gotten that by now. I stayed with Dru for well over a century, till the day she was dust, in fact. What makes you think that I'm going to be leaving you any sooner?"

Xander stared at him. "You mean it," he said wonderingly. "You really mean to stay."

"Bloody right I mean to stay. Think I'll take off and let you and your bloody Scoobies get yourselves killed? Not fucking likely."

Xander leaned in and kissed him, slow and soft and so unlike anything that had ever been between them that Spike stilled. "I love you," Xander said softly. "I can't imagine how things are going to work between us, what with you being evil and my best friend being the Slayer, but I love you."

"We'll work things out," Spike said. "I think she's a stupid bint who needs to have her arse kicked, but you like her with her intestines where they are, so I'll leave off."

Xander huffed a laugh. "Plus you know she'll kick your ass," he said with a grin.

"Bloody well would not!"

"As you say," Xander said, clearly placating him, and Spike glared at him for a moment. Then he sighed.

"I know it's not gonna be easy for you with your mates, luv," he said. "That's why I'm going to stop killing."

"You- what?" Xander wasn't sure he'd heard that right. "You're going to stop killing? But- you're a vampire. Killing is what you do. And you love it. You used to torture people with railroad spikes and stuff, and-"

"You're babbling, love," Spike cut him off with a grin. "Yeah. I love it, and it's what I do, but it's not the only way to unlive. The Poof gets on well enough with pig's blood, and I imagine I can survive. I want you. And I know I can't have you unless I'm not killing, 'cause your mate the Slayer will introduce me to a sharp piece of wood otherwise."

Xander could only gape. This was... huge. He wasn't even sure he could get his mind around it. "Are you sure?" he asked. "Because, hey, that's great, and I'd kinda hoped you'd say that because even though I'd love you even if you got dusted I would hate to have live without the sex and everything, but I wasn't going to ask because, well, it's a hell of a lot to ask."

"Yeah it is, but yeah, I'm sure," Spike said, and kissed him. "Now shut up, and go to sleep."

Xander pushed himself up on one elbow and grinned down into Spike's face. "Oh, I think I can think of something more important than sleeping," he said, and kissed him.

* * *

This story is officially on hiatus. I know that alot of people are really enjoying it, but I'm having trouble with the next chapter and there are alot of short stories and ficlets that I'm working on, and I'd like to finish those before I come back to this. Don't worry, because I will come back to this, and within a month or two if I can, but I'm not going to be updating with quite the same regularity. I have another nine chapters planned, with the end of the story taking place right after Graduation, and they will be written. Just not right now.

Thank you so much, everyone, for all the feedback you've given me on this story. It's been wonderful knowing that there are people out there that enjoy my humble scribblings.

Sorrel


	12. With All My Soul

**Chapter Twelve: With All My Soul.** Ghosts of two dead lovers haunt the halls of Sunnydale High School, while Spike and Xander battle it out over the lack of Spike's soul.

Notes: This turned out to center much, much more on the Buffy-Xander friendship than I'd meant for it to. But I enjoyed writing it, so I don't care. And there's plenty of Spander stuff later.

* * *

Notes the Second: Obviously, this isn't on hiatus anymore, but I will be posting the final eight chapters very, very slowly, as I have about a million other projects I'm working on. But this chapter, which, except for one and a half pages, was written all in one sitting, is for everyone who reviewed and told me that they wanted more. Smooches to all of you.

It was just another night at the Shady Rest Cemetery in Sunnydale, California. It was dark, and peaceful, and the quiet was broken only by the sound of two teenage voices.

"So your mom still isn't dealing well with the whole Slayer thing?"

"It's been two weeks! She finally accepted that I am the Slayer, and that I can't get away from _that_, but she gives me this _look_ every time I leave the house at night. I tried going out the window like I used to, but she came up to my room when I was out and freaked out about that when I got home. She tries to be with me every moment of the day, and looks horribly hurt when I'm not interested in mom-time. I love her, but she's _smothering_ me!"

"Is she still drinking?"

"No. Thankfully, she stopped that, at least. But Xander, what am I supposed to do about her? I don't want to hurt her or anything, but lately it seems like I'm doing anything but."

"It seems to me like it's just one of those things that will only resolve itself with time," Xander said. "Besides, why are you coming to me for advice about your mom? I don't even talk to mine."

"Well, I would talk to Willow, but she's still pissed at you, and so is determinedly spending all her time with Oz. Giles said the same thing you did. And Angel, well, he's not exactly a go-to guy for problems right now."

"You took him off of suicide watch, though, didn't you? He told me that you finally let him leave the house and go back to his apartment."

"Yeah, I trust him not to kill himself now. Mind you, he's not always happy and healthy, but he won't walk into the sunlight or something."

"And if he tries, Spike can always kick his ass. He'll even enjoy it."

"Spike?"

Xander glanced over at her. "You hadn't heard? Angel went back to his apartment, freaked out, and decided that he couldn't live there anymore. He's moving into that old abandoned mansion on Crawford Street that Spike claimed for his own. Spike threw a hissy fit about it, but he gave in and Angel's moving in tonight."

"I was wondering why your lesser half wasn't here tonight. Usually he's here to make sure that I, the evil Slayer, don't get you killed even though you can handle yourself perfectly well." Pause. "Hissy fit? Spike throws hissy fits?"

"In his own Spikey way, yeah. There was lots of cursing, plenty of drinking, and eventually sex." Xander grinned. "I like it when Spike throws a hissy fit."

She snorted. "Oh please. Like you don't get laid more than is at all fair." Another pause. "I don't suppose you'll tell me any of the really good details, will you?"

"Buffy!"

"Well, it's not like I'm getting any," she said with a pout. "Not only is Angel seriously avoiding me when I let him- which is never, in case you're wondering- but I can't sleep with him or he turns evil. Wreaks hell on a girl's love life, you know?"

"I'm not telling you any juicy details," he said firmly. Then, after a moment, he grinned wickedly and said, "You can imagine perfectly well for yourself, I bet."

She stuck her tongue out at him, and they walked for a while in silence. Finally Buffy said, "How are things between you and Spike, anyway?"

He sighed. "I don't know. I'm starting to miss the halcyon days when we were just fucking."

"Oh, come on. It can't be that bad. You love him. You told me you do."

"Oh, I know I love him. That part is... well, not easy, but easier. It's the rest of it that's complicated."

"The part where he's an evil, bloodsucking fiend?"

"Yeah. That part. He's promised not to kill anymore, and so far he's kept his word, but how can I trust him? He doesn't have a conscience. All he has is an idea of what I don't like. And while I know he meant it when he promised, I can't be sure that he won't slip sometime in the heat of the moment and be apologetic afterwards. If he doesn't just hide the body and lie."

Buffy arched an eyebrow as she looked over at him. "And I thought my love life was complicated."

"Yeah, but at least I get to have sex," he retorted, and in retaliation she smacked him on the shoulder, hard enough to make him stagger.

"Jesus! Watch the Slayer strength, will you?"

"You're all super-Xander, you can take it."

"Yeah, but it _hurts,"_ he complained, cupping one hand protectively over his shoulder where she hit him. "You really pack a punch there, Buff."

She shrugged and tried to look guilty. "You'll survive."

He was about to say something- or possibly hit her on the shoulder to see how she liked it- but just then he saw a shadowy figure pop out from behind a tree and approach them, grinning through his fangs. Xander tapped Buffy's shoulder to get her attention and pointed. "Hey Buff- vamp alert."

"Damn, and here I thought I'd actually be able to go home without dusting one tonight," she said with a sigh. Xander leaned against a nearby headstone, arms crossed over his chest, and watched critically as she ducked the vampire's first clumsy swing, then pummeled him for a couple of minutes before finally staking him.

Buffy came back over to him, not even out of breath, already tucking her stake back into the back pocket of her jeans. "I think I'm done for the night," she told him. "You wanna head home?"

"Sure," he said easily. "See you tomorrow?"

"You know it," she said, and slapped him on the shoulder again, more gently this time, before wandering off towards the South entrance. Xander made his way towards the North entrance and his house, whistling tunelessly to himself, thinking about Buffy's mom and if there was anything that he could do to ease the situation.

In the shadows, just far enough that Xander couldn't sense his presence, Spike watched him walk away and growled a little to himself. Xander shouldn't be going to that... _place,_ with those _people._ Those vicious fucks that he called parents. He should be coming home with Spike.

But he wasn't, and nothing Spike could say would change his mind. He'd moved into the mansion a couple days after making his promise to Xander, and had spent the last week and a half trying to convince his lover to move in with him, with absolutely no luck. Xander refused to budge, and wouldn't even tell him why.

Tonight he'd gotten here just in time to know that his boy had been talking to the Slayer about him, but not in time to hear what was said. So, unless he wanted to swallow his pride and go to the Slayer for help- and Hell would freeze over first- he'd just have to figure it out on his own.

Feeling better now that he'd decided on a plan of action, he started walking out of the cemetery. Maybe he could go up into Angel's rooms and bother his Sire- the sod had moved into his home, which, in Spike's eyes, gave him the right to annoy Angel every chance he got. Not that he didn't do that anyway.

Whistling much as Xander had, he headed for home.

* * *

It was an average morning in Sunnydale- bright and sunny, with birds singing, and students shouting cheerfully as they poured out of buses and cars and into the school. Xander lurked in the shadows near the front doors, waiting for Buffy to show up and feeling very glad that he'd finally surrendered to his abused eyes and bought a pair of sunglasses. Xander was very much a nocturnal person these days, and his eyes had adjusted accordingly.

It was just a minute or so later when he saw Buffy walking up the steps- accompanied by Willow. They were talking- or rather Willow was talking, very fast and intense, and Buffy was listening, her face set in an unreadable expression. Xander got ready to duck away and leave them to it, but then he saw Willow glance up, see him there- and very deliberately turn away, saying something that was probably a goodbye to Buffy and walking away, angling off across the grass so she wouldn't have to pass anywhere near him to enter the school.

Buffy sighed, heavily enough that Xander could see it from twenty feet away, and closed the distance between them. "I'm guessing you didn't miss that little byplay."

"Nope," he said. "She still hates me, I take it?"

"Not so much hate as..." Buffy trailed off, searching for a different word.

"Hate," Xander supplied. "Not that I blame her. I did lie to her."

"I know, but you'd think she'd get over it," Buffy said. "If I can deal, she can deal. Spike was my mortal enemy, after all."

"She's afraid," Xander said. Buffy looked at him sharply. "I'm not the same person I was, and now she knows it. Before, she could look at me going toe-to-toe with you or Angel and pretend that I'm just stronger, but still the same Xander. Now she knows that I'm not the same person at all, and she's afraid of who I am now. In addition, she trusts Spike about as far as she can throw him, and she'll always be afraid of him, and his hold on me."

Buffy was silent for a minute before saying, "That's amazingly insightful for someone who hasn't even spoken to her since the last apocalypse."

He shrugged. "I know Willow," he said. "We've been friends since birth, practically. I don't have to talk to her to know what she's thinking."

Buff y sighed and leaned against the wall next to her. "Nothing's ever simple, is it?"

"Oh hell no. Think how boring life would be if it was."

"I think I can live with a little boring," she said with a smile. "In fact, I could live with a whole hell of a lot of normal."

"Yeah, you got a point there." Xander tilted his head towards the door. "We should probably head in."

Buffy nodded an agreement, so they both grabbed their bags and went inside. Xander folded up his shades and tucked them away as soon as they were out of the bright California sunshine, and Buffy smirked at him.

"You're such a hottie with those shades on, you know. Lounging there against the wall, dressed all in black, looking like every girl's wet dream..."

Xander rolled his eyes. "Why do I talk to you?" he asked rhetorically. Buffy ignored him.

"I mean, if it weren't for the fact that the whole school knows that you're gay, you'd have girls swarming all over you." She paused, considered. "Actually, now that I think about it, why don't you have boys swarming all over you?"

"They know I'm taken," Xander said. "The swarming happened last week- you know, when you were out for a couple days for mom-time? I was joking about it to Spike, and the very next day he came to school through the sewers, and by the end of the day the whole school knew that I had a boyfriend." Xander shrugged. "So now I am swarm-free."

"You sound less than sorry," Buffy said. "I take it you didn't like the attention?"

"I wasn't interested in any of them, because c'mon, how could they measure up to Spike? So after a little bit it was annoying. It's nice to have some quiet for a change."

"Look at Xander, jaded from all the attention from cute boys," Buffy teased. "It's really funny sometimes, you know?"

"Yeah, I know." He sent her a wry glance. "Trust me, I surprise myself every time I look in the mirror. Even now. It takes getting used to, when your life is suddenly different."

"Now that is a topic I know really well," she said. "Getting your life turned upside down? I'm practically an expert on it."

"Well, I'm catching up with you there." He paused in front of the door to the library. "Hey, I'm gonna go in and check up with Giles. See you in English?"

"You know it," she said, and waved to him and she sauntered off down the hall.

Xander pushed the door open to the library, only to see Mrs. Calendar pulling away from a blushing Giles. Xander ducked his chin to hide his smirk, and pointedly looked at the ceiling while Giles stuttered out a goodbye, and Mrs. Calendar left the library.

"So," Xander said as soon as he knew she was out of earshot. "You two made up, I take it?"

"Yes," Giles muttered, still embarrassed. "We settled our differences."

"I could see that," Xander teased, but he was smiling. "Over the whole thing with Angel's soul and her not telling anyone till she had to?"

"Yes, that," Giles said with some asperity, and Xander sighed, because Giles was back to normal. "We argued, and then we-"

"Were kissing madly? There's a lot of that going around," Xander said. "Don't worry. You're in good company."

Giles sent him an odd sideways glance. "I assume you're referring to your- vampire."

Xander didn't miss the disapproval in Giles' tone, but he did ignore it. "Spike, yeah. Whoever knew that arguing could be foreplay?" Giles winced as expected at the thought of sex and Spike combined, and Xander laughed, his goal accomplished. "Sorry. I'm done, I promise. I actually came in here to see if anything-"

_A teacher, dressed in long skirts and a neat blouse, hair done up in- what was the style? Something fifties, sixties? A student, wearing khakis and a letterman jacket. Talking to each other, nose-to-nose, intense. A kiss. A hungry embrace-_

"-weird was going on. Holy shit, did you see that?"

"See what, exactly?" Giles was giving him that look, the one he gave you when you did something incomprehensible to him, and he wasn't sure if you were in your right mind or not.

"The scene changed. Just switched, right while I was talking, and there were two people here- a student and a teacher. By the clothes and the hair, I'm guessing fifties. They were talking, and then they were kissing, and then it was back in this time and place and I was finishing my sentence. So, weird?"

"Definitely odd, yes," Giles said, and he already sounded distracted, like he was going through a mental filing index as he spoke. "It sounds like a type of ghostly manifestation. Perhaps it's- Good Lord!"

"It's Good Lord? Not quite what I was expecting."

Giles gave him an impatient glance. "Last night I was working late, and interrupted a passionate argument between a teacher and a janitor. They seemed to be having a lover's quarrel of some sort, and just as I arrived on the scene the janitor pulled out a gun and aimed it at the teacher. I knocked it out of his hand, of course, but the odd thing is that as soon as it left his hand, it disappeared. In addition to that, when I turned and asked him what in God's name he was thinking, he didn't remember a moment of it, and when I told him what he'd said and almost done, both he and the teacher vehemently denied any sort of romantic liaison. Do you think that perhaps-"

"They could be the couple I saw in my vision, or whatever it was? Yeah, it feels right. The question now is, who are they, and what do they want?"

* * *

Hours later, Buffy poked her head into the library, looking for Xander. "Xan, you missed English, so I was wondering what-" She stopped when she spotted Xander sitting at the table, surrounded by heaps of Gilesian tomes, newspapers yellowed with age, and what looked like yearbooks. "Hell. Is it something I need to slay?"

"Ghosts, Buff," Xander said absently, turning the pages of one of the tomes. "We figured out the who, and possibly the why, but we're having issues with the how."

Buffy sighed and slumped down into the seat across the table from him, letting her bag slide to the floor. "You're going to have to explain it a little better than that for the Slayer who's been out of the loop."

Xander looked up from the book. "Two ghosts are manifesting, and not in a harmless way, either. A teacher was almost killed last night."

"And still that tells me next to nothing useful."

"I'm getting there. We figured out that they're the ghosts of two lovers- a teacher and her student from the fifties. I found here-" he lifted up one of the newspapers, "-that the student, James, got into a fight with his lover when she tried to leave him, and shot her. Then, in remorse, he went into the music room and shot himself. Big scandal, big tragedy."

"Yikes," she said. "So which one is it? Or is it both of them?"

"It's James, as far as we can tell. He's trying to right the wrongs he did forty years ago. Or maybe just be forgiven. Who knows? Either way, it's not exactly working out, and people are going to get killed if we don't stop him. I'm currently looking for exorcisms, but there's surprisingly few that deal with a ghost with this sort of power. Most are for routine hauntings. It might be easier said than done to get rid of a ghost of this caliber."

"Not good," Buffy said. "So what do you want me to do?"

"Can you use the computer? It's usually Willow's job, but-"

"But she's not exactly in the Scooby mode," Buffy finished. "Yeah, sure. Anything's gotta be better than books." She went over to the computer and sat down.

"Just don't go googling for hot boys," Xander called over to her, and she flipped him off cheerfully before settling down to work.

* * *

Xander trudged home, exhaustion in every line of his body. They'd finally found a spell that Giles thought would work, and the three of them, along with Mrs. Calendar for her mad techno pagan skills and Cordelia because she was there, had tried to perform the exorcism at midnight. Only the ghost hadn't exactly appreciated it, and had lashed out badly enough that they were now completely blocked out of the school by a massive swarm of buzzing bees. So by Xander's count, they had not only failed, they'd crashed and burned. Ghost: 1, Scoobies: 0.

He caught a brief flash of white hair in the shadows to his left and came to a halt, sighing to himself. He didn't have the energy for this tonight. He guessed that Spike wanted to have a talk instead of sex- Spike had become less and less subtle over the past couple of weeks about trying to get Xander to move in with him, and Xander had so far refused. He'd also refused to explain why, and he suspected that Spike had finally run through his limited supply of patience and was about to demand that Xander tell him what was going on.

"Xan? I need to talk to you."

Could he call it or what?

"Yeah, I figured." He left the road and crossed the grassy lawn till he joined Spike under the tree near the gate to the cemetery. "Shoot."

"Why won't you move? In with me, I mean. You keep saying no and you won't even tell me why so we can't even argue about it."

There was a pout in Spike's voice, and as always Xander felt himself wanting to melt a little inside. He resisted, though.

"Do we have to do this tonight? It's been a long day."

"Yes, we fucking well do," Spike said with a burst of anger. "I think I deserve the soddin' _truth_, Xan. You owe me that much, if nothing else."

Oh, lovely. A guilt trip. Who knew that vampires without souls knew how to do them?

"You want the truth? Fine, I'll tell you why. It's because I can't trust you."

Silence stretched taut between them, broken by Spike's deadly soft whisper. "What was that?"

"You heard me. I said it's because I can't trust you." Xander knew it was useless to get mad. But he couldn't seem to help it.

"You can't trust me? Fuck you, Xan. I gave up killing for you, and this is what you hit me with? You can't _trust_ me? I thought you loved me."

"I do. The two emotions don't necessarily go hand in hand." Pause. "And you promised to give up killing, yeah. How do I know you'll keep your word? You don't have anything to hold you to it."

"I have you, you fucking git! As if I'd ever do anything to hurt you!" Spike paused, as if realizing something. "Oh, I know what you're talking about now. I don't have a soul. That's what it all boils down to, isn't it? I'm not good enough because I don't have a soul. Like I can't love you without one."

"You've never gone out of your way to actually, you know, _tell_ me that you love me," Xander snapped. "How the hell am I supposed to know? I don't fucking well read minds! And yeah, while we're at it, it's because you don't have a soul. You don't have a _conscience._ You don't understand the difference between right and wrong. You might intend to keep your word, and you might be sorry afterwards if you slip up, but that won't make the people any less dead. The very fact that you can't even understand why I feel this way just proves my point!"

"It doesn't prove a fucking thing! You've just got this wild hair up your ass, and now you're acting like some hysterical chit!"

"Fuck you, Spike! _And_ the horse you rode in on!"

"That'd be you, pet, or had you forgotten already?"

Xander let out a wordless noise of frustration that Spike would later liken to the sound of a teakettle with steam escaping, and clenched his fists. "I don't know why I fucking bothered," he said venomously. "The first time we have any sort of problem, you turn right back into Spike, the Big Bad, destroyer of mankind and kicker of puppies. Fuck, if you understood me half as well as you think you do, you'd know why I'm upset. But you don't. And that's why I can't trust you. So you know what, Spike? Fuck off. I don't need this tonight."

"Maybe I don't need you," Spike shot at him. "Hell, I'm not sure I even want you. Fuck you, I'm outta here. Don't know why I bothered with you in the first place."

And while Xander stood there, staring in shock, Spike whirled on his heels and stormed out off into the night.

* * *

"Can you believe him?" Xander demanded to Buffy. "He just walked off. Didn't stay and fight it out, just... walked off. Can you believe that bastard?"

"Not really," Buffy said frankly. "It's kind of hard to take Spike seriously, truth be told. C'mon, Xander, he was just being an asshole. You know he's gonna track you down tomorrow to finish duking it out and then you'll have wild monkey sex. Isn't that what you two do?"

"Yeah, but he was being... I dunno. It was different tonight, Buff. I can tell the difference between arguing for the sake of argument and arguing because you mean it. We meant it. _He_ meant it." Xander slumped dejectedly back on the couch.

He'd gone straight to Buffy's after his little scene with Spike, and found her there alone with her mom. More mom-time, he presumed, but knowing the way Buffy felt about it, he felt little guilt for barging in to rant about Spike. From the relieved look on Buffy's face, he guessed that she felt much the same.

The phone started ringing, but Buffy made no move to answer it. "C'mon, Xan, you know it'll work out. He really cares about you. Hell, even Angel says so."

"Really?" Xander said, perking up a little bit.

"Really," she said, then cursed when the phone kept ringing. "Hold on, let me get that." She went off to the kitchen, muttering, "Guess mom doesn't think answering the phone is a big deal anymore."

Xander slumped back into the couch cushions again, and tried to empty his brain. It didn't work. He couldn't stop thinking about Spike.

And then there was a voice calling him, and the only thing he could think to do was follow.

Buffy came back into the living room a few minutes later, saying, "That was Giles. He thinks he found something about-"

But Xander was gone.

* * *

"Can you believe him?" Spike demanded to Angel. "I gave up everything for him, and now he's rabbitting on about me not having a soul so he can't trust me or some shit."

Angel, who was sitting on the couch in the living room, patiently listening as Spike paced back and forth furiously and ranted, personally thought that Xander had a point, but knew better than to actually say so when Spike was in this sort of mood.

Spike stopped and threw his hands up in frustration. "He's just so- fucking- something, I don't know. I love the little bastard and he throws shit like that in my face. Not like it's my damn fault that I don't have a soul."

Angel, since he liked his hide intact, remained silent.

Spike resumed pacing again. "I want to be with him. But if he's going to be acting like this then-"

He paused, and the pause stretched on long enough that Angel felt it safe to say, "Then?"

Spike's face looked like he'd found religion. "Then nothing," Spike said wonderingly. "I want to be with him anyway. Despite this shit. Despite everything." His expression was one that Angel had honestly never seen before- a slow, sweet smile that was more innocent than any vampire had the right to be. "In fact, I think I'll go tell him that."

Angel opened his mouth to say something- agree, disagree, anything- but Spike was already gone.

* * *

He'd walked into the school, and the wasps had parted before him like Moses and the Red Sea. The buzzing mass closed up again behind him, but what did he care of such things, when someone was calling him, someone he had to go to.

James' voice whispered loud in his ears, in his mind, and without thought he made his way through the halls his feet had trod a thousand times before until he was there. _There,_ the place where it had happened, and all he needed, all that _James_ needed, was his love. Miss Newman.

The woman that he killed.

* * *

It was an easy matter to track Xander. He'd started from the Summers house, and just followed his nose right up to the high school.

It was equally easy to get inside. Wasps didn't like the undead, and parted for him as easily as they must have parted for Xander. And then it was just a few more halls, a few more moments until he turned a corner and saw Xander, standing with his back to Spike, absolutely still.

"If you thought wasps were gonna keep me away from you, you've got another think comin'," Spike growled. "I found you, now let's finish our fight."

"You're the only one," Xander murmured. "The only person I can talk to."

Spike cocked his head, confused. "Not exactly the response I was expecting, but okay."

Xander whirled around, and there was something slightly hysterical in his face, in his eyes. "You can't make me disappear just because you say it's over!"

"What? Never wanted you to fucking _disappear,_ Xan. And you should've known I didn't mean it back there. I'm here, aren't I?" He took several steps closer, till they were just inches apart. And then it changed.

"I just want you to be able to have some kind of a normal life," said Spike/Miss Newman. "We can never have that, don't you see?"

"I don't give a damn about a normal life! I'm goin' crazy not seein you. I think about you every minute."

Spike reached out, cupped one hand over James'/Xander's jaw. "I know," he whispered. Xander's hand came up to cover his, and then he was sliding his hand away, and walking away. "But it's over. It has to be."

Xander raced after him, grabbed his arms and turned him around. "Come back here! We're not finished." Xander shook him, once, hard. "You don't care anymore, is that it?"

"It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter what I _feel,_" Spike choked out.

Another hard shake. "Then tell me you don't love me!" And another. "Say it!"

"Is that what you need to hear?" Spike asked softly, between sobbing breaths. "Would that help?" He shook his head helplessly. "I don't. Now let me go."

"No." Xander's voice was choked, and his eyes were fever-bright with tears and rage and grief. "A person doesn't just wake up and stop loving somebody!" He reached behind him and pulled out a gun, childishly gleeful at the shock in Spike's eyes when he leveled it at Spike's forehead with a shaking hand.

"Love," he said, "is forever."

The moment was frozen, and Spike took a cautious half step back, and the gun shook a little more as Xander said, "I'm not afraid to use it, I swear! If I can't be with you-"

"Oh my god," Spike said, and turned and ran, short, hitching steps that were nothing like his usual loping gait.

"Don't walk away from me, bitch!" Xander screamed, but Spike kept running, down the hall and out the door as Xander chased after him, yelling, "Stop it!" and again, "Stop it, don't make me!" as Spike came to a halt at the balcony, Xander behind him with the gun still pointed, waveringly, at his back.

Spike turned, slowly, hands held up in defense and supplication. "Alright," he said. "Just- you know you don't want to do this. Let's both just- calm down. Now give me the gun."

"Don't," Xander snarled, gesturing with the barrel of the gun for emphasis. "Don't. Don't do that, damn it! Don't talk to me like I'm some stupid k-"

And the gun went off.

Spike looked down at his chest, and one hand came up to press against the bleeding hole. He looked up at Xander, who had slowly lowered the gun, and stared at him with wide, shocked eyes. "James," he whispered, and then fell.

The next few moments were a blur to Xander. He walked back into the school, and then into the music room. An old record player was there, with a record already on, and with careful, shaking hands he turned it on and lifted the needle into the first groove.

"My love must be a kind of blindness," drifted out of the speakers, and Xander stared into the mirror, seeing James' wide, wet eyes and tear-streaked cheeks instead of his own. "I can't see anyone but you."

Slowly, he lifted the gun towards his temple.

And then there was a hand on his own, stopping his movement, and he whirled around to see Spike standing there, his hair and skin so brilliantly pale in the soft moonlight coming in from the windows. "Grace?" he whispered, and Spike gripped his hand tighter.

"Don't do this," Spike whispered, and Xander let his breath out on a sob.

"But I killed you."

"It was an accident," Spike said. "It wasn't your fault."

Xander looked up into Spike's eyes and said, breathlessly, sobbing, "It is my fault, how could I-"

Spike's fingers on his lips silenced him. "Shh," Spike said. "I'm the one who should be sorry, James. You thought I stopped loving you, but I never did. I loved you with my last breath." Another sob exploded from Xander's lungs, and Spike lifted a gentle hand to cup his wet cheek. "Shh," he said again. "No more tears."

And then they were kissing.

It was so good, just as it always was. This was one thing they had never had problems with, and it was a kiss filled with the passion of two lovers denied each other for four decades.

Unnoticed by either of them, light began to gather around them, streaming upwards. The light swirled together into a burst of light, and then was gone.

Both of them were slow to pull away, and when they did they just leaned into each other for a moment, resting their foreheads together. "Spike?" Xander whispered finally. "Are you-"

"I came here for you, pet," Spike said, equally softly. "Ranted a bit to Angel, and realized that there wasn't anyone I wanted more than you. Anything I wouldn't do to keep you. I love you, Xander Lavelle Harris, and if a soul is what it takes to get you to trust me, then a soul I'll get."

Xander pulled away completely at that. He stared at Spike, a sort of shocked wonder in his eyes. "Love me?" he said faintly. "You do?"

"Yeah, pet," Spike said, and pulled him back, not liking any sort of distance between then just then. "I love you." Pause. "And did you miss the bit about the soul?"

Xander grinned at him and kissed him on the forehead. "Oh hell no," he said. "But- are you sure? I mean, I wouldn't want you to-"

"I'm sure," Spike said, before he could finish the sentence. "I'm very damned sure. More sure than sure can be, even. Can you do it?"

Xander thought about it for a minute. "We'd have to find another Orb of Thessula," he said, considering. "And we'd have to get Willow to do the spell itself." A little smirking grin appeared at the corners of his mouth. "Save her right for being such a bitch about you."

"Always knew I liked you, pet," Spike said, and pulled him close. Spike buried his face in Xander's neck, inhaling the warm, spicy Xander-smell that was so familiar and dear to him, and Xander laid his cheek against stiffly gelled hair and just... breathed.

They were gonna be okay.

* * *

Buffy leaned against Angel's side and watched as Xander paced nervously back and forth across the living room floor of Spike's place. "He looks like an expectant father in the waiting room," she whispered, and felt Angel's body shake with silent laughter.

They could all see through the open door to Spike's room, where Spike was on the bed, lying with his arms tucked behind his head and looking supremely bored as Cordelia and Oz waved herbs, Willow chanted, and Giles hovered in the background. Buffy found herself wanting to laugh, too- the whole scene was just so... so _Spike._

The Orb began to glow, then, and suddenly any urge to laugh left her. She tensed up, felt Angel do the same, and saw Xander do the same, only to a much greater degree.

Willow's chant built up to a shouted finish, and the Orb disappeared in a flash of light that was echoed in Spike's eyes. He arched up off the bed, and Xander was in there in a flash, sitting by his side on the bed and pressing his body flat with one hand.

Spike went suddenly boneless, and everyone held their breath. Slowly, Spike opened his eyes.

"Spike?" Xander said in a low voice, the tension in his body palpable. "Spike, are you okay?"

"Yeah," Spike said, and suddenly grinned. "You gonna move in with me now?"

Xander shouted with laughter and flung himself onto the vampire. Buffy saw Giles and Willow (mostly Willow, who had agreed to ensoul Spike because she couldn't figure out a reason why she shouldn't, but still hated the thought of him with Xander) grimace with distaste, but Buffy, who had seen far more graphic displays over patrol the past two weeks, just smiled and settled closer to Angel's side.

"Love you," Angel said, too low for anyone to hear but her, and she basked in the glow of that as Xander finally peeled himself away from Spike to say, "Yes. I will definitely move in with you."

Buffy grinned to herself. So what if Giles was hesitant and Willow hated it? Her best friend had finally found love, and, she reminded herself as she rested her cheek against Angel's chest, so had she.

They were all gonna be alright.


End file.
